Blogger: Cynthia Ruchti
Agents and editors sometimes–okay, often–either think or say, “I can’t tell you that.” It has nothing to do with secret, clandestine, coded attempts to frustrate authors. Momma–and God–always have reasons behind what they say or expect of those they love and serve. But they don’t or can’t share the reasons.
These are the facts of life in the writing world:
I can’t tell you that.
I can’t tell you that NOW.
I can’t tell you why.
I can’t tell you why not.
I can’t tell you when.
If mommas, God, agents, and editors have reasons, why don’t they tell their authors?
Some information needs to stay proprietary for the agency or the publishing house.
Sometimes it’s inappropriate to tell that information, like how many books another author sold or how much money an individual author made. It’s considered bad form to openly discuss specifics of anyone else’s contract but your own.
The information an author seeks might be unknown or unknowable. How many books do I have to sell to become a bestseller? Despite parameters established by bestseller lists, beneath the surface are tangled algorithms of sales sources, purchaser demographics, the origination of bulk orders (Did your mother spend her nest egg to buy a warehouse of your books?), notoriety, seasons, sales quarters, and whim.
An editor or agent doesn’t tell you the answer you seek because all they can offer is their best guess, and a best guess is a quick path to unrealistic expectations.
What you don’t know can’t hurt you. Ugh. A tough one. Good and thoughtful editors and agents weigh their and an author’s mental health when deciding how much they will share. Authors say, “Give it to me straight. I can take it. Be ruthless. Be brutal. I need to know. Is this any good?” An author is by nature a creative which means said author feels all the feels. Emotes all the emotions, although introversion may keep those emotions invisible to the outside world. An agent or editor is compelled to be truthful, but most prefer not to let their responses become weapons of mass destruction.
As in other business endeavors, behind the scenes of the front office is a vast, ever-changing sea of information that is not-yet-fully-formed, waiting on word from another source, jury-still-out, experimental-stage-only, beta-testing, or truly confidential at the moment.
If your editor or agent isn’t as forthcoming as you’d like, or as you think you need, consider this. What do you do about the paradoxes of faith? God is good, but evil is rampant. Heaven awaits, but life is hard. The good die young. God is both good and holy, both compassionate and jealous, both Truth and Mystery.
You accept paradoxes and trust the Trustworthy One.
Choosing a trustworthy agent and editor includes (big, deep sigh) living with the paradoxes that sometimes the answer to your question is, “I don’t know,” or “I can’t tell you that, can’t tell you now, why, or why not.”
Allow for the presence of unknowns.
It’s how we successfully navigate life. And the writing life.
Jettison second-guessing.
It’s crazy-making. Trust the one who has your best interests at heart.
Wait longer than you think you should have to.
My husband has the quirkiest habit of calling me on my cell phone to find out where I am when I’m a few feet from turning into the driveway. It’s happened so many times, we laugh about it. So we came to an agreement. When he’s starting to wonder how much longer I’ll be in town, he waits five more minutes. “Honey, I’m home” replaces the phone call that I can’t answer anyway because I’m…driving! Five minutes might translate into five more days, weeks, or months. But you may find it comforting to resist the urge to fire off another email and wait just a little longer. (No need to report your horror story of waiting 14 months to hear back from an editor only to discover she never received the manuscript. It happens.)
I sat with an editor recently who said, “You need a blog idea? How about this one. Sometimes I want to say, ‘Can I be frank with you?’ But I can’t. What I want to tell the author is information I’m not at liberty to tell. Or it wouldn’t be kind. Or it’s against company policy. Or it would put me at a disadvantage in negotiations, or risk other authors’ contract negotiations. I wish authors knew that as much as they want details, as much as they think a piece of information will help them, I can’t always be frank.”
Reminded of an old comedy routine, I was tempted to add, “If I can’t be Frank, can I be Ernest?”
Absolutely.
In what other arenas of life do we have to cope with not having access to all the answers we seek? And needing to learn how to live with that? (I have a feeling your answer will be, “Most of them.”)
Shirlee Abbott
Ah, Cynthia, the desire to know it all. The first temptation: “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Genesis 3:5). Look at the trouble that caused, and be content that you can never know it all.
Cynthia Ruchti
So true, Shirlee.
Wendy L Macdonald
Wow. That’s motivation to be content–for sure.
Norma Brumbaugh
I love your wisdom, Lee. Thank you for the light it shines on truth.
Damon J. Gray
This concept is ubiquitous in our faith. There is so much we do not know – so much we could not comprehend if we did know. But, as you said above, we “trust the one who has your best interests at heart.” Sometimes that is my agent or editor. All the time that is my God. And anything I can “wrap my mind around” is not big enough to be my God.
Cynthia Ruchti
Great thoughts, Damon.
Wendy L Macdonald
Amen, Damon.
Jeanne Takenaka
Knowledge isn’t always power. Sometimes, it’s just discouraging. It’s hard to operate in a place of not knowing something we think we need to know. But, it’s in those times when we have to exercise our faith muscles and remember God’s got us.
*My hubs works in a job he’s not allowed to talk about. I learned a long time ago to not ask questions about what he’s working on. I chafed at that when we first met. But now, 20 some years later, I’m good with it. We learn how to function without all the knowledge.
Jennifer Zarifeh Major
Oh, girl. Preach!!
Family members with jobs they can’t discuss teach the people who love them to just not ask. Seriously, do not ask. Because as we both know, there are those who get offended because we won’t answer their questions. We learn quickly who gets it, and who doesn’t.
Cynthia Ruchti
Yes, I thought of you, Jennifer. The “mysteries” are necessary for safety in that case, not designed to offend.
Jeanne Takenaka
Yes, Jennifer. We know. And those closed lips save our loved ones a lot of stress.
Cynthia Ruchti
Jeanne, so glad you added this. So glad you came to an understanding together and peace on that subject!
Jennifer Zarifeh Major
When one is a family member to someone who wears a uniform, one learns to say nothing. Especially to those types who keep asking the same questions. The nagging phrase “you can tell meeeee” is a direct indicator to just how little I’ll say. As in, nothing.
Someone can ask all they want, but a question does not guarantee a response.
50 questions still don’t get an answer.
Which is a subtle hint that I’m not gonna respond to any questions.
As for waiting, OY! IT IS HARD. But it ain’t fatal.
Cynthia Ruchti
Hard, but not fatal. Good point!
Jeanne Takenaka
Some people take a long time to figure it out, don’t they, Jennifer? 😉
Jennifer Zarifeh Major
Ohhhhhh my word, yes, some do!!!
Angie Arndt
“You accept paradoxes and trust the Trustworthy One.”
Yes, yes and yes. When life goes cattywampus and even my illusion of control flies away, I lean into the truth that God is in control. He knows what’s best for me.
Thanks for the reminder. I needed it. Again.
Cynthia Ruchti
Thanks for making me smile with the word cattywampus.
Elizabeth Bohan
Wonderful post Cynthia. I’ve had to learn to respect this as a nurse. I’m pretty certain most of you have heard or seen the term, “HIPAA.” Medicine Net defines it this way.
HIPAA: Acronym that stands for the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, a US law designed to provide privacy standards to protect patients’ medical records and other health information provided to health plans, doctors, hospitals and other health care providers.
I had to not only learn to say, ” I don’t know” to patients and their loved ones: I don’t know how long this illness will last. I don’t know if this treatment will be effective. It usually is, but I don’t know if it will be for you, I don’t know how much this hospital stay will cost. I don’t know if it will come back . I don’t know how long your infant will live. I don’t know. I as a nurse could do all in my expertise and power to help some one, but in the end many times I had to say, “I don’t know.”
Then with HIPAA, I had to protect the privacy of individuals, even to not telling my husband if I saw someone we know in the clinic or hospital for a visit or testing. My husband learned not to ask, because all he would hear me say was, “Honey, I can’t tell you. It would be a violation of HIPAA.” He might hear it from the person himself that they saw me, but I could not release the information.
