Blogger: Wendy Lawton
It’s Christmastime and I can’t help but think about the frenzy of getting gifts for those we love. And even for those we feel we “must” gift. We often ask many questions in order to get just the right gift and we make sure a tag is firmly attached to each package so our recipient will know how much thought went into choosing that gift.
But what about secret giving?
My Dad was diagnosed with cancer during my last year of high school. He died just before my graduation. It devastated our family, especially my mom, a widow in her forties with seven children/ foster children and precious few resources. I had already planned to go away to college, and my mother insisted we keep things moving forward. She figured we’d manage it somehow. My counselors at school scurried to get financial aid for me, and by September, I packed my things and headed off to school with little more than change in my pockets. It was a scary time.
Money was so tight I had no idea how I would make it. That first Christmas, before school let out for break, I received a letter in my mail cubby in the dorm. It had no return address. Inside was a blank piece of paper wrapped around a twenty-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill. I don’t remember why I needed it so badly that exact moment, but I do remember bursting into tears. It made all the difference in the world to me at that time. I wracked my brain trying to figure out who had sent that gift. I never did solve the mystery, but those envelopes came three or four times each year I was in college–always just when I needed it most.
To this day I have no idea who my secret benefactor was, but he or she changed my life. Not because of the money or the belief in me, though that was no small thing. I learned firsthand the power of anonymous giving. It’s something of which the world has so little understanding. There’s a verse about this: “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven” (Matthew 6:1-3). My mysterious giver must have known that verse.
Because of this giver, my challenge has been to pass it on whenever I can. At Christmastime, most of us give and receive gifts that are given with great fanfare. I challenge you to find at least one way to practice secret giving. It’s not too late to take up this habit before 2016 tiptoes away.
My secret gift was a monetary gift but I know many of you secretly encourage other writers. You buy their books and salt public areas with their bookmarks. You anonymously post reviews. You talk about your writing friend to your editor or agent. So many secret gifts.
Have you had an anonymous angel in your life? Have you found any innovative ways to “pay it forward?” By sharing, you’ll help to inspire our giving.
What a wonderful post, Wendy.
* A couple of years ago our local Wal-Mart had an ‘angel tree’, with ornaments containing gift-wishes of disadvantaged kids. Most were for toys and games and clothing, some were for school supplies, but one kid swung for the fences – he wanted a bicycle.
* In our subsequent trips, most of the ornaments were taken down, wishes fulfilled…but the Bicycle Kid remained.
* On the last day the angel tree would be up, Barbara said, “Aw, the heck with it,” grabbed the ornament, and picked the nicest bike on the rack. “This is my Christmas gift to you, and yours to me, bubba,” she said, wheeling it past me to the registers.
* What an honour, to be married to someone like that.
Andrew, I love this story. I must be teary this morning, because they welled in my eyes as I read it.
That’s it! Melts my heart.
Wow, your wife is wonderful. 🙂 Please pass on the compliment, dear Andrew.
Jeanne, Shelli, and Wendy, thanks so much!
* I have another Barbara story (well, more than one). At her office Christmas party, she won a door prize, a set of Bose wireless earbuds. When she got the gift she went to her staff and casually asked what they had won in years past. When one lady, who has been there longer than Barbara has, said she had not won anything, Barbara handed her the ear buds and said, “Merry Christmas!”
* This same lady underwent cancer treatments earlier in the year, and Barbara donated her vacation time so that she could rest from chemo and still have an income.
* And if she ever runs across a stray dog on the road, she opens the car door to let him in…or chases him down through the sage. None are left behind.
That’s beautiful, Andrew. I’ll never forget when our youngest had cancer at 13 months old, many air force guys donated their leave for my husband and gave money to help with our medical expenses. You just never forget those kindnesses.
Several years back, I never did have enough. December was a period to get and get and ask until the bucket of gifts could take no more. Coming to the realization that One gave Himself for lack that I might enjoy His sufficiency, and choosing to enter this realization has been a great experience.
Now, even in the ‘not-enough’, I am sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency. I enjoy giving now, often to those I do not know (I thought this was the best form, being that they can’t pay it back).
