Blogger: Wendy Lawton
The other day I was pondering the definition of love from the thirteenth chapter of First Corinthians. Such wise words. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, does not envy, isn’t proud,does not dishonor others, isn’t self-seeking, isn’t easily angered, doesn’t keep records of wrongs, doesn’t delight in evil, love rejoices in truth, protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres, and never fails.
And our main mission is to love. Simple, right?
Well, I got stuck at the first one. Love is patient. If my work as a literary agent is dependent on my mission to love– I have a long way to go. Patience is not one of my strong suites.
I was thinking of an acquaintance who just last week asked me how her sister, who’d written some newspaper articles, could make a living as a writer. The sister was prepared to quit her job and give it a shot. I inwardly groaned. I hate to always be a naysayer but I felt impatient. The people I deal with have all done their homework first. They not only know what it takes to build a career as a writer but most of them have already invested years in preparation. The queries I receive all show a high level of understanding of the industry, format, subject matter and market. When I give an answer I can rest assured I am talking to someone who has already mastered all the quirks and intricacies of our chosen industry.
I didn’t even know where to start. Do I begin with my “Don’t quit your day job” speech? Too depressing, maybe. Do I suggest how to begin to narrow the focus? Do I talk about investigating corporate writing or tech writing if a job is what she’s trying to replace? I think I stuttered and stammered before suggesting her sister begin to read writing blogs and get familiar with the writing community and see how other people are doing it. I felt like I was brushing her off but to adequately deal with her second-hand inquiry would require something akin to a four-year degree.
I know this is not new to you. I’m guessing you regularly have people ask if you will write their story. (Everyone’s told them it would make a fascinating book.) Or ask you how one “gets into” writing. How do you handle it? Are you conflicted by the charge to love people– to patiently put an arm around people and mentor them– and the reality of the vast amount of information they need before their dream is even viable? Got any good suggestions for me? for us?
Good morning Wendy,
I’m sitting here with my thumb planted firmly in my mouth. That I burnt it with my fried egg is irrelevent. I want my mommy.
Yesterday, I felt like I could do anything. Today?
Meh.
Not so much.
I have had people tell me that I wll be writing their story, isn’t advance warning grand? But then I tell them I’ve got a few books to finish before I get to them. I hadn’t defined “few”, so we’re good to avoid them for a few decades.
On to my point…
Jaime Escalante, the teacher portrayed by Edward James Olmos in “Stand and Deliver” told his students that they had to have “ganas”, which is the Spanish word for desires or wishes. If I said “tengo ganas” , I’m saying “I really, really MUST have that”.
He translated that phrase as “I have to have the ‘want to'”.
This morning I got an email that I didn’t want. From a dear friend who wrote it with love and grace. She put a nice, warm, home made quilt around some not so favourable reviews. But after the wee bit of bruising, what keeps me going?
Simple.
“Yo tengo ganas.”
I have the will, the want, the deep desire to succeed.
Tell them they HAVE to have the want, the hunger, the desire to keep going. If they don’t have that, then walk away now. No matter what, no one will love your story as much as you do.
Oh, and as I say to a dear,dear friend who is not doing so good…Semper Fi.
Always faithful.
I have cold compresses and chocolate for those bruises….
Remember these words: Epic saga. Epic. Saga.
These words will work, too: Yo tengo ganas.
Hugs,
Becky
Often those words we don’t want to hear are just a redirect. It may just mean “Not this, it’s going to be something else.” (And that “something else” will be so much more exciting).
Keep dreaming Jennifer!
Were you listening on a certain phone convo today?
Wendy, I’m with you. It seems that the longer we’re in the publishing world, the more people we run across who think that if they spent a weekend writing, they’d get a million dollar contract. And it becomes so easy to be impatient with them and roll our eyes.
It’s not like the same people ask us over and over, but it gets tiresome. So yes, patience is required.
Hear, hear, Sally. We all cringe when we hear something like,”When I have time I’m going to sit down and write a novel. Not this fluff– a serious work.” As if all it took was sitting down.