Now days, as I mentor and shepherd various individuals, many who have gone through abuse or trauma as I have, I must have the individual’s complete trust for them to open up to me so God and I can do what we do to help them heal. What they tell me, often I am the only one who may know, I am unable to shate with othets unless I have their permission or was an atea of abuse, because as a nurse, I am a mandated reporter. It is a given with these dear ones, that I have to say, “I don’t know to them for how long it will take for them to see breakthrough in an area we are working on. My husband no longer asks me, and through the years I have learned my constant companion, the Holy Spirit, is the only one who knows. I have learned to rest in that. My world is a constant, “I don’t know, or I can’t tell you that.” But, it is okay, because the one thing I do know is my trust is the All Knowing God who loves me and all of humanity. So unknowing, I move on knowing one day, He will take away the veil and all will be known. It is the way of trust and faith.
Thank you Cynthia for explaining this in the world of writers, agents, editors and publishers.
Cynthia Ruchti
Isn’t it interesting that one of the chief promises of faith is that though we now see through a glass darkly, one day we will see face to face, and know as we are known?
Another writer discipline. Taming our curiosity and relinquishing our perceived “Need to know.”
Elizabeth Bohan
Absolutely Cynthia. Absolutely. ?
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
Great essay, Cynthia; you gave me a lot to think about.
* I think the questions doctors hate most is, “How long have I got?”, from a patient with an incurable cancer. It’s not that the physician doesn’t have an answer, because there are statistical means and medians of survival. Statistics don’t lie, but they don’t tell the whole story…and the story is that survival’s very much dependent on hope. Take a way hope, replace it with a literal deadline, and you’ve set up a potential self-fulfilling prophecy.
* It goes a bit further, into the realm of ‘maybe this is a stupid idea’. A large part of why I don’t go to the ER when the pain becomes too bad is financial; I don’t want to beggar my wife with huge debts. But another part is that I don’t want to see current test results, not have any prognostications made (my favourite was, “I can’t see how you’re still alive!”). I won’t deny that there’s some of the ostrich in me (hence, “this is stupid!”), but I know too that too much knowledge can be a bad thing. I can read a CT scan quite well, and I’ve already seen more than I would have wished.
* A non-medical example; when I learned to fly, I was told that if the engine on my aeroplane failed at night, I should set up a steady glide toward the area that seemed best, be that information from starlight, moonlight, or the absence of cultural lighting (pastures aren’t floodlit; even cows gotta sleep). When down to about 200 feet, I could turn on the landing light, to illuminate where I was about to touch down, and if I didn’t like what I see, I should turn it off. That isn’t flippancy; hitting trees, say, in a controlled glide is far better than trying to make a last-minute grab for what might be better out of the light’s beam, and losing control.
* I suspect that some of this may hold true for publishing. Some blogging agents (not here!) are fond of earnestly quoting the frankly discouraging statistics for publishing, in a sincere desire to inform…but what those statistics don’t take into account are the willingness to work hard, adapt, and learn. The stats cover amateur and professional alike but I suspect that the odds are much, much better for the disciplined (and talented) writer who strives for professional laurels.
* As to another question, the more important one, there are times when Barb says she’s angry at God, for allowing me to be so sick, and in so much pain. But it isn’t really what God ‘allows’ at all.
* Whether you see the Fall of Man as literal or metaphorical, the answer is the same; we are required to choose faith. Grace was abundant in Eden, but so was free will, and the misuse of the latter put Grace out of its temporal place and into the transcendent, where it could be seen only through faith’s eyes.
* God could have made us marionettes, with a hard-wired faith that would have held true through the horrors of a fallen Creation, but he would have been defeating His purpose, to allow us to develop a faith that is reasoned and made firm by overcoming doubt and fear.
* To instill that doubt and fear, the world got a free will of its own…and thus plague and pestilence and cancer, and the demonic forces whispering into the ears of those who would walk in the wicked ways.
* This doesn’t obviate miracles and blessings, but I see these as pass-throughs; we are intended to be a conduit for blessing, and miracles seem to be meant to deliver a wider message than just to give relief or succor or success to the petitioner.
* The greatest miracle, though, is that in the midst of an enveloping darkness, our paths are lit by God’s bright countenance, glowing through the eyes and hearts of those who, with trembling hand and fluttering pulse, make the choice for faith every day, and every hour.
Cynthia Ruchti
Andrew, thank you for the best devotional I could have read this morning!