Would add secret giving to the list for this Christmas. I mean, it’s fun. Question is, what do I have to give?
God help me.
P.S: If I could give encouragement to a writer, if I really could, I’d do it with the fullness of me.
Michael, I think I speak for everyone here when I say that your presence in this community is both encouragement and inspiration. Your insightful and unfailingly kind comments are truly penned by a heart in which Jesus lives.
Thank you very much, Andrew. Your words does more than imagination can assume…
I work with the public and during this hectic time many people are tired, stressed and sometimes short-tempered. A smiling face, a kind words and a caring heart are very precious gifts that you can share with all that you come in contact with.
I have two education-fund stories.
*First one: the tuition payments for my husband’s seminary education always challenged our tight budget. One time, he discovered the amount owed was less than we thought. “Someone else paid,” the gal behind the counter told him. The extra money was good. But the shift in my attitude was even better. Instead of creeping envy over our better-off friends, I held a sense of grateful wonder.
*Second: My father was one of 11 children, and our Christmas celebrations were chaotic, joyous affairs. We drew names, so each person had one gift under the tree. One year, there were two additional envelopes tucked into the branches–one with my brother’s name, the other for a cousin. They were the oldest, 17 and 18. Why them? It was a mystery.
*When the time for presents arrived, our school teacher aunt took charge. She had a story to tell about the envelopes. Come her last year of college–she was the only one of her siblings to get a degree–she lacked $100. “I went to my older brothers,” she said, “and each one of them sacrificed $50 so that I could finish my education. I can’t ever pay them back, but here’s $50 for their sons to use for college.” What a lesson in love!
What a beautiful story, Shirlee.
The secret gift to me was a professional opportunity that opened many other doors. I was surprised when I was asked to give my first invited talk at a professional conference. Invited talks are invaluable for broader visibility in the scientific community. I found out at the meeting that one of my colleagues had turned down the opportunity to give the talk so that he could recommend me. That one talk kick-started me being asked on a regular basis to give invited talks. As I learned when I returned from the meeting and thanked him, Dave B. never intended to tell me what he had done.
*One of the great joys of my career was linking younger colleagues up with door-opening opportunities. Dave’s gift started me on the path of professional recognition that let me do that.
*The barriers to success as an author are much higher than those in science. I may never get there, but I would love to be in a position where I can help new authors get launched.
I’ve already met my Dave B. in historical fiction. I don’t have permission so I won’t reveal her name, but a very well established author asked her launch team if any of them would like to read and post reviews of my debut novel. Several did, and I can’t express my gratitude enough!
Carol, what a selfless thing for your colleague to do. It’s fun to see how God moves on hearts to do these kinds of things.
It surely is, Jeanne! What’s even more fun is seeing people you’ve helped turn around and help someone else. We’re blessed to be a blessing.
Wendy, your story brought tears to my eyes. I love that God gave you that secret benefactor, and I love the lessons you took from that experience. My husband and I have done some secret giving over the years, but it hasn’t been a lifestyle practice. It’s one I’d love to foster within our boys before they leave home. There’s something amazingly special about blessing someone anonymously. I’m going to look around and see who God shows me I/we can secretly give to this year.
*Thanks for the inspiration, Wendy!
One story of giving…A number of years ago, my friend’s husband died in the autumn after a short bout with cancer. He left behind three children and his wife. We bought some gifts and gift cards for the children that year. I put on my heaviest coat with a hood and did a “drop-and-dash,” hoping they wouldn’t recognize me. There is something indescribable about secretly giving to someone else.
Jeanne, it is true. There is no greater joy. It is an inner joy that cannot be described.
Jeanne, I suspect you were recognized by your heart.
I shouldn’t have read this right before work, thanks to the ugly cry. All the stories you all have shared are so beautiful and such a picture of grace and our Father’s goodness.
As a pastor’s kid way out west, to say we were “poor” is a bit of an understatement. But somehow mom and dad always managed to provide us food to eat, a safe home and roof overhead, and clothes to wear – though many of them mom had herself or we got from the local Goodwill store. We have countless stories of not knowing where our next meal was going to come from and then a knock at the door and an anonymous basket of food sitting on the doorstep.