“As if all it took was sitting down.” That made me laugh.
I think what makes me impatient is the idea that it’s easy, that anyone can do it if they care to. Granted, most people don’t react that way when I tell them I’m a writer. But the ones who do definitely push my impatience button. I want to say, “Oh yeah? You’re a rocket scientist, right? How hard can that be. A little lighter fluid, a little flame and kaboom, off to space.”
I don’t say that. But I want to. 🙂
I’ve never heard a conversation as follows:
“Starting tomorrow I’m going to be a Mechanic.”
“Wow. I didn’t think you knew that much about cars.”
“I don’t. But anyone can drive a car.”
Most people know that you have to study to become a mechanic, but a lot of people assume that writing is all natural. I think people need the honest answer you provided and the encouragement to study writing first (while they have the back up of a job). Over time they will figure out if they have a grasp of the tools they need and, yes, the “ganas”, too!
The impatience may come from being asked the same question over and over, but the answer should still always be gracious (reflecting the grace of God) and honest (steadfast to the truth).
Now ask me to apply that toward my 5 year old!
Becky, this was great!! Great analogy.
Perfect, Becky.
I have been a technical writer officially for almost five years and I make a very good living as one. However, people came after me to be a technical writer because of over 20 years of experience in data processing which I learned the hard way. This also includes over 9 1/2 years in quality assurance. For the most part I am considered a generic engineer at the engineering company I work for. When I was in college there was no school that offered majors in technical writing. I ended up as a communications major. Now there are including my alma mater. I worked with a person a lot younger than me who has a degree in technical writer. Because she does not have the background that I have she does not always understand why things are done.
What I am saying is a technical writer pays their dues just like any author. When I publish my book, I don’t expecect to give up my day job and I don’t expect that I will make the money that I do now as a technical writer. I am not authoring a book for the money or fame, I am authoring a book because I have a story that I want told.
As for people wanting me to write or edit their newsletter, memoir, or co-author their book, I tell them that I get paid on a regular basis and that you can not afford my hourly rate.
Lori, you are absolutely right. Technical writing is a discipline that takes a huge amount of preparation. I mentioned it here not because I thought it would be easier– it’s not– but because if the goal is to replace day job the possibility is far greater with corporate communications or technical writing. But as you say the preparation is still four years of college plus experience in an appropriate field.
BTW, have you ever pitched a class on tech writing to writing conferences? I’ve often thought that was one area that is missing. (Plus when you are on faculty at a conference you get many more opportunities to connect with editors. 🙂
No I have never thought about pitching a class on tech writing. The thought of using it as an opportunity to connect with editors would be a great plus. I’ll keep this in mind. Thank you!!
The one that makes me cringe is, “I’m writing a book.” Or, “Bob is writing a book, you should talk to him.” And one of the reasons it makes me cringe is that I wonder if the thoughts running through my head are the same ones running through other people’s heads when I say I’M writing a book.
Remembering that people probably wonder how sketchy I am tends to help me be more patient when I have those thoughts myself . . .
Okay, I’m in TEARS!!!!
“Remembering that people probably wonder how sketchy I am tends to help me be more patient when I have those thoughts myself . . .”
I needed this laugh, Sarah,you are wickedly on the mark about this!!!
So true, Sarah. And then you have people who try to help you by mentioning tiny vanity presses when your own stuff is out on submission w/an agent. It’s hard to go into the technicalities of WHAT that agent is for, so I generally take the info and thank them. I know they’re on-board with my mission to get published, and they’re just trying to help me.
I’m constantly shocked that my FB and blog friends are still behind me, after four years trudging through the querying/proposing/waiting trenches. And I’ve written two books now. I think about how miserable it’ll be to have to break it to them if this one doesn’t pan out. And how embarrassing it’ll be to have to write another, completely different book.
But you’d better believe I’ll write it!
