In honor of Mother’s Day weekend, let’s discuss a popular, but loaded term in the writing world that means something good, but can have some unintended, negative consequences.
What’s the phrase? Book Baby
Perhaps you’ve heard the following examples:
I just signed a contract. I’m having a book baby, y’all!
It’s almost time! My book baby arrives next month!
Look, most every writer that I know has used this phrase at one point or another, including me. (Guys may not use this phrase as much, but I suspect that they may groove with the concept).
Like a pregnant mother, some writers see their Book Baby as a much-anticipated project that must be nourished and nurtured from inception to delivery*. Over the long days and nights, writers see themselves incubating their project within the warm, protected walls of their writing spaces. Then, just like the miracle of birth, many authors have miraculous stories that frame their book baby’s journey, whether a divinely timed meeting with an agent or editor or a viral social post that catapulted a platform.
The phrase Book Baby is a metaphor that captures the forward-thinking dreams, heightened emotions and potentially life-changing nature of writing a book or the publishing process.
This is why the phrase Book Baby is loaded. Please know that I’m not demeaning the phrase or calling writers to stop using it. This post offers a reminder to be careful about where your manuscript or book sits in the emotional stratosphere of your life. Books aren’t babies. Yes, you know this. But sometimes, we’ve got to be reminded of what we know. When writers are too emotionally attached to their projects, it can set them up for unrealistic expectations, unhealthy stubbornness or crushing disappointment.
While it’s important for you to be passionate and committed to writing, there are some drawbacks when you’re fixed and focused on a specific outcome for a project.
When you’re overly emotionally invested in your Book Baby:
…You may develop blind spots when it comes to seeing the realities of the publishing market and the salability of your project;
…You will likely struggle to invite helpful critique or listen to trusted voices who suggest necessary changes to your work;
…You may want to protect yourself or your book from rejection so you avoid taking risks, like contacting an important influencer or investing in the support that you need for a strong book launch
Finally, one of the riskiest consequences of overly-emotional investment is a reluctance to put the manuscript aside when it isn’t capturing the interest of an agent or editor.
Here’s the bottom line on this difficult conversation: Books aren’t babies, but they are precious. Celebrate your words because you’ve written them, not because you’re putting expectations on what you want from them.
Today’s post was inspired by a friend’s Instagram story on Mother’s Day. She was standing in a field of wheat cradling a tiny baby bump. It was a baby that she knew that she’d never have due to her pain-filled battle with endometriosis, which would not allow her body to support a pregnancy to term. But, my friend captured that meaningful pregnancy moment anyways.
Writer friends, while you may write words that will never be published, every single one of your words can be celebrated. As you look at your writing words today, smile at your screen or if you write like Barack Obama, smile at your yellow notepad**. Even if you delete all of those words in a few hours, they matter because you wrote them. Each of those words, no matter where they end up, are all important steps in your writing journey.
Celebrate what you’ve written, challenge yourself to stay flexible and remain curious and open-handed about how your idea, manuscript or finished book will turn out.
JOIN THE CONVERSATION: What are the pros and cons of the phrase “Book Baby”? Are there some clues that indicate when a writer is overly emotionally attached to a writing project? How do you keep from getting too attached?
*Okay, there’s whole, controversial national debate on reproductive rights. This post does not represent any point of view, so no assumptions should be made based on any particular word choice.
**According to a number of sources, former President Obama wrote his best-selling memoir on a series of yellow notepads, not a laptop.
Comes and Goes
From hyperbole save me;
please do not let it thrive.
My writing’s not a baby,
my words are not alive.
I’m not demeaning what I do,
and I do my best.
To some it may have value,
but I will not invest
my heart in what I have created,
even though it has been fun,
for history is annotated
with the people who’ve become
so hooked on paper ‘son and daughter’
that they missed much that life had to offer.
Well said, Andrew! Well said!
Sometimes people are too emotionally invested in their children, too. They try to live their own lives through their child’s instead of letting the child be their own person. You should love your children, and you can love your books, but never forget neither of them are you.
So true, Elissa! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your comment today.
Yes, yes, yes! This was the best piece of advice I’ve ever received. (Thank you, Tamera Alexander.) Books are not our babies. They are products…a reflection of our hearts. They are not our worth. When I wrapped my mind around this shift, handling rejection and criticism was much easier to handle. Excellent post!
Tara, that’s so good! “They are not our worth.” Yes and amen, my friend!
This is so good, Barb! Yes, I’ve felt that squeeze in my heart when I realized I was not willing to edit a particular story. My first middle grade manuscript featured triplets, three boys. I have three sons (not triplets) and during that very brief stage, all three of them wanted to be in one of my stories. In amazement, I set fingers to keyboard and penned a raucous adventure to delight my 3 sons. I included many of the crazy plot elements they wanted and when their buddy asked to be in the story, I added an improbable character who was constantly falling asleep. The only one of my stories that I read aloud to them, they ran around shouting and bouncing and pretending to battle prehistoric creatures while I read. Although, my oldest was quite upset that “his” character had doubts about smuggling a 25lb puppy to camp. “I would love a puppy! How could anyone possibly think that a surprise puppy is a problem!” When I explained that I needed conflict, he was still not convinced. Well, not realizing that I had actually written this for my sons and not for the market, I pitched it at a conference. The editor pointed out valid things that needed to change … like the fact that there were no girl heroes and that perhaps pre-historic critters rampaging at summer camp was just a tad farfetched. I edited the story for years, then I realized something important. This story hadn’t been written for the market. It was for three amazing boys who would never be in that particular stage of life again. Three boys who for one instant, wanted their mom to write them into a story, the more unlikely, the better! I have moved on to other stories, ones with other readers in mind, ones that I can edit to pieces as needed. I know that first middle grade adventure was exactly what it was supposed to be, a gift for my boys.
Kristen, you’ve beautifully captured what many writers and literary agents already know. Sometimes, the story is just for us or the people that we love, but not always for publishing. I felt out of the post that I have a novel that sits by my bed. I wrote it almost 20 years ago and it’s dear to my heart. But, like you’ve beautifully shared, we have to know when the stories are for us. Thank you.
I’ve never actually used the phrase, but in telling the story of my very first novel I often say that it was like being pregnant because I lived night and day with the ideas churning and, like a baby, that book was going to come out. I wish all my books would come like that, although I’m not sure i could handle the urgency now.
Thank you for sharing this, Donna!
I am so sorry for your friend. what a courageous thing for her to do. And you’re “When you’re overly emotionally invested in your Book Baby” advice was right on. Thank you for the post.
Hi Linda – Thanks for stopping by our Books & Such blog and joining the conversation!
I feel very sad for the lady in the wheat field – I can imagine the stinging eyes and the hot, salty tears. Many people, both male and female, suffer the bitter disappointment of never having children or grandchildren, but there is still an urge to leave something behind us. Something that outlasts us. Like a book. A book that had meaning to us, Just sometimes, the market can wait.