Blogger: Janet Kobobel Grant
Recently I noted an agent crowing on Facebook about a major concession a publisher had given. That agent named the publisher and the concession. As I read the FB entry, I asked myself,
What did the agent gain?
What did the agent lose?
Gains
- Felt good to let the world know a significant victory had been won.
- Looked good to writers.
Losses
- Highlighted to the world a concession the publisher didn’t want to make, thus embarrassing the publisher before industry colleagues.
- Taught that publisher–and all other publishers reading the post–that making concessions is costly. It’s better to stand your ground.
- Made it less likely agents, including the agent trumpeting the triumph, will ever get that concession again.
Let that be a lesson to all of us. Whether you’re a newbie writer, an established author, an agent or a publisher, discretion is an important part of doing good business.
What’s that mean for a writer looking for that first publishing opportunity? Don’t whine in public. Regardless how many times your manuscript has been rejected, don’t highlight your rejection. Instead, present yourself as enthusiastic about future possibilities and passionate about your message. I’m not suggesting you fake how you feel, but you need to go deep inside yourself and find what motivates you to keep going. That’s what you write about on social media and talk about in public. Being discrete about your hurts presents you in a winning way to publishing industry tuned into social media.
For the established author, blows can come at regular intervals–a new cover you dislike, an overly-zealous editor who hacked up your manuscript; a publisher who has lost faith in your ability to gain momentum in your sales. But those are private agonies, not for public consumption. What do you gain by weeping and gnashing your teeth with fellow writers online? You might feel better for the moment, but long-term you’ve painted yourself as an author who isn’t doing well. And that’s not a way you want to be thought of. You want your colleagues to view you as someone who’s doing all right, whose future is bright–because that’s what you hope will be the case when your next book releases. I reiterate: This isn’t about lying; it’s about either remaining silent regarding the ways you feel assailed or talking about other issues, like an upcoming project, that you are genuinely excited about. Discretion is the better part of valor. Who said it was easy?
And for we agents, well, we know lots of proprietary information. Just imagine the number of royalty statements that cross my desk after representing clients since 1996 and having about 250 clients currently repped by our agency. What an insight as to what’s happening in lots of writing careers and what’s going on behind closed doors at publishing houses. And we haven’t even begun to talk about what each publisher’s contract looks like compared to other publishers’, what imaginative venues a publisher is exploring as a new retail outlet, or what concessions our agency has have worked hard to win for our clients.
Authors also know lots of insider information about other writers’ careers and details about how their publishing houses do business.
What are three reasons to keep business secrets (including how well–or poorly–your career is doing)?
- It’s the honorable thing to do. You’ve been entrusted with information that can affect others’ professional lives. You need to use discernment in what you tell. Often, when we do tell something that we shouldn’t, we’re motivated by wanting to look important. But a lack of discretion actually has the opposite affect; we are diminished in the eyes of others.
- It creates a win-win situation. Keeping a confidence builds trust, and greater trust results in better communication. It’s hard to see a downside to being discrete.
- It’s an investment in your future. As you gain a reputation of being trustworthy, you’ll have access to information that would never be available otherwise. And you’ll develop relationships in which you can be forthright and know that the details you’re disclosing are safe with the other person who has proven him or herself to be discrete.
What lack of discretion have you seen either online or in person? How do you decide who is safe to be forthright with and who is dangerous?
I’ve learned that when I say something nice about someone–spouse, friend, editor, publisher–I like them a little bit more. When I say something negative, I like them a little bit less.
As for finding those people I can be deeply honest with? All too often I’ve had to use gut instincts followed by trial and error. I have learned not to force intimacy by oversharing. Well, most of the time!
Sarah, what a great insight about saying something nice about another person.
As I read your comment, I also thought that one of the best ways to compliment someone is to tell a person they’re closely associated with–a friend, a co-worker, a spouse, or even a boss. Those people are likely to tell the individual about your compliment. And it has more power because it came secondhand. All of this, of course, should be done only if you are sincere about the compliment.
Such a great post, Janet. Ahhh, the necessity of choosing our words carefully. I try to keep comments positive online, because I never know who’s reading or how my words will be perceived. Positive words are so much more influential than negative ones.
Seeing or hearing someone speak poorly of another leads me to believe I can’t truly trust the speaker, and reminds me to keep my guard up around that person.