Anyway, back to Wendy’s question. I think mentoring is the way to go. I learned so much about blogging by watching those who were a few steps ahead of me. I learned about writing by getting critiqued and rejected. I hope I can help my writing peeps in some way, instead of sitting around waiting for my book to get snagged. Checking email relentlessly. Praying nonstop. Yup, it does get discouraging! But we have to focus on the process and encourage our peeps to keep with it.
Oh the vanity press and self-pub pushers! I, too, have mostly stopped explaining and just thank them for the information. I like your attitude–they’re just trying to help.
I like your honest comments Heather. I can relate. I’m trying to enjoy the journey. My favorite is when my hubby shares it around that I’ve written a book and I get the ignorant, “when will you publish it?” As if “I” can just run out and do that single handedly (obviously not interested in self-pubbing!) They mean well. They just want to see it in print as much as I do. But part of me wonders if they think “right, you wrote a book, and I just published an owners manual written in Chinese!”
But in the end, I’m having fun. I hope to publish some day. I want to keep moving further down the path of learning the craft and the industry. But if it never happens, and I never publish, I’d do it all again. I’ve met the most wonderful people, and I hope I’ve helped them on their journey to tell their stories.
The only thing worse is “I’m writing a children’s book and my friend is illustrating it.”
No, Wendy, the worst thing is when they’ve written a children’s book that their friend illustrated AND bring it into the library and ask (though it sounds more like “tell”)you to add it to your collection. Yes, this has happened to me–many times. 🙁
This is a tough spot and I see a few different sides of it when I talk about writing.
The very obvious one you talked about that it’s an easy and fast road.
Then there are those that when I talk about how long I’ve been writing but am haven’t had a book published yet it means I must not be a good enough writer.
The third is those that really try to understand and are practical people but then they are like it’s such a hard road, so few people make it you’re wasting your time.
I never know how to react to any of them.
Add to that the fact that many people assume you will be living a lifestyle like Richard Castle.
At this point, I have a lot of grace for people who don’t seem to know a lot about the industry, because I was one of them a few years ago. I asked questions–hopefully intelligent ones–and they were patiently answered. So I try to have patience and share anything I’ve learned with others. However, there’s a difference between someone who is teachable and someone who hasn’t bothered to investigate things for himself/herself, between someone who genuinely has no idea where to start and needs a gentle nudge in the right direction and someone who wants you to do all the work for him/her…
It’s true– everyone needs to start somewhere. I guess I’m overwhelmed by how much there is to learn at the outset. Overwhelmed by where to start when trying to help.
I do know one route would be education like Jerry Jenkins’ Christian Writer’s Guild. They do an amazing job of taking writers from 0 to 60 with all the tools they need to be successful.
Wendy-I think it showed grace that you didn’t default to “don’t quit your day job” and referring her to blogs was a starting point. I had a dear friend tell me about her ancestors, that she thought their story would make a good book. What I didn’t realize right away was that she thought when I heard about them, I would want to write it! I prayed for a gracious answer, because I am busy with my own projects. I told her that they were her stories and I would help her figure out how to address writing their story and how to flesh them out as characters. I gave her some food for thought, but I haven’t heard any more recently.
There are other times I’m afraid I haven’t been as helpful or patient as I could be, usually out of frustration, when I don’t feel I have the time.
Earlier this summer, I had a second-hand request for editing for someone that sounded more like a request for rewriting. I literally didn’t have time until August, which I told the person who contacted me. Second, I told them that I could read over it and give some suggestions, but that if they were looking for a rewrite, I would have to charge something. Was I too harsh? Unloving? I felt my time was worth something and that I needed to have boundaries. I guess that’s where balance comes in and it’s not always easy.
I really like Becky’s analogy. Perhaps that would be a good one to share with someone who thinks writing a book or making a living as a writer is no big deal . . . as long as it’s done kindly, because usually people just don’t understand. It’s a learning process.
Kathleen, I believe strongly in the biblical mandate that a workman is worthy of his hire. Besides, people don’t value something if they don’t have to sacrifice for it. You were not harsh– you were professional.
Thank you for the encouragement, Wendy, and for taking time to respond.
