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The Role of Disappointment

November 1, 2021 //  by Cynthia Ruchti//  19 Comments

blogger: Cynthia Ruchti

It may seem counterintuitive to consider the priceless role of disappointment, or that disappointment could bear any positive role, much less priceless. But many veteran authors–none of whom (NONE) have escaped disappointment–attest that lessons learned at the feet of defeat or unmet expectations bring untold value.

priceless disappointmentHard pill to swallow? Take a big drink of water, tilt your head back, and let the truth of it slide down. Disappointment can lead to our greatest gains as writers.

How?

The role of disappointment? Builds character.

Few things in life use ease as a springboard to growth. It’s the stretching, reaching, sweating, doing the hard thing that builds a person physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We don’t improve as a pianist by resting our hands on the keyboard and waiting for our fingers to one day magically engage with the music. We learn in the struggle. Some say learning ONLY happens through struggle.

Rearranges our priorities.

Priceless roleWhen disappointment or difficulty hit a writer, it can become a catalyst for change…of attitude. Is it more important that I sell lots of books or that I impact people? Is fame a goal worth aspiring to? What costs am I willing to pay to pursue this career? Will it be worth it if I gain NYTimes Bestseller status and lose my family in the process? (It was a rhetorical question.)

Disappointment humbles us.

In a good way. If disappointment devastates us, paralyzes us, incapacitates us, then we have given disappointment too much control. But if it reminds us that we are human, fallible, and that the universe does not as purported revolve around “me”; if it gentles us and builds empathy within us; if it makes us patient with others and willing to leave our “the world owes me” sash tucked in a locked drawer, then it has accomplished good.

But what now?

What practical steps can we take if we are faced with mounting writer disappointments (no contract, no second contract, faint or fading sales numbers, great project but no one seems interested, a measure of success but unrepeatable, or anything from a bad book cover to an egregious typo to hateful reviews)?role of disappointment

  • Ramp up your prayer labor, if prayer is part of your life practices.
  • Rest. Is exhaustion doing the talking and thinking for you?
  • Regroup and/or group if you never did in the first place.
  • Retool. What haven’t you tried, or have resisted, that could make a difference?
  • Revise your patterns and plans.
  • Redream. Has all this been to set you up for a more fulfilling dream?
  • Revitalize your resilience. As the health-conscious would boost their immune system, so do the disappointment-conscious.
  • Recommit—to your career, rather than to someone’s definition of success.
  • Reset your mindset. Attitude is everything.
  • Research—What’s selling and why? Do my gifts intersect with any of those answers?
  • Reorganize. Change up how, when, where, and why you write. Reorganize your environment and see what flows from it.
  • Redefine success. “Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm” (Abraham Lincoln).
  • Rebound. Charles Lindberg said, “Success is not measured by what a man accomplishes, but by the opposition he encountered and the courage he maintained in his struggle against it.”
  • Resist impulsiveness. Never make a permanent decision about a temporary situation.
  • Redeem lost ideas. They may have been waiting for this moment.
  • Rejoice that you were given the privilege of writing…no matter what comes.

And what if?

What if we changed the language of our disappointments? What if we made word trades? How would that affect not only our attitude but the atmosphere around us?

Trade “I don’t have a contract” for “I’m currently between contracts.”

“My book sales are so disappointing” can become “My sales numbers are lower than I and my publisher would like, but I am grateful for all the readers who have responded.”

Trade “I feel like I’m spending more than I’m making” for “I’m investing in my writing.”

Exchange “The editor said no. I’m devastated” for “The editor said no. I’m moving on, looking for another opportunity.”

Trade “Writing is hard” for “Writing is hard, and that’s making me strong.”

“I’ve waited so long. I’m losing hope” becomes “I’ve waited so long. I’m well practiced at it.”

Trade “This isn’t fair” for “Nothing in life is truly fair. My goal is not being treated fairly, but treating others fairly.”

“Why doesn’t anything work out the way I want it to?” can become “The secret to contentment is adjusting expectations.”

Trade “One disappointment after another!” for “One opportunity after another. An opportunity to mature, to grow, and reconsider what’s next.”

If disappointment has drained you as a writer, consider that you are not without options for reclaiming your joy. It may mean laying your writing down. Setting it aside. Or it may mean readjusting your expectations, your approach, your genre, and perhaps even your words.

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Category: Authors, Blog, Business of writing, Writing LifeTag: dealing with disappointment, disappointment, the priceless role of disappointment, writer disappointment

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  1. Deena Adams

    November 1, 2021 at 6:30 am

    Thank you for this post, Cynthia. Great advice!

    Reply
    • Cynthia Ruchti

      November 1, 2021 at 8:10 am

      Thank you so much!

      Reply
  2. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    November 1, 2021 at 6:48 am

    When it’s bleak and disappointing
    and failure clouds your vision,
    consider it anointing
    of your ordained mission,
    for as a writer you are called
    to touch a broken heart,
    and likewise yours must be galled
    that you may play your part
    in coming alongside the weary,
    to give, in words, supporting arms,
    and in your face that once was teary,
    in your smile that’s suffered harms,
    they’ll know that they are not forsaken
    and feel the seed of hope awaken.

    Reply
    • Cynthia Ruchti

      November 1, 2021 at 8:10 am

      Yes, Andrew!

      Reply
  3. Kristen Joy Wilks

    November 1, 2021 at 6:51 am

    So so, Important! Thank you, Cynthia! Disappointment has given me the strength to write things that are completely new. I’ve gained the ability to cut 33,000 words out of a ms. that needed cutting. I’ve been able to show my 3 sons passion and hard work as they watched their mom pursue a dream and yet stay focused on being their mother as well. Good good things that I would not have gained otherwise.

    Reply
    • Cynthia Ruchti

      November 1, 2021 at 8:11 am

      Great insights, Kristen!

      Reply
  4. Wendy L. Macdonald

    November 1, 2021 at 7:09 am

    Thank you, dear Cynthia, for sharing so much wisdom here for us to chew on and nourish us as writers for Him.
    Love this truth that reminds us we’re not wasting our time no matter how things turn out (or don’t turn out): “It’s the stretching, reaching, sweating, doing the hard thing that builds a person physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.”
    Blessings ~ Wendy Mac

    Reply
    • Cynthia Ruchti

      November 1, 2021 at 8:11 am

      So very true.

      Reply
  5. Deb Gorman

    November 1, 2021 at 7:17 am

    Great blog post, Cynthia. This especially grabbed me: “Is it more important that I sell lots of books or that I impact people?”

    I thought about that just a couple of days ago, but in my brain it was worded differently. The thought impacted me so hard that I designed a meme on Canva, and scheduled it to post this morning:

    “You Must Choose…If you had to choose between publishing a wildly successful, God-honoring novel-putting it into the hands of thousands-and leading the soul in front of you to Jesus, which would you choose?”

    For some of us, that might be a tough question to answer honestly.

    Reply
    • Cynthia Ruchti

      November 1, 2021 at 8:11 am

      Wow, Deb. I’ll go look for that post and share it!

      Reply
      • Deb Gorman

        November 1, 2021 at 8:32 am

        FYI, I did just share it on WCCW page… 🙂

  6. Virginia Sue Graham

    November 1, 2021 at 10:04 am

    What a great post! I already agree with you 100%, but it’s really nice to read your encouraging words.

    Reply
    • Cynthia

      November 1, 2021 at 1:33 pm

      Thanks, Virginia.

      Reply
  7. Shelly Sulfridge

    November 1, 2021 at 11:29 am

    Thank you for sharing. New writers like me need to hear the truth but also be encouraged that disappointments bring growth. My first rejection was hard, but thankfully the agent was honest in telling me where I needed work. It made me work harder than ever. I’m saving this blog post because it filled with wisdom I will need time and time again. Blessings, Shelly.

    Reply
    • Cynthia

      November 1, 2021 at 1:34 pm

      Bless you for that.

      Reply
  8. Terrie Todd

    November 1, 2021 at 3:59 pm

    Thanks so much for this, Cynthia. It really helps to know rejection and disappointments affect us all. It’s way too easy to start thinking it’s just me. Those let-downs keep us humble, and without humility we have no hope of truly serving the Lord or others.

    Reply
    • Cynthia Ruchti

      November 1, 2021 at 4:01 pm

      Thank you, Terrie. We all need encouragement!

      Reply
  9. Shelli Littleton

    November 2, 2021 at 10:36 am

    So much beauty and hope here. Disappointment draws us into the depths of God’s embrace to seek, know, and love Him more.

    Reply
    • Cynthia Ruchti

      November 2, 2021 at 10:38 am

      Very true, Shelli!

      Reply

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