Blogger: Mary Keeley
We’ve all done it. We say or do something that comes across all wrong, confirmed by the comments or expressions we get in response. Don’t be too hard on yourself because it won’t be the end of the world, and only in extreme cases would a single faux pas mean the end of a writing career. I have 4 tips for recovering from a poor first impression, focused on your interactions with agents and editors.
Decide if it’s worth worrying about.
Maybe you’re imagining your gaffe was more serious than it really was. Talk to your agent or a writer friend you trust to be honest with you if you’re in doubt. And when they, in true supportive fashion, bring an issue to your attention, take it to heart and talk about possible ways to remedy the situation. The next tips will help.
Apologize right away.
A simple apology shows honesty and willingness to own your blunder, rather than trying to cover it up. Feel free to stop and apologize in the middle of your pitch if you started off on the wrong foot. Take a deep breath, explain your nervousness and excitement, and then pick up where you left off. When I see a writer do this well, it impresses me and I remember it.
Project confidence next time, and be yourself.
With every misstep there’s opportunity for a lesson learned. Take this positive approach in order to be more confident in the future, secure in who you were created to be. Be assertive without being aggressive. Recognize when you are nervous and avoid the tendency to talk a mile a minute because you’re uncomfortable with lulls in the conversation. You end up breathless and rattled. I appreciate a momentary lull in a 15-minute pitch conversation because it allows me time to process your information.
A primary consideration going through an agent’s or editor’s mind during a pitch meeting—other than hearing about the writer’s WIP—is weighing the first impression that is forming: This writer looks nervous and is trying to be something he or she is not. I wish I could see the real person. Or, this writer is comfortable and prepared. Most agents and editors will try to put you at ease by asking you an icebreaker question to help diffuse your stress. Inwardly we’re rooting for you and want to help you do your best. After all, we’ve been there too. Agents are the ones pitching clients’ proposals to publishers, and editors are the ones pitching authors’ projects to their pub board, which means we understand what it’s like on your side of the table. This brings me to my number one tip for today:
RELAX.
Many lapses can be avoided when you’re at ease. Your thinking is clearer, and you can process better what the agent or editor is saying to you. Doing these things will help you to be relaxed in your meetings:
- Craft your 30-second elevator pitch and practice it in a mirror until you can say it naturally with direct eye contact and an easy smile.
- Practice your pitch out loud until you can say it in your normal conversational tone. Pitch meetings are business meetings so don’t try to be too casual, but don’t be too formal either. You’ll be amazed how hearing yourself speak this way in your meeting will help you to relax.
- Be prepared with the strong hook for your book (and make sure your book delivers it!). It’s what will get an agent’s or editor’s attention for both fiction and nonfiction projects.
- Go to the conference prepared with separate files containing the specific materials required by each agent and editor with whom you hope to have an appointment or run into at the conference. It will alleviate cause to get rattled while searching for the right documents in your bag during the meeting.
When did you make a blunder, and what did you do to recover? What do you do to relax before an important meeting? Do you have a tip to add to the list?
TWEETABLES:
Ever have a misstep in a pitch meeting? Here are 4 tips for recovering from a poor first impression. Click to Tweet.
First impressions stick. Here are 4 tips that help when you mess up in a pitch meeting. Click to Tweet.
The Uproar Over Amazon Customer Reviews
So now I am really at risk going first. Mary its sound advice. I have often presented to audiences although this morning I felt surprisingly nervous. Anyway, my experience has been to not draw attention to a negative and don’t tell highlight it to the audience, just move on. Professional comedians also have lead balloons, but they just push through and forget about it. I am, however, learning to not take myself so seriously and to just be myself. I think authenticity is charming and it also outlives any attempt to impress. Sooner or later reality emerges – I enjoy this blog so much because the five of you are all so real. A friend had to present to Richard Branson on his island, but the old man was in his Turkish bath. No place for laptops or slickness in that, he had to get in the water and be real – which is what Branson wanted – I dare say most leaders are looking for the same.
Peter, what you said about not taking yourself too seriously and just being yourself resonated. 🙂 And I think it resonates with those who listen to us speak as well. Being authentic is more relatable than trying to be impressive. Great points!
There’s a lot to be said for pushing through. When I was in grad school, I took a class in the theory of elasticity from a professor who was famous in changing coordinate systems (from Cartesian to spherical) in the middle if an equation (these equations took a complete lecture-hall blackboard to write). I always laughed at that, until…
* When I took my oral PhD quals, I got stuck in the middle of a long equation, and did exactly the same thing. No one said a word.