I listen to a person, watching them, to decide how safe they are for me to open up with. I’ve made mistakes, but hopefully, I’m becoming more discerning as I grow older. 🙂
Jeane, that’s a good insight to pay attention to how a person speaks about others. That often shows how circumspect they are–or the other way around.
I totally agree! People complain too often on Facebook and other venues. If I do share something about a rejection (and I’m never specific), I usually do it on my blog, and I do it in such a way that shows how God has used that disappointment in my life. I don’t dwell on it. It does no good to dwell on it, anyway…only feeds the disappointment and makes it bigger than it needs to be. I want the messages in my novels to be upbeat and positive…so why wouldn’t that carry over to my social media “writing” too?
Facebook is an easy place to turn to when we want to let off steam. We forget that those messages live on and on…
I’ve seen where a potential writer when submitting her book to a publisher used the publisher’s first name and title in her blog as to what the publisher’s comments were and that the book was under serious consideration for publication.
Needless to say the publisher decided not to publish the book.
The writer then needed to tell everyone the outcome. That would be all the more difficult for her since she has named who rejected her work.
Not quite.
The writer told everyone that SHE and not the publisher decided not to pursue publication at this time.
Oh my word, that’s just wrong!
As always, this post is both informative and germane. I want to hit on two things in particular that you said, Janet. One is that being positive doesn’t mean being fake. A person doesn’t have to communicate everything he / she thinks / feels / knows, and actually, that wouldn’t be possible at any one time. So one always has a choice of what to communicate. Choosing to be positive has many good consequences, some of which you pointed out. If nothing else, being positive makes a person enjoyable to be around. Who wants to be around someone who is always complaining or railing about something?
The other thing that I want to mention is your point that keeping business secrets is the honorable thing to do. I read an article this morning that asserted that honor is something given to us by others, not something we can achieve on our own. I don’t agree. An honorable person is one who does the right thing, the ethical thing, whether others know that he / she is doing it or not.
One last thought, the Rule of Benedict lists grumbling or murmuring as one of the most serious crimes a monk can commit against community life. It may seem strange at first that he (Benedict of Nursia) takes such a hard line against grumbling, but there is a good reason for his attitude. Complaining and negativity undermine moral and are contagious. Thankfully, joy and gratitude are contagious as well. So, again it comes down to choice: what do you want people to catch from you?
Blessings 🙂
Excuse me, I meant they “undermine morale”
Thanks for these thoughts, Christine. I agree with you that behaving honorably comes from a sense of morality within us.
Benedict wisely realized that naysayers can pull down the spirit of an entire group. While we should have safe places to vent, persistent “ventors” are wearing to be around.
It’s the old Biblical concept of blessings and curses. Speak (write and twitter) the blessings, not the curses.
Thank you for this post. All too often we complain about more than we should, whether it involves personal or business. That’s the part of FB I don’t like – a platform to complain.
May I never be guilty of persistent complaining! I find that sometimes those who read by FB comments respond with doses of reality.
Earlier this summer, we were experiencing 60-degree weather. I mentioned with dismay my wintery attire on FB. Well, those who were suffering through triple-digits temps soon reminded me of how fortunate I was. Ah, I needed to hear that.
Janet, thanks for a great reminder today.
So true, yet so very tricky. As bloggers, it’s important to “keep things real” with our readers, which is hard to do while keeping a cheery face on. In the course of blogging, I’ve definitely learned to focus more on plowing ahead, rather than groaning in misery online…grin.
There’s also a moral quandary if you know a certain agent is a waste of time (in other words, they don’t know the industry, don’t communicate with clients, etc)…you don’t want to name names, yet you don’t want your writing friends to waste 6 months to a year of their time on said agent. I’ve tried to walk the line of decency by saying I’ve had a bad experience, learned from it, now have an awesome agent, etc. I figure if my writing friends want a name, they can email me and then I’ll share more details.
Professional, yet candid. That’s the goal, I think.
Heather,
Your point about wanting to save other writers from bad agents is an excellent one. Of course, you don’t want to name names in a public forum, but finding a way to pass the information along privately is important. It’s like knowing that someone is a quack of a doctor. It would be wrong to name him or her on Twitter, for example, but you also would make sure that your friends knew not to go to him / her.
I do think there’s a time and place for sharing advice, but it’s best done in a private email situation. I should mention that it’s no agent in Books & Such! I love this blog and I’m dead sure all your agents are highly reputable!
