Blogger: Janet Kobobel Grant
I hear from authors that writing a book proposal is, like, the worst part of looking for a slot on a traditional publisher’s author roster. (Coming in at a close second is writing a novel’s synopsis for submission to a publisher.) But, hey, guess what? I know something else authors struggle with: figuring out how to talk about their books.
Oh, sure, they can whip off the details of a specific scene they have in mind or explain to you what they hope the reader gains from the book. But don’t ask the author this seemingly straightforward question: Tell me what your book is about in one sentence.
I recently read an article, which you can check out here, in which a fellow novelist asked that very question of authors with new books. Here are their responses:
Daniel Dutton: It’s a little like “A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man” if Stephen were a woman living at a time when women weren’t allowed to be artists.
Kaitlyn Greenidge: My book is about language, family and the reverberations of the past.
Jon Methven: The immensity of the end—be it a career, or relationship, or faith, or mortgage, or life, or all of them—and then deciding to survive, no matter the obstacle. It’s a book about survival.
Karan Mahajan: Bombs.
Okay, our author friends could use a little help. When someone asks you that question, and they do all the time when they find out you’re an author, know what you want to say. Here are a few crucial elements to include:
- Give the listener an instant reference point: WWII Germany; 17th-century Sweden; dypstopian America in 2116. Or if you’re writing nonfiction: food memoir; historical biography; environmental degradation; faith and doubt.
- Mention what’s unique about your book. Daniel Dutton explained to us how he flipped a classic novel. I get where he’s going right away.
- Tell us what the central conflict is. Every book needs conflict to capture a potential reader’s imagination, even nonfiction. So when I mention “faith and doubt,” I’m telling you that we’re all struggling to counterbalance these two active agents in our spiritual lives.
Here’s a novel that I saw described recently that attempts to incorporate all three items you want to include in your description:
Jennifer Delamere’s THE CAPTAIN’S DAUGHTER, set against the backdrop of Gilbert and Sullivan’s theater, featuring an orphaned young woman who dreams of a career on stage and the wounded soldier she falls in love with.
When might you need to give a single-sentence explanation of your book: when you’re being interviewed by the media, which loves sound bytes; when you’re having a book signing; when you pitch your idea to an editor or an agent; when you fill our your marketing information form for you publisher. That’s just for starters. Trust me; you need to be able to do this.
Rate on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, the first four authors’ responses as well as Jennifer Delamere’s novel description. (Jennifer didn’t write the description, by the way.) Tell us why you gave your highest rating.
Now, tell us about your work-in-progess in one sentence.
By the way, here are the titles for the first four novelists: Danielle Dutton (“Margaret the First”), Kaitlyn Greenidge (“We Love You, Charlie Freeman”), Jon Methven (“Strange Boat”), Karan Mahajan (“The Association of Small Bombs”). And each novel has great hooks the authors could have used to talk about their books. Alas, they were not used.
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9,8,5 and 3.
#3 was too wordy and all over the place.
#4 was sort of “uhhhh?”
Bombs? Thermo-nuclear bomb, or bath bomb (those fizzy things that float around and make things all spa-y).
This is the tagline from my one sheet:
As a prisoner of war, he kept secrets from those he loved, as a slave, his battered mind kept secrets from him.
Jennifer, may I offer a suggestion? (I ask your pardon in advance, if I am out of line.)
* The tagline’s great when read, but I have the feeling that when spoken it may come across as almost too complete, and not inviting of further questions from a listener. It’s an almost ‘perfect circle’ the way you’ve written it.
* Maybe something like this – “It’s about a warrior who protected those he loved from the brutalities he endured…but who would protect him from his own memories?”
‘…but who would protect him from his own memories?’ I LOVE that tagline, Andrew! It feels like the perfect balance between story telling and suspense.
Jennifer, I am intrigued by the concept of our minds keeping secrets from ourselves. I know people who work very hard to keep secrets locked away in the darkest corners of their souls. Andrew’s version reads well, but I see a difference between “memories” and “secrets.”
I know. Seriously, “bombs”? It actually sounds like a fascinating topic for a novel (small bombs, such as explode in some city at least once per day), and the devastation of people’s lives.
I like your tagline, bu “prisoner of war” sounds contemporary.
Uh, that should be “but” not “bu.”
I always tried to avoid letting people know I’d written a book precisely to avoid talking about it.
* Dutton gets 6/10; the description is clear enough suffers from a case of the clevers. Flipping classics is not something of which I typically approve.
* Greenidge gets 3/10, because it’s generic; every family is about the reverberations of the past.
* Methven gets 3/10. If one gets bored reading the tagline, it does not augur well for the book.
* Mahajan gets…can I give a negative score? Professionals don’t talk about ‘bombs’, except in certain contexts; for example in IED concealed within a corpse is colloquially a ‘body bomb’. Thereby his description (and title) imply a sophomoric approach to a serious subject.
* Delamere gets 9/10, and only loses a point in the lovely description for ending a sentence with a preposition.
* Now it’s time for my turn in the barrel…
– “The Place Where Angels Dwell” is a Marine tank crew’s year in Viet Nam; the Corps brought them together, and together is the only way they’ll survive.
Andrew, short and detailed to the point. Love that last bit of your description!
That’s excellent, Andrew.
Oh Janet, what a challenge! None of the examples makes me want to read its book–therein the challenge of a single sentence. It can end up contrived, or too general, or too complicated, or just plain boring. I agree with Andrew that Jennifer Delamere’s gives the clearest sense of the book.
* I keep working on mine, and I am not yet satisfied, but here goes: Imagine a secret hide-away where you rendezvous with Christ — each room he prepares for you there is an invitation to know and love him as your Best Friend.
Shirlee, Good start, I’m very intrigued.
It’s always tough to start off with “imagine.” You’re relying on the person being ready to do just that–and some won’t be willing. But you’ve got a good start.
My ratings in order are 5, 7, 4, 5 and the last one 8. The first ones mostly just sounded confused. The last sets the scene and gives the basic premise. Enough to get a feel for the story obtained within.
Here is my attempt, might struggle with one sentence.
The kingdom of Almathea is cursed with peace by day and chaos by night. A young knight is one of a few who are not sent to coma like sleep every night and so protects his city from the ravages of fire breathing dragons but dreams of revenge for the death of his parents the night the Chaos started.
Chris, you’re headed in the right direction. You don’t need the part about revenge; that starts to feel like you’re telling me the whole story. Clear out every word that’s absolutely not necessary: “young,” “ravages,” “fire-breathing.”
Thanks, how about:
The kingdom of Almathea is cursed with peace by day and chaos by night. A young knight is one of a few who do not sleep and protect their city from the dragons, but for how much longer can they survive?
Much improved, Chris. Good work!
1 Jon
2 Daniel
3 Kaitlyn
4 Karan
I rated Jon #1 because it told me a little about the struggle.
My WIP:
Reed, a child genius struggling to fit in, splits in two and as his carefree doppelganger helps him reverse the curse, he also helps him learn to like himself.
Jon, does a good job of talking about the concept, but he fails to mention what the story is: the protagonist is raising money to build a planet.
I like your description of your story, Sheila. It does a great job of telling us the story.
So helpful. I’m a first-time author querying agents for my novel, and this clarifies the focus, cleverness and directness needed in queries, blurbs and synopses. Here goes: Written by a former cop, APPREHENSION tells the tough, authentic story of John Kelly, a battered but dedicated detective pushed to the edge of self-destruction by professional stress and personal loss.
Mark, suggestion? “Tough, authentic” can be omitted – it’s implicit. “battered but dedicated” is long, and can be replaced by ‘honest’; ‘Battered’ is also implied by ‘pushed to the edge of self-destruction’, and honest sounds better (to me) than ‘dedicated detective’, which has a distracting alliteration.
* Thus – …”Apprehension” tells the story of John Kelly, an honest cop pushed to the edge of self-destruction by professional stress and personal loss.”
* Please know I’m no professional, but I do read a lot, and these suggestions come from that place and no other.
Andrew you’re really good at this; like exceptionally good.