* When I got to the end of that part of the ordeal, one of the inquisitors asked, “Did you know that you changed coordinate systems halfway through?”
* “Yeah, but I was hoping YOU wouldn’t notice.”
Be real … love that, Peter. 🙂
“Authenticity…outlives any attempt to impress.” So true, Peter. When the writer across the table appears to be creating a false persona, it clouds an honest first impression, which often results in the agent concluding that the writer isn’t ready for representation.
“Oops. That didn’t come out the way I intended.”
I deliver that with a smile, a giggle, or a look of shock depending on how badly I mangled my presentation. My father used to say, “Engage brain before putting mouth in gear.” That usually bought him a forgiving smile and a moment to think, I can’t say it without becoming him and losing my own sense of self, but it might work for someone else.
Or open our mouths to change feet …. Shirlee, I bet you are just as charming face to face as over the wire. I am often challenged by Paul’s speaking of having the fragrance of Christ – its an elusive quality that just shines through, an authentic spirit that upstages spit and polish. I am not saying we shouldn’t prepare, never, that’s silly. But if we are the real deal, it will reveal itself in spite of our slips. In corporate life we were often wary of an over-slicked presentation (what are they hiding) and preferred shorter, simpler, more honest presentations, without the extras. I bet agents and publishers are not after the slick or the sloppy, the pushy or the reluctant. Rather they seek that elusive je ne sais quoi that musos call the “X factor”. Like an iceberg, it hints at the intangible substance beneath the surface that far exceeds what is before our eyes.
Love the iceberg connection, Peter. It offers such hope!
Shirlee, the being real part of this speaks to me. I’ve been guilty of trying to just cover mistakes over rather than just admit I goofed up. I like your way of handling something you’ve mis-said. 🙂
Thanks for the great tips.
Last year was my third year to attend ACFW. I was a little more comfortable and knew more people. A group of us sat together on a couch and prayed together before our appointments.
I found I was more relaxed as I made my presentations.
Thanks for sharing!
I’m glad you brought up praying before appointments, Jackie. And praying with others is so much the better because of the added human hands of support.
Add prayer before appointments as tip #5.
The biggest blunder I made took two days to complete…I was invited for an interview at SUNY-Buffalo as a ‘filler’ candidate (the choice had been made, but they had to interview four people), and even though I’d been warned, I took the interview seriously, and ended up a laughingstock. I was taken to dinner at a place called “Daffodil’s” on the final evening, a very fancy French restaurant.
* My host was urbane and sophisticated, and began with the wine list. The wine steward brought the chosen bottle, and proffered the cork for a snif test…and then poured out a small amount for a taste test. The wine was approved, and our glasses were filled.
* Knowing how badly the whole thing had gone, I was not in good spirits, so to speak, so I picked up the glass and drained it at one long swallow. My host had an expression of stupefied horror on his face, and then…
* …he picked up HIS glass, and did the same. It broke the ice, and the dinner was a success (and I found out later that my host, who was the search committee chair, made a strong but failed case to hire me instead of the chosen one).
* I have no idea what this story says about first impressions, except perhaps that “Life Happens”, and we just get on with it, tracking the mud of our mistakes across the clean carpet of our tomorrows, and hoping that somehow the colours and textures match.
Andrew, I’m not surprised you took that interview seriously! You wouldn’t have been there if you weren’t serious about the position. 🙂 Knocking back the sampler of wine in one gulp—just being real, right? 🙂 And how interesting and fun that you “shocked broca” with your host and he ended up doing the same thing. You made an ally that evening. 🙂 Your story made me smile.
The ‘one gulp’ was being real…but in so doing I was responding to my own feelings, rather than remaining attuned to my surroundings. That might be another lesson…go with your gut, because that’s frequently God’s Whisper.
Hey Andrew, I did send my email and subscribed to your blog. Your story reminds me of a friend who was pretty good at selling. Yet he would walk in to a client’s office and often back the wrong football side in his chit-chat, even after learning the client’s preference – he stuck to his guns anyway and they loved his honesty and genuineness. I have had many accidental icebreakers like yours (I have had some crazy moments, especially with my surname) … but your wine-glass moment takes some beating. Even so, I once tried to squeeze the lemon in my water over some prawns, to my date’s amusement – I was somewhