A full-service literary agency that focuses on books for the Christian market.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

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Blogger: Wendy Lawton

I’m away at Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference– at the end of a long week. Color me exhausted but happy to have met so many new friends and to have enjoyed the company of many longtime friends and associates. I’m probably not going to be able to join in the blog discussion today but I know our blog community will do just fine solo. (You always do.)

We often blog about the fun parts of our job as agents but without balancing the good parts with the tough parts, we’re not giving a complete picture. Today, let me share what I believe is the hardest part of my job– saying goodbye to a client. We’d like to think that once we’ve signed on the dotted line, it’s a marriage made in heaven and we’ll be together forever but that’s not always the case. There are a number of things that may lead to a break-up. Let me just list a few:

1. Sometimes there is simply a breakdown in communication. The client may experience a crisis or need during a time when the agent is away or unable to drop everything. The agent will get a call or an email saying something like, “I just don’t feel like we are a good match anymore.” Ouch! It always hurts. We agents talk about this– how we wish we could have anticipated the client’s feeling of abandonment.

2. Sometimes the client is approached by another agent who subtly infers that they could do more. We call this poaching and most reputable agents go out of their way to avoid doing this but it happens, almost in the same way an affair happens in a marriage. Again, this stings. Unfortunately, it rarely works out well for the client, especially since publishing houses notice writers who agent hop. It rarely sends a positive message.

3. Occasionally a client may decide to take a break from writing or head off in a different direction. Sometimes we keep them on the roster but consider them inactive. Other times we part company and send them off with our blessing. We’ve been known to touch base from time to time to see if anything has changed.

4. Sometimes the agent realizes he has done everything he can think of and still is unable to get traction for a client. This kind of failure is hard to swallow but it’s reality. It is kindest to let the client go, knowing that perhaps another agent with different contacts may be able to make things happen for the client. We heard one agent brag at a conference that she’s never had a client she couldn’t eventually sell. The group of agents who heard this merely coughed politely and rolled their eyes. Oh that that were true.

5. Sometimes the client and the agent both realize the match was simply not a great fit. When this happens it is a kindness to all concerned to part company.

Thankfully, breaking up doesn’t happen often but nothing is harder than having to say goodbye to all the hopes and dreams we harbored for a talented writer. I’ve found I’ve never been able to completely let go. I continue to pray for former clients, watch their careers and keep pulling for them to find the success I always believed they could achieve.

The antidote for these kind of painful break-ups is for both the agent and the author to choose carefully in the first place, to work on communication and to freely offer grace to one another.

How about you? Any suggestions for avoiding painful break-ups? Which potential scenarios did I miss? Making changes in a team is always hard. Can you think of ways to make it easier?

 

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  2. Talk! And I mean pick-up-the-phone, have lunch, Skype…you know, actual person-to-person contact. Email, great; social media, fab; however, both carry a HUGE risk of misinterpretation. How many times have you received an email and totally misunderstood the sender’s intent? Maybe the sender had a sarcastic streak (*hand raised*) and a jab at humor came across as dogma? I freely admit weekly conference calls are not my favorite thing, but it’s a terrific opportunity to make sure everyone is on the same page. Might be tough for an agent with a big list, but frequency can be tweaked, a break-up cannot.

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  3. I hate break up’s! I like to avoid this whenever possible 🙂 I like the idea of choosing carefully in the first place. And prayer. I think we can pray that God will cover the partnership and be a guide if things don’t happen the way originally wished.

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  4. Wendy, The temptation is strong for a writer to go with the first agent who offers representation, but that would be similar to accepting a marriage proposal without knowing more about the person. Maybe it would be a wonderful union, maybe not.
    Unfortunately, even if one is careful in the selection process, things happen that can make the union non-productive, if not downright unpleasant. You’ve mentioned some things which can remind authors and agents alike of factors that could lead to a possible break-up. Prevention is always preferable to repair. Thanks for sharing.

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  5. In my current unattached state, having any agent willing to respresent me would make me whoop and holler. Hold that thought! Your analogy to marriage, Wendy, gives me pause. I didn’t marry the first fella to ask me out on a date. I waited till God said, “this is the one.” Hope God does the same for an agent.

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  6. I love it when I get these kinds of insights into the publishing industry, because like you and others have said, this is a serious relationship — it should be prayed about and we should wait for a good fit. To take the marriage analogy farther, a lot of people rush to get married. They think just being in that married state will move them along in life, get them where they want to be. But I would rather be single than married to someone who wasn’t my match. I’ve always told my husband that it is being married to HIM that makes marriage so wonderful…it isn’t marriage itself.

    So, even though many think being represented by an agent is the be all and end all — well, only if it’s the right agent.

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  7. I agree with what others have said. Entering into a relationship with an agent is a big deal–I need to spend time in prayer, and get to know that agent before I query, or say yes to a request. I want the relationship I have with my someday agent to be healthy, real and one with effective communication going both ways.

    I think both parties having realistic expectations that are communicated could help reduce hurt feelings and the break up of the relationship. Am I right in thinking that agents and writers both have certain expectations from this relationship, don’t they?

    Thanks for sharing this today, Wendy. It’s good to see an agent’s perspective about this relationship.

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  8. I naively thought that break-ups ended when I said I do. (Let me clarify. I thought romantic break-ups would end, and they have for me. But break-ups happen in all sorts of non-romantic circumstances, don’t they? Oh dear, I hope that’s not too muddled. :)) Life is hard. Your post makes me think of the Biblical instruction not to be unequally yoked. If an agent-author relationship is equally yoked, I would think that would give it a better chance of success. And I’m sure that’s always on your mind when you approach a new author, Wendy.

    As always, I learned something new here. Thanks for your efforts even in the midst of a busy conference.

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  9. In the past few years, I’ve lost my OB/GYN, my primary care physician, and my hairdresser. I’m beginning to get a complex. 🙂 These are all people I had worked with for years; the doctors were close to two decades.

    Unlike these, however, at least I feel in most cases you’ll see the writing on the wall when the relationship is ending with your agent. Either you’re ready to move on or maybe you’re picking up a vibe from your agent. This is definitely preferable to calling to schedule an appointment and discovering, “Becky isn’t here anymore.”

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  10. I was wondering what happens if an agent retires. While a client may be happy on the outside for the agent, inside the client may be thinking oh no, now I have to get establish a relationship with someone else.

    Also, what happens if an agent dies?

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    • You know, till death do us part…

      But retirement — when my son’s dentist retired, he didn’t recommend anyone to take his clients. We all scattered. When my OB retired, he recommended his buddies whom he used to practice with who had started their own practices. So life goes on.

      Still… I just pray all our agents (future agent, in my case) are healthy and lead long and happy lives. Hopefully authors won’t be so difficult to work with that they drive their agents to early graves…

      And authors too — we need authors to live long and prosper as well. Readers love to read new books every year.

      In the end, time is in God’s hands.

      🙂

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    • Great question, Lori. that’s one of the reasons we have a multi-agent agency and work to make relationships with all Books & Such clients. I don’t foresee anyone retiring or dying for a long time (God willing) but when Janet’s husband died several months ago, we had a plan in place for her clients to be cared for by the other four of us. (We called them our foster clients.)

      All smart business people have a succession plan in place. Hairdressers ought to as well, says the agent whose hairdresser goes out on maternity leave after her next haircut.

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  11. Wendy, I’m sure Neil Sadaka would endorse your title 100%.

    Breakups may hurt, but they’re going to happen. Yet, I’m touched by this comment of yours: “I continue to pray for former clients, watch their careers and keep pulling for them to find the success I always believed they could achieve.”

    Breaking up without hateful feelings is another breed of success.

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  12. Thank you, Wendy, for another great post. It drives home to me again that finding the right agent match is something I need to depend on God for. If God has called me to write, He will call up an agent suitable for my books.

    I pray for my writing projects, but I don’t pray as much past finishing my MSS because this writing road is hard enough. But your post reminds me that I need to pray for my entire writing career — the entire package from MSS to agents to publishers to platforms to readers.

    “Sometimes the agent realizes he has done everything he can think of and still is unable to get traction for a client.”

    I think this can be very distressing for an unpublished writer who has put in thousands of “flight hours” into her novels, perhaps years of painful toil, only to be told that the last chapter of her book says “The Dead End” instead.