Elizabeth Bohan
Andrew, this is so true and so beautifully put. I have not had cancer but I have seen it . Rather, I had to deal with my possibility of dying daily for ten years from the age of six to sixteen, and that at the hands of my own father. One of my darkest, literally and figuratively moments, was when I was probably seven. I had been thrown into the basement, and looking for somewhere safe I opened the thick door to the coal room. It stored the heap of coal used to keep the old coal furnace running. I closed that thick door behind me and crawled to the top of the coal pile and sat in that dark room. The only light was a small slit that came from the door to the garage through the coal shoot. There I sat, small, broken hearted and wondering where I could find safety. Tears stained my face, and as I sat there I realized there was no safety for me anymore, and any day, any moment my father was present could be the last that I was. I knew I couldn’t hide in that coal bin, on the top of the pile forever. I would eventually be found, and who knew if I would endure the beating of ruining my clothes for going somewhere I shouldn’t have gone. That day was my death internally in a very deep way. But God saw me in my pain, and He has made me to understand so much and forgive so much. Without going into the whole story, my father died of a massive heart attack the day before Valentine’s Day 1981. I was 21. That year he sent out Valentine’s to all his children, usually mom sent them with both their signatures. The week before he died he called me at nursing school three states away to just talk and see how I was doing. Our last words were, ” I love you daddy.” And he responded, “I love you too sweetheart. ”
Not to lessen the pain and heartache of cancer at all, because I faced that with my mom, and many others. As I say, it is unwanted and uninvited happening in life. You my dear Andrew have been such a life giver in the midst of it all. I refer to this comment and what you wrote on the guest blog post of June 22, 2017 on Bronwyn Lea’s blog. The best writing on suffering.
Yet, there is this horrible cancer of abuse all over the world. For those who are sexually abused they use the term for the victim that has been abused having experienced soul murder. It was not by my father but I have suffered that as well. Why do I bring this here, because we are writers and need to be aware and sensitive to our readers put there who could be living out there days with either of theses things. But, in all this God’s grace is bigger and greater, and His promise to work everything for pur good is true as we believe and trust Him. None of us truly ever knows from God when He will call us from this earth, but no matter the I don’t know why’s we face, and for how long it never changes His grace, mercy, love and power to accomplish all He has planned for us- to follow Him all the way Home to where ultimate healing is and where all that was unknown will be made known.
Blessings on you my dear friend Andrew, and on your dear Barb.
Cynthia Ruchti
Elizabeth, you created the ugliness of the scene so beautifully. And your redemption story can’t help but bring us to tears. Thank you.
Norma Brumbaugh
Your story speaks. Elizabeth, As I read it I was thinking of that little girl afraid and alone. My heart was touched. Life can be harder than seems humanly possible to endure. “God’s grace is bigger and greater.” Beautifully stated. I recently shared the hardest and the most freeing parts of my personal story on my blog for my readers. It is a scary thing to say it but it is also a reality that speaks to the ways of God and how God gives us a message to speak. He redeems. Bless you. Thank you for opening your heart with this community.
Kathy Nickerson
Wow. So many deep truths in this, Andrew. I’m going to be mulling for a while on the picture of the pilot coming down in the dark. Thank you.
Cynthia Ruchti
Yes, an exceptionally gripping word picture! Ah, the power of story!
Norma Brumbaugh
Well said, Andrew. This is s keeper.
Carol Ashby
Cynthia, I worked for more than 30 years in the NTK (need to know) world. A common way to respond to any question someone didn’t want to answer was “If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” but that was usually a joke.
Cynthia Ruchti
Yeah, not sure that would work in the agenting world. 🙂
Shelli Littleton
Last December, a family member got very sick. We didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t have answers, and I internally panicked. I still have a slight discomfort in my side, and I’m sure it’s because of my worry at that time. I don’t want to hurt myself with worry. What good does it do? None. I’ve given myself this talk over and over. Bad things will happen … there will be answers we never receive … I want to cope better the next time. Father, help me to cope better the next time.
Cynthia Ruchti
Great prayer, Shelli.
Wendy L Macdonald
Amen, dear Shelli. I need to pray this too.
Jeanne Takenaka
Amen and amen, Shelli.