You should be a professional, Andrew. Your comments, suggestions and rewrite are very helpful and, now, borrowed for my use. Thanks.
I like that you start out with a key element, “Written by a former cop.”
I find condensing my book into one sentence challenging. 🙂 I usually end up brainstorming it out with friends to encapsulate everything into one sentence.
*For my scores for above: 7, 4, 4, 1 and the last one a 9. Being succinct about our particular books will give editors and agents a much better feel for what OUR book is about.
*The one sentence for a book I recently finished could be A young widow must decide if love is worth giving up everything that makes her feel safe in order to live in freedom.
*The book I’m getting ready to work on: When a pregnant chemist wakes up with amnesia, she must decide if she is going to rewrite her life or recapture what she had.
Jeanne, since your protagonist is a chemist, what about…”if she is going to reinvent her life…”
*Just a thought.
I like that, Laura. I knew rewrite wasn’t quite right, but I haven’t taken the time yet to really finesse this. “Reinvent” is definitely closer to what I’m aiming for. 🙂
Oops! So sorry I misspelled your name, LARA. 🙂
The widow sentence is good, but I’m not sure it’s so intriguing that I want to dive into the book. Maybe some element of the story (setting, the fellow she’s drawn to) can be added to make it more accessible.
I like the chemist sentence but suspect the “pregnant” part plays a big role in her decision. Maybe that needs to be unwrapped a bit?
Thanks, Janet. I’ll work on those. 🙂
A suggestion someone once gave me for 1-sentence summaries was to read many TV Guide summaries for movies. Those cut through the author’s / scriptwriter’s emotional entanglement with a story and all the subplots to summarize the primary through line.
My recent one-line summary was “After getting shot down in WW2, an American fighter pilot becomes an unwilling guinea pig in a secret German experiment intended to outlast the war.”
That’s a good suggestion, Rick. Is it still possible to get TV Guide?
*I’d eliminate “After getting” from your description. It’s not really needed.
These snippets are available for me on my TV’s remote “Guide” button. And they are excellent to study because they’re written to summarize without all the bells and whistles that trailer writers use.
Dutton: 5 (“it’s a little like…” doesn’t really tell me much)
Greenidge: 3 for vagueness
Methven: 3 for ambiguity
Mahajan: 2 although it would only take one or two more descriptive words to improve considerably
Delamere: 8 although I’m not super clear on the time period or place because I’m not familiar with that theater
Whittling an entire novel down to a single sentence is challenging. This is the first time I’m attempting it for my WIP (it seems too long):
In 2053, when everyone and their mother carries a gun during severe economic collapse, William Flynt’s convictions and faith are tested when he must get his two daughters safely across the country on dangerous, crumbling roads unarmed.
Begs the question…why is he unarmed? Quaker, or does he realize he’s so inept he’ll shoot off his toes on the draw? (My brother did that, actually.)
Good point Andrew, I mentioned his convictions because that’s the reason (along with a tragedy in his past, but there’s no room for that). Now I know that’s not clear, so,thank you!
Katie, if you were a Gilbert and Sullivan fan, that would be the part of the summary of Delamere’s book that would make you add it to your list to be read. They wrote comic opera in the late 1800s and were fabulously successful at it.
This is a really useful exercise, Janet, and quite a challenge to do well.
*I’d rank order as follows:
Jennifer (8) Clear and appealing but “featuring” seems an odd word choice.
Jon (6) I’d shorten the embedded list of things that end.
Daniel (5) I’ve lived as the odd one in a profession so the topic appeals to me.
Karan (4) It needs expansion to explain what kind of bombs – real explosive devices or things that blow a life apart.
Kaitlyn (1) Too generic.
*Here’s mine for my latest WIP : When a slave in the Roman Empire risks everything to serve his owner as if serving his Lord, will he pay the ultimate price or find the freedom and love he never dreamed possible?
Carol, here’s the interesting thing about Jon’s novel. It’s a story about a man who is losing the entire list Jon provides. The concept is that the protagonist is living in an era in which he no longer fits. So his solution is to build a planet that centers around HIS values. Now, that’s the part Jon should have focused on, but he went for telling about the idea behind the story.