Wendy,
Your heart for what you do shines through all your interactions, and I thing the suggestion you gave to start with writers blogs was perfect. That’s how I started to get a feel for the industry– writer, agent, publisher blogs and social media interactions, and boy has my understanding of it all changed from my start last September when I sat down to scratch out my MS and read through a 2-decades-old craft book.
Thanks for your exhortation to be patient and loving in our interactions. My sister and I were just talking Sunday about how so often it’s not our actions, but the heart behind our actions, which mold their tone, their effect (and effectiveness), and their purpose. Praying for my own heart to be grounded in ministry through it all.
Me, too. It’s so easy to slip into snarky agent mode– especially since it is often expected and can feel fun and sassy but an agent is called to be a servant to his clients.
Wendy – love your heart for people. Love that your business IS your heart. Patience? Like it or not, you have it in boatloads…um, you’re still dealing with all of us, right????
Hugs and thanks for the charge.
Blessings,
Becky
I sure had good lessons in patience when I was on your side of the desk– in those early years as an aspiring writer. I will never forget.
I am in no way an expert in this field. But in three years I’ve immersed myself in learning the craft, pep talked myself in beating the odds, and prayed my heart out. See three years ago, and prior, I could tell a story. Now (finally) I know how to write one–not that I’ve stopped learning or consider myself an expert or the next (insert awesome author here)by any means!
Now I get to put together my education (through trial and error, mentors, reading, blog following, lots of mistakes, crits, etc, etc) with my love of telling stories.
So, yeah, I’m no expert, but when I look at people who are at the stage of their journey that I was three years ago–the ones that are willing to put in the hours, make the mistakes and develop the thick skin (I never thought it was possible either)–I want to help them. I really do.
But the ones that aren’t willing–a smile and nod will do. 🙂
What a perfect way to look at it. Help those who are honestly seeking help and brush off those who know it all already.
When I was first starting out, I felt like my WIP was a masterpiece.
…And my mentor told me it sucked.
It was discouraging, but it was what I needed to hear; that the book I W-A-N-T-E-D to write was not the book I had actually put onto paper.
Yet he saw the glimmers of what I wanted it to be, what it could be; it was just a question of whether or not I would put in the work and the dedication necessary to make it what I wanted it to be.
In regards to your question, Wendy, it would not be love to be anything less than honest when dealing with the dreams of others.
It would not be love, but cruelty. To give someone not a dream, but a delusion.
Regarding “It would not be love to be anything less than honest when dealing with the dreams of others.
It would not be love, but cruelty. To give someone not a dream, but a delusion.”
Amen, Larry, Amen.
How blessed you are to have a mentor. A truth-teller. It’s a rare, rare commodity.
So many good insights already shared.
I’m going to toss a few in with the mix:
The whole patience-virtue applied to the writing life?
First, I had to learn to be patient with me and my writing journey. And I’ve learned that … and some days I’m learning it all over again.
Actually, with each work-in-progress, I have to relearn it. Start a new writing marathon. Be willing to take the advice from mentors (“Love this story! Now, here’s what needs to be changed!”).
Patience often looks like this: Banging my head on the keyboard … and then looking up, and trying again.
Reality.
Patience with another writer or wannabe writer?
It means I always pray over my words first. I always love on the writer first and last. I never want to destroy anyone else’s dreams — that’s not my job. It’s not my right.
But … after at time, if we’ve been talking for a while, I will be a Voice of Truth in their lives. Hey, Voices of Truth show up in fiction. Why shouldn’t they show up in real life? But you have to earn the right to be a Voice of Truth.
Weighing the “when” of words — and then “how” and the “what” — that takes patience.
Thanks for this post, Wendy.
Telling the truth is hard. And sometimes very costly. But as Larry says above, “it would not be love to be anything less than honest when dealing with the dreams of others.”
When I was a consultant in another industry, I grew weary of people who expected me to help to get them started — at no charge.
Out of desperation I developed a website to address all their basic questions and begun referring people to it. The site saved me countless hours of time, wasted effort, and repeating myself.