Norma Brumbaugh
Dear Shelli, I believe you will. Every set back provides an opportunity to trust, learn, and grow. We are stronger than we think. Every step forward is a teacher. I believe we become stronger and stronger when we are at our weakest, for at that time we go straight to the heart of God with no pretense. We need him so much. Glad you are still sharing your beautiful spirit with others.
Jaxon M King
I don’t know how many times I have been faced with, “Maybe God wants me to do this. Or maybe He wants me to do the complete opposite instead.” The trusting comes in having to wait for the guidance to make the right decision. So tough!
Cynthia Ruchti
And sometimes He says, “Step out. I can’t move an inanimate object. Well, I can, but it’s not preferred.” 🙂
Cynthia Ruchti
Will this work? Maybe. Is it worth the investment of time? Maybe. How do I find out? We won’t know until we try.
Great comfort, right?
Jaxon M King
Thank you, Cynthia. Your words actually came when I needed to hear them. I love when that happens!
Michelle Ule
We want to know so we can control, right?
And so much is out of their control and ours, why confuse us with details that may change?
It’s helpful to remember God is the one who is control and since He knows the future as well as the past (and the agonies of my heart), why not leave it in His hands?
At least, that’s what I tell myself. 🙂
Cynthia Ruchti
Author Self-Talk. Another whole blog post! 🙂
Kathy Nickerson
As others have said, you just preached way beyond our writing world. Thank you. I’m going to go apply this to my whole life now and see if I can manage to live it, at least for the next couple of hours.
Cynthia Ruchti
Cheering you on, Kathy!
Wendy L Macdonald
Excellent post about waiting, dear Cynthia. I love that your husband now waits five minutes before calling you. My husband tried to call me via my cell and I missed it. So he called on the landline to ask me if I’d received an e-mail he’d forwarded to me. I told him I was already replying to it but got interrupted by his second call. I love how thorough and careful he is. I need him.
🙂
I’m not a fan of waiting or of silence; however, I’ve been learning to think the best about situations. And, oh my, have I been blessed by doing so. I still have a long ways to go on this one because I have a hyperactive imagination. It’s great for making up plots–but not so useful for real life. 😉
Blessings ~ Wendy Mac
Cynthia Ruchti
Every writer’s hyperactive imagination is both a gift and a…uh…beast to be tamed!
Wendy L Macdonald
Amen. It can easily be a beastly bother or a bountiful blessing.
Jeanne Takenaka
Wendy, isn’t it so important to think the best about a situation? It’s a choice to do this. My mind tends first toward worst-case scenarios. But, when I can wait and think the best, the actual result is closer to that end than to my worst-case fears.
Kristen Joy Wilks
So important to remember as we are talking to anyone, our pastor, Mother, best friend, and agent!
Joanne Reese
One of the hardest but most profound lessons I’ve learned along the way is that I don’t have to have all the answers. This is where faith does its finest work. Your post helped me see that this principle touches every facet of a writer’s life. Thank you for the reminder, Cynthia.
Cynthia Ruchti
thanks, Joanne.
Janet Ann Collins
This whole discussion is profound. Someone should use many things shared it in an article or even a book.
Cynthia Ruchti
Food for thought.
Norma Brumbaugh
Cynthia, This post prompted some heart-felt comments. Thank you for providing safe community for others.
Cynthia Ruchti
That’s one of our Books & Such goals. Thank you, Norma.
Jennifer Saake
I’ve been praying about God’s timing to send off an email. Cynthia, thank you for your words. I will wait. 🙂
Cynthia Ruchti
And I’ll be praying while you wait. 🙂
Jennifer Saake
Thanks! 🙂
Crystal Caudill
This is a lesson I am consistently learning with God. Trusting him with the details and the next steps can be frankly quite terrifying. I am currently undergoing baby step trust in some different areas, and I am learning I don’t need to know. He knows what I need to know, imparts it, and then I have to trust Him with the rest. When/If I acquire an agent, I will have prayed for guidance and direction for years for that person. Whoever God gives, I have to trust that His decision and the decisions they impart. He chose them for a reason.
Great wisdom, Cynthia, and right in line with what God is pounding into my head as of late. 🙂