Janet, Didn’t see the example you quoted, and am horrified that it occurred. One of the curses (many, in my opinion) of social media is that there’s a temptation to offer too much information, including personal and professional stuff that should be kept confidential.
One of the most egregious examples of letting out too much information too soon is the writer who’s been told they’re going to get a contract, and immediately posts it on Twitter, Facebook, and eloops even before the final document is hammered out by their agent and signed by both parties. I’ve seen it happen…more than once.
As always, thanks for good advice.
Good point, Richard. Sometimes–not often, but it does happen–the contract negotiations break down. A publisher might have created a new contract template that is over-reaching. If the agent can’t negotiate that contract to a place that is acceptable, and the agent knows other publishers were interested in the project, the agent will walk away from the negotiation.
But, if the client has touted this as a done-deal, the client might put pressure on the agent to move forward with the contract. That would be doing a disservice to both the agent and the client, but I could see that happening.
Those seem like pretty serious ramifications affecting many people for not much gain!
Your second point above about fostering trust is so important. When I think of what to share or respond to online, I (try to) consider how my actions will affect others. I do so imperfectly, but it remains a priority.
That’s such a good place to operate from, Caroline.
Janet, I think my generation believes we have to be true to ourselves above all else. The fact is, however, that we don’t have to share our true feelings EVERYWHERE. Discretion is something we should learn, and learn well. Twitter is not coffee with my agent. Thanks for another great post.
You make a good point. True feelings can be shared with your agent but seldom should be shared everywhere.
A fellow writer’s inability to keep things to herself nearly destroyed my favorite group of writers. We’ve been together as a group since April of 2007. What should have been a safe place for one best-selling author to vent her frustrations turned into a nightmare when another writer violated one of the three rules of the group.
I’ve since distanced myself from the writer who broke group rules, as have many others in the group. I had a couple of really tough decisions to make because one writer couldn’t keep her mouth shut. It was really sad and a very painful time for us as a group.
There is a time and place where keeping secrets is the right thing to do. Wish more people realized it.
That’s a sad story. Writers NEED their critique partners and writing groups to be safe havens.
I’ve heard of writers stealing other writers’ ideas in critique groups.
Your group at least had rules, but if they weren’t enforced–as in, the writer being asked to leave the group–then your group was eviscerated and can never be what it should be.
We were prepared to ask her to leave. Thankfully she took the high road and left on her own. It would not have been the first time we’ve asked someone to leave.
This is such an terrific post, Janet! So important for all of us to remember.
A year or so ago there was an author who complained and argued with a reviewer about the poor rating they received for their novel. Many comments in poor taste later the conversation went viral. That author severely damaged their reputation.
On another occasion, I overheard a few clients talking about agents in a shuttle ride back to the airport from ACFW. I got an ear full of information that I am quite sure they wouldn’t want any one to overhear and share with their agent. (Not regarding any agents from Books & Such) Luckily for them, I didn’t share it. I did avoid their agent myself though when I starting looking for an agent.
Great information, Janet!
Michelle, thanks for reminding us that talking with safe people in public places is dangerous. We have a rule among the Books & Such agents that we can’t talk about private information with each other in elevators, on escalators, or in hotel hallways. You never know who might be listening in. Now we can all add shuttles to that list.
I think it reveals our character and true motivations when we trumpet what we see as triumphs over… anyone. Trying to lower someone else doesn’t necessarily elevate ourselves. I still struggle with trying to “win” an argument on facebook. Better to not get drawn into the argument. Business is business and as the guy following the Roman conquerers used to say, “All glory is fleeting.”
Unless you’re God.
Darby, it is true that trying to lower others doesn’t elevate us. Darn, it would make life so much simpler if that equation worked differently!
I remember sitting on a panel with another writer who announced that she had received a $45,000 advance for three unwritten books. The publisher was in the audience and was very displeased that this information was made public.
Absolumente! I’m with the publisher. Imagine how that author moved into Unfavored Nation status with the publisher via one opening of her mouth.
Great advice. Mum’s the word. Variation on a theme: if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all (about yourself OR others).
Boy, is that one hard for me at times!
Thanks, Marta, for boiling my post down to one sentence. Amen!