Though I’ve not consulted since 2003, the website is still online and gets thousands of visitors each month.
As a bonus, I put Google ads on the site, which continue to generate ongoing income — not much, but enough to make be smile each month when the check arrives.
Brilliant, Peter! I love this.
Wendy, you had me with Corinthians because that particular passage from the bible was the one my dear gran quoted the most often. It’s very special to me.
I had a similar type of situation about a year ago. Though fortunately, my niece didn’t expect to quit her job in order to get started. Boy, there’s a boots-n-all philosophy! Rather, my niece said she’d had an idea for a book and was going to start writing. I simply felt duty-bound to say something. So what I did was similar to your response in a way, I suggested she join the N.Z. Society of Authors, and start studying the craft. I also bought her a dictionary and a thesaurus!
What a perfect response– a wise word of guidance and a gift of tools that say, “I believe in you.”
A year ago I said to a published author/friend “I’m considering doing some writing…” He pointed me directly to Rachelle Gardner’s blog with the instruction, “Learn as much about the industry as possible.” And so it began.
Thirteen months later I nearly hide my face when I say, “I’m writing a book.” I feel so ridiculous uttering the words! The process is grueling, and being published seems unlikely. I might as well be saying “I’m seeking an online degree to be an astronaut!”
And yet putting our dream into words– I’m writing a book– is a big step toward achieving our dreams.
Having recently been asked to write a book for a friend, this hits home for me.
She assured me she’d done all the research and being a teacher, she just didn’t have the time.
The minute I heard, “I need you to write my book for me.” I began silently praying ~ for wisdom, Spirit-filled words for my answer, and grace to temper all aspects of my delivery.
I also mentioned I was in the middle of rewriting the book proposal for my first novel and in the midst of writing the second novel too.
She sighed.
Then I offered to loan her the 2010 & 2011 Sally Stewart Christian market guides and the current 2012 Jerry B.Jenkins market guide. I placed post-it notes on the pages indicating the writers conferences I’ve attended, and marked all the writers aids that help me on my continuing writing journey.
Then I offered to pray with her for guidance and patience as she begins her own.
She’ll be attending Mt. Hermon next spring.
Bravo, Kathy. Perfect. And once she goes to Mount Hermon she will have joined the community of writers.
I send them to your blog….(laughing maniacally.)
I laughed when I read your post today. Our women’s organization’s motto is: Charity Never Faileth. We had a lesson on charity a couple weeks ago, the teacher asking what charity was. I gave her the “Love is patient” part of the verse, explaining that my lack of patience was how I knew I didn’t have charity yet. So don’t feel bad, Wendy, you aren’t alone.
I handle it by smiling and asking for their prayers that I do a better job at outlining, writing, editing, querying, synopsizing (hmm, apparently that isn’t a word, but it’s late and I’m about to be somnilizing), and that all my tomatoes will miraculously can themselves and no longer distract me from my computer.
The one I usually get is, “I’ll tell you my story, you write it, and we’ll split the proceeds 50-50.” I usually tell them I can’t write the story with the emotion that they can because I didn’t live it. But if they’ll write it, I’ll edit it–and give them my editing fee. I also usually encourage them to join a local writers’ group and, if they’re really serious (most of them aren’t!), I tell them about a nearby conference. What has helped me (and I’m not saying this as a sales pitch), in years past, people would call and say, “I want to be a writer. How do I get started.” Finally, I wrote the book I’ve wanted to write ever since I started teaching at conferences, “A Step in the Write Direction–the Complete How-to Book for Christian Writers.” I’ve had great responses from would-be writers who have been reading it. It’s my way of passing on all the help I received early in my life from my 5-6th grade teacher, our local public library’s children’s librarian–who introduced me to The Writer magazine when I was 9 years old, and the book editor at our denominational publishing house who I worked for when I was 20-22 years old.
I do consider all the ideas you have offered to your post.
They’re very convincing and will certainly work.
Still, the posts are very brief for starters. May you please lengthen them a little from subsequent time?
Thanks for the post.