Beautiful story, Wendy. We’ve been blessed a few times by secret giving. Once, we kept sending money to friends who were struggling financially at Christmas. It was fun to see them sharing and wondering about who had sent it to them. Then years and years ago, we were so blessed to help our elderly neighbor out. My husband mowed her lawn. We took care of her animals when she went out of town. She’d always try to pay, but we’d say no. Years after we’d moved away, we’d received a notice that she’d passed away and she’d left money to us. I can just see her smiling over that. She finally got to pay in her own secret way. Her banker said, “She always talked about your husband mowing her lawn and never taking a dime for it.” 🙂
Beautiful story, dear Shelli. 🙂 Love.
Aww, Shelli. God has His ways of turning the blessing on the blessor, doesn’t He?
I remember a young couple in college who couldn’t pay the rent on their married student apartment in December. The rest of us, who were poor students ourselves, scraped the change from the bottom of our purses, dug through the couch cushions, and cleaned out the ashtrays in our car to get any quarters and one dollar bills we could find. We ended up with the exact amount of the rent payment and left it in front of their door in a throwaway butter tub. Oh what fun 🙂
Dear Wendy, what an inspiring post. 🙂 I’ve been unable to give much away, materially, since being a stay-at-home mom, but I’ve discovered the joy of gifting others with my prayers. I love praying secretly for people around me. When I get to heaven, I’ll be excited to see if some of the ones I prayed for strangers will have been answered in the way I had hoped (or better than I imagined). I often wonder who is secretly praying for my family.
Blessings ~ Wendy Mac
Wendy, prayer is one of the best gifts we can give to another. It will be fun, when we get to heaven, to see how God moved and answered those prayers.
Beautiful, Wendy
What a wonderful gift from that secret friend, Wendy. If we knew how much a little thing can change people’s lives, I believe we would do more of it.
I can’t recall ever receiving an anonymous gift, but I have given them and love doing so. There is such pure joy in preparing a blessing which you know will be totally unexpected, and sending it on its way. I bubble up with laughter for days afterwards, just thinking about their astonishment and amazement when they realize it is for real. I’ll never stop doing it.
Andrew’s bicycle reminded me of my daughter who moved back with her three children. They came home one day to several boxes with food and clothing sitting on the step–and three bicycles! One for each of the kids. They were used, but they ran and the kids loved them! They never found out who did it but I blessed and thanked them for a very long time. As my sister would say. How God and the angels laughed.
Tears! Beautiful~~~~
I loved this post. I’m mulling over secret giving opportunities now!
Yes, me too. 🙂
Oh my! I remember when my husband and I were in college and living off of the free bagels for foreign students (we went to school in Canada) and the free potatoes for student families, that someone anonymously put a box of frozen chicken breasts on our doorstep with our names on it! What bounty!
I learned the power of anonymous giving after my husband left, when my boys and I received many unsigned presents. As in your case, they came exactly when I needed the money or a reminder, “You will always have what you need.” Some of the gifts were frivolous (for example, movie passes during Christmas break), which showed me that God also cared about my need to have fun with my sons.
Now I love giving secret gifts! There is just something about having a need met in a mysterious way that adds to the sense that it came from God. When we give in secret, the recipiant can’t refuse it, because there is no one around to say, “Oh no, I can’t take this” to.
I’ve also come to the belief that giving is rather like forgiving. It does more good to the giver that the one receiving. Is that what Jesus was talking about when he said it is more blessed to give than to receive?
What a delightful idea, Wendy, to give anonymous gifts to others this Christmas time (and throughout the year)! I don’t think I’ve ever done that before, but I will definitely try to think of ways to do that now. Thank you!
I cried my way through this post Wendy! I was praying a week ago and convicted to ask my daughter’s school if there are any families in need this year on Christmas…then saw your article. The LORD has blessed me with opportunities to be a giver of HIS love.
One year I was the organizer for Adopt an Angel, we collected gifts for 2,300 foster kids. I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of love- anything these kids asked for on the list… they were given as gifts. From books, to bicycles, dolls, clothing, and electronic games. There is no greater JOY.