For your line, I’d like to know what sort of task he is assigned that risks everything. I want something concrete. That might be too complicated for you to talk about, but without it, we’re talking generalities.
I see your point, Janet. Too much teaser and not enough info = too general.
*Is it generally better to use a statement rather than a question?
Perhaps something more like “When a slave in the Roman Empire rescues his master’s daughter from the kidnapping arranged by her own brother, serving his owner as if serving his Lord might earn him the freedom and love he never dreamed possible, but it also might cost him his life.”
Carol, ending with a question can be effective. It tells the listener what the novel’s core question is. But a declarative sentence can work equally well. Your current sentence is definitely an improvement. Now take out every word that isn’t imperative to hook the reader into the story. This takes hard-core editing.
Using a question rather than a statement appeals more to me.
When a Roman slave rescues his master’s daughter from the kidnapping arranged by her own brother, will his sacrificial service earn the freedom and love he never dreamed possible, or will it only end in death?
This is coming along nicely, Carol. Do we need “sacrificial service” and “only”?
Sacrificial service, yes. Only, probably not. Thanks for helping me make it much better!
Happy super special pi day to all! (3.14159 rounds to 3. 14 16)
I had no idea about this being a special pi day!
Wow, I’m sorry to say the vague descriptions for most of these books would not entice me to read them. It’s definitely a challenge to catch a reader’s attention with one sentence,
Dutton: 5
Greenidge: 3
Methvan: 3 wordy but still vague
Mahajan: Huh??
Delamere: 7
*My YA WIP: “The Touch” Forbidden love, murder and supernatural conflict force a teenage girl to decide whether her gift of healing is a blessing or a curse.
Lara, here’s the thing: Each of those books has elements that are fascinating. Margaret the First is based on a 17th-century duchess who is in the French court but is exiled to England where she becomes a tabloid writer with the nom de plume Mad Madge–and is the first woman to be invited to the Royal Society of London—a mainstay of the Scientific Revolution—and the last for another two hundred years. Now, doesn’t that interest you so much more than Dutton’s description?
Mad Madge, I love that!
I’m going to go for it and say that I’ll talk about my book…in English.
None of you saw that coming, did you?
Ahem…
In a time of war, a Navajo silversmith is taken captive and must become a man he doesn’t know, in order to free the people he loves. When he is sold into slavery and loses his memory, who will free him to return to the man he was?
Have at it.
And no, he was not a warrior. That was his brother, in a different book.
I wonder if we need “and must become a man he doesn’t know.” As someone being introduced to the story, I have no idea what that means.
Ugh, I am so not good at this stuff!!
In a time of war, a Navajo silversmith is taken captive and must become a spy to protect the people he loves. When he is sold into slavery and loses his memory, who will free him to return to the man he was before his world fell apart?
Better?
I think so. Letting readers know he was forced to spy does make things more clear. I also think you could shorten that first sentence with just a few tweaks.
*A Navajo silversmith taken captive during (name of war) becomes a spy to protect the people he loves.
*I don’t think it’s necessary to say he was forced because it’s obvious he’s a prisoner.
They all need a lot of help. I don’t find any of them interesting, or telling; I find them confusing. They don’t tell me what the book is about, nor do they have enough intrigue to make me want to ask.
Dutton: 3/10; confusing, wordy and uninteresting.
Greenridge: 3/10; vague and general.
Methven: 3/10; super wordy and uninteresting.
Mahajan: 1/10; reeks of attitude, it’s not even a sentence, and who really likes bombs anyway.
Delamere: 5/10; confusing, wordy and uninteresting. Not everyone knows what Gilbert and Sullivan is, and the title places the emphasis on the captain, not the daughter. Perhaps the title should be, “The Daughter of A Captain,” or even, “A Captain’s Daughter,” but “The Captain’s Daughter,” makes me think he’s alive, yet she’s an orphan.
None of these are books I’d want to read. Andrew, they need your help.
Janet this is a great posting.
Leon, I urge you to go to Amazon to check out what the books’ storylines are. Each is fascinating. But the authors had no capability to hone in on the part that would hook a potential reader.
I was puzzled that Delamere’s book, which has the hook of Gilbert and Sullivan, instead is entitled The Captain’s Daughter. What does said captain have to do with the story? While not everyone knows who Gilbert and Sullivan were, the duo still has plenty of fans. To me, it’s what sets the story apart from myriads of other love stories.
I will definitely check them out Janet, thank you. I think a good pitch should appeal to everyone, upping the challenge that much more. But I do understand that the author is targetting a fan base that knows and loves Gilbert and Sullivan. I’m surprised the title and pitch was approved, when there is so much emphasis on getting it right the first time. Perhaps adding, “19th Century comic opera duo, Gilbert and Sullivan…
Leon, yes, that would be a helpful addition. Not every book appeals to each reader; so I’m not sure that’s the goal. I think the idea is more to be specific enough to appeal to the RIGHT reader.
the best part about this post, for me, was learning that Jennifer Delamere has a new series! Just went to her blog and learned more about it! I loved a trilogy she finished recently so excited that she is publishing more. As a massive theatre buff,the Gilbert and Sullivan thing is a major lure 😀
Yea! It’s always a happy day when you learn one of your favorite authors is creating another goodie for you to read.
Jennifer first, then Karen, then Daniel, then Kaityln and then Jon. The first three did alright, the last two did not interest me at all. Hmmm…so here I go. One sentence on my current WIP.
Fatherless triplets battle prehistoric beasts at summer camp.
What do you think?
My two cents worth: not enough information and therefore confusing.
Are these prehistoric beasts figurative, or are we in prehistoric times, or a Jurassic park in present day California?
Also, how does being fatherless play into the story?
Saying they’re fatherless begs the question, ‘what happend to momma?’ Also, why are they battling them, where are the counselors, and what kind of summer camp is this where prehistoric beasts roam?
These are the questions that come to mind when I read your title. I think adding more description would be beneficial.
Kristen, you did a great job on the brevity side, but perhaps erred too far in that direction. I echo Leon’s questions.
By the way, it sounds like you’ve got a great story!
Ha! Yes, not much info. I’ll keep thinking, there’s a puppy, maybe I should add something about the puppy.
Yeah, I’m not so sure the puppy needs to be in the sentence unless the puppy is the ultimate hero. Keep focused on the heart of the story.
This is harder than I thought.
A Sex-traffic survivor’s true story changed how one police department view prostitutes, and today they work together to rescue victims of trafficking.
(Back story: She was kidnapped, held captive, rescued, deceived, trafficked and rescued again. One police officer looked at her different and over time gained her trust. Her story helped changed the way the police viewed prostitutes in her community. She is co- founder of an organization that rescues and rehabilitates sex-trafficking victim.)
You’re closing in on it: A sex-traffic survivor’s true story and how it changed one police department’s view of prostitutes.
I think I’d leave it at that. But that’s just my opinion.
Sex-traffic survivor, Debra Wood’s true story of kidnapping, rescue, confusion, redemption and forgiveness, changed how one police department viewed prostitutes and today work with Debra to rescue women who are victims as she once was.
Again, just my two cents worth, should it read, “Sex-trafficking survivor?”
I find it a bit wordy. What about, “A sex-trafficking survivor-turned law enforcment consultant, assists police in rescuing missing sex trade workers.”
Penelope, I agree with Leon that the sentence definitely could be shortened. I’d like to leave in the elements “true story” and “changed how one police department viewed prostittutes.” That latter phrase suggests some interesting conflicts but also redemption.
Good feedback. How about:
One Sex-traffic survivor’s true story changed how one police department viewed prostitutes, and in partnership with law enforcement, rescue women who are victims as she once was.
I would use a verb such as “shows” or “depicts.” A sex-traffic survivor’s true story depicts how she helped one police department…” Do you need to mention law enforcement? It makes the sentence cluttered.
Hi Janet & Rachelle,
Great blog – thanks for sharing. What would you say is the main difference between a tagline/hook and this very thing you’re discussing – not a synopsis, not a tagline, but an elevator pitch. I have taglines nailed but this concept totally leaves me floundering!
Thanks!
Heather
Good question, Heather. This single-sentence exercise is actually the creation of the hook. I just didn’t want to divert everyone into defining what we’re doing but instead to focus on actually being successful at it. An elevator pitch generally is a short paragraph about your book that takes about 30 seconds to deliver orally. A tagline is what would appear on the back cover of your book. So the potential reader already knows the book’s title and has the visual of the cover to cue them into era, setting, etc. The tagline entices the reader to read the rest of the back cover copy. A synopsis would be a lengthier description of the storyline from which the reader would learn the main characters, their names, their major internal conflict, and the story arc. Does that make sense?
Whoa, thought-provoking post, Janet. and interesting.
Think I’d say Jennifer Delamere scored highest, giving the best nugget of what I’d expect to find inside. Some were way too vague. And adding my contribution seems nervy after that. Same story below–2 options. I’m unclear if this should be a hook/tagline or single-line elevator pitch. Appreciate your thoughts.
~ Did Beth McKnight observe a cold-blooded murder or a mercy-killing, and can she remember in the dark what she learned in the light to elude the killer now stalking her?
~ Beth McKnight, battered like pieces of beach glass she treasures, needs help to maintain her sanity and save her marriage, but with a murderer stalking her, staying alive becomes priority number one.
Mary Kay, #1 is a winner. Great job! Showcases the conflict beautifully.
I was looking for a hook, not a tagline (which is designed for the back cover of the book) or an elevator pitch. Yours was a spot-on hook.
Whew. Thanks, Janet. I can breathe easier now.
Fifteen year old Kia is trying to overcome past abuse at age six by her grandfather. Against the backdrop of the sport of freerunning, Kia has to decide whether she will continue to run from her problems or face them.
How about this, Kathy –
“At fifteen, Kia found a measure of freedom in running, but the abuse that scarred her childhood still waits for her legs to tire, and for the weary turn she must still make to face her past.”
Left out a word…”At fifteen, Kia has found a measure of freedom…”
My 1 to 10 ratings: Daniel Dutton, 8; Kaitlyn Greenridge, 7; Jon Methven, 10; Karen Mahajan, 4; and Jennifer Delamere, 9.
Jon’s first sentence grabs my attention with the description, “the immensity of the end,” and with his long list of varied topics, each an important subject that is well worth discussing. Following this rich sentence, he sums up the whole book in a powerful 5-word statement.
My work in progress, “His Perfect Rose,” is set in a quaint Ohio village in the 1930s. A seminary student, Jeremiah, and a young, Sunday school teacher, Rose, fall in love while each is struggling to overcome the challenges of a self-imposed life-standard of an unrealistic perfectionism.
Thank you for your blog post! — Linda
Linda, I think Methven talks about the issues his protagonist faces in a compelling way, but I wish he had mentioned the uniqueness of the book: The protagonist wants to build a planet so he can live in the kind of world he longs for.
Your summary of your novel is good (love the title) but could be shortened. We don’t need the names (despite “Rose” being in the title and the heroine’s name), nor the setting (not key to grasping what the book is about). You’re well on your way; just a bit more honing.
Thank you for the good advice and encouragement. I shall enjoy making the edits!
Dutton: 4; confusing; don’t know the comparative book so the description is lost on me.
Greenridge: 5; would rather see it without “My book is about”. That’s valuable literary real estate that could be better used.
Methven: 8; would be 10 if it were one sentence.
Mahan: 3; I’m not much into one-word descriptions that tell me little.
Delamere: 8; not my genre, but a good description.
>>>Mine:
Alfred Cottage finds mystery after mystery to unravel as he researches his genealogy.
>>> It’s actually for a series of cozy mysteries with a twist.
David, yes “literary real estate” is a valuable commodity, not to be wasted on extraneous words. Speaking of which, I think you should invest in a little more real estate with your book’s hook. Something that tells me the project is a cozy mystery and hints at what his research turns up.