While the digital age has made it possible for us to very quickly share our trials with fellow-writers, I remember Elisabeth Elliot encouraging listeners long ago to take every thought, every concern, every request to the cross first. Her contention was that if we talk our troubles and disappointments over with the Father first, we may be surprised to learn that we no longer have a need to share that concern at the next prayer meeting. Nowadays, the application would apply to our prayer loops and writers group on the internet. I try to remember to pray long and hard FIRST … before clicking keys. Elliot said, “God knows. God allows. God plans. God permits.” Can’t tell you how often I’ve had that mantra posted around my home office! Thanks, Janet, for this reminder to be professional in our conduct.
And thank you, Stephanie, for reminding us of the first and most important step to take when we’re hurt, disappointed, discouraged, or angry…to our Father.
Great advice. Such an important thing to think about.
One way I know who is safe is this: If a person shares info with me that others don’t want shared, I know I can’t trust that person. If they don’t ever share gossip WITH me, I trust that they won’t share gossip ABOUT me.
I think we need to be careful about WHAT WE WRITE on social media, but I also think we ought to be careful about HOW WE READ.
I might read a post and think, “Yeah for you, you sold a book. I would be that excited, too, if I sold a book.” And someone else will read the same post and say, “Could you believe how that person was bragging about selling a book? As if she’s better than the rest of us.” Or I’ll read a post and think, “Oh that poor person has really been struggling and needs prayer.” Someone else will say to me, “Did you see how that person has to try to grab the spotlight?” Or I’ll think someone was complaining and mean and someone else will read the same post and think the person was writing a brilliant and kind critique of the industry.
For myself, I ask God for wisdom and for courage, and I ask him to make my enemies live at peace with me and to cause me to grow in favor with men. For others, I try to read every post in the most charitable light possible.
I fail often, but I keep aiming for these things.
Sally, I appreciate your reminder to us that we read with kind hearts what others write online.
Posts like this are why I subscribe! I was interviewing a home owner this morning for a house profile for a regional magazine. The family is well known in Maine and asked to remain anonymous. Not even my family knows who it is!
Now that’s discretion!
I’m still amused by the movie Ghostbusters, where Rick Moranis’s character, a CPA, throws a party for his clients. As each guest arrives, he broadcasts their name, net worth, and investment strategies.
Ha! Imagine a publisher announcing the arrival of each author at a party that way. We could watch ego inflate and deflate all around the room.
I meant to type “egos.”
I confess that I have to do battle with myself on this topic regularly. How and when to talk about the good … and the bad of publishing. I often open my mouth too much and then beat myself up over it later, wishing I hadn’t been so chatty about certain parts of the publishing journey on some of my books. But I always try to look to what God has been teaching me through the steps, sharing the hope that those new lessons have taught. When I share, I hope that some of what I’ve learned along the way will encourage others who are on a similar path.
Thanks for your encouragement and wisdom, Janet. This is an excellent reminder that what we say has real repercussions. If we need to vent (and I guess we all do at times), we have to find a vault, someone who knows how to not share those comments.
Love the idea of locating a “vault.”
Thank you Janet. I mean that. I am close to launching my website and you’ve given me pause for thought. I intend to go through my content right now and look for any hidden whines!!
You’re welcome, Yvette. And good luck on your hunt for whines.
Great post. And I’m reminded again about the tremendous impact not only negative public talk has, but of the impact negative self-talk has. One can perpetuate the other. If you always frame yourself as failing in social media, or as being one to “step in it,” it will drift into your view of yourself, if that makes sense. Self-fulfilling prophecies. A good small group of friends offline is a better choice. I’ve learned this the very hard way.
Ciar, there is an element of self-fulfilling prophecy in what we’re talking about. If you think of yourself as a loser, you’ll portray yourself as one, and well, we know how that story ends.
But seeing the hope in your situation helps you to find more reason to hope.
What a wonderful feeling of safety to know that the agents and employees of Books & Such are so careful and honorable.
Many years ago one of my colleagues shared a truism her mother had taught her: “All you have is your reputation.” I’ve always tried to remember that when I’m making decisions; it’s stood me in good stead so far!
And what was this agent thinking? (Or, was the agent thinking?) Definitely not good.
Thanks for the reminder, Janet! I’m listening to the 2012 Mt. Hermon recordings and in one of the workshops Jim Bell said to treat social media like a party. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say at a party. Be gracious and kind and fun!