    However, considering how many NYT bestselling authors have been rejected before they wrote their first bestsellers, I would have to agree with author Joseph Finder that the most successful writers are not the ones who are most talented, but those who are most stubborn.

    “How about you? Any suggestions for avoiding painful break-ups?”

    Like the old adage goes, when God closes a window, He opens a door. To that I add, when God closes all the doors, He wants us to look UP toward Him.

    As a writer, I have to take the view that break-ups come and go, but I will keep on writing. I won’t stop writing even if nothing I write is ever published (eBooks notwithstanding). That way, if something does get published, it’s the icing on the cake. I’ve already accomplished what I set out to do: write and finish what I write.

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  13. Thank you for this insight, Wendy. It’s a tough reality, but it’s something we all need to consider. When entering into an author/agent relationship we must be as knowledgeable as possible, and knowing why some relationships end is extremely important. It’s just as important to know what we, as authors, can do to make the relationship as successful as possible. I’d love to see a post one day (and maybe it’s in the archives – I’ll have to dig to see if I can find one) about what to do, and what NOT to do, when you sign with an agent. 🙂

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  14. Wendy, thanks for your post. I never thought of the agent client relationship as a ‘marriage’, but after reading your post I don’t think your clients are just customers for you.
    But to have an agent that prays for you…WOW, that is what I want.
    Thank you Wendy for gently teaching me that If the Lord gives me an agent, I should pray for them as well.

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  15. I think the breakup is challenging because, although you enter an agent/writer relationship with business in mind, it is still a relationship. It’s almost impossible for the person who doesn’t instigate the decision to part ways not to feel pain from it.

    I think the only thing either person can really do is keep communication lines open and work with her whole heart to make the situation a success on the business end. Then at least if the need to part company comes, each party will have the satisfaction of knowing that she did everything in her power to make it work.

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  16. I think Neil Sedaka said it best when he sang this little ditty about agents and their clients:

    They say that breaking up is hard to do
    Now I know, I know that it’s true

    Don’t say that this is the end
    Instead of breaking up, I wish that we were making-up again

    (Making-up. Isn’t that what fiction writers do all the time?)

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  17. It’s great that so many agents blog. Over time, this gives potential clients an opportunity to get to know them and even interact with them. I’m not quite ready to submit a proposal, but I’ve already begun to gravitate toward a handful of agents I believe I could work well with. This has to help with creating better matches and fewer breakups.

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  18. “Breakups are awesome!”
    ~said no one ever
    (to paraphrase the anti-bullying shirt from the Revolve Tour)

    I second-guess my breakup. Wonder if there’s still a sting. Appreciate all the good times and relive them, when hope was fresh and success seemed inevitable. My breakup was with a true lady, which makes it all the harder, so now I’m left with memories …

    Memories,
    Like the corners of my mind
    Misty water-colored memories
    Of the way we were
    Scattered pictures,
    Of the smiles we left behind
    Smiles we gave to one another
    For the way we were

    I’ll always have the memories! 🙂

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  19. Thank you, Wendy, for sharing your humanness. While the agent-writer relationship is a business relationship, it is still a relationship between two persons. I’ve heard the axiom “Don’t take it personally” so often lately and I suppose life would be so much easier if all of us could follow that advice, but it is hard to do. Your scenario #1 is a good example. When someone you’ve been in relationship says, “You weren’t there when I needed you, so I’m leaving you,” how can you not feel that personally. As you said, “Ouch!” And obviously the client took the lack of response from the agent personally. Actually, that’s where the axiom would work beautifully. Understanding that you are not your agent’s only client and that she might stuff going on in her life just as you do in yours might help with understanding why she’s not responding immediately to your emails or phone calls. An agent is not, after all, a therapist (although I’m sure at times you have to play that role).

    Enjoy the conference. You are in my prayers.

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  20. I’d say things that Janet said the Books and Such team does, like hosting parties at Mt. Hermon, would be a great way to help strengthen the relationship between author and agent.

    Maybe an agency retreat with the agents and their clients? This would allow for authors of the agency to get to know each other better, for the clients of agency to get to know the various agents (besides the one they are represented by) better, and allow for the agents and writers to all discuss what has worked for them in regards to marketing, writing, etc., as well as to get a better grasp of where the industry is going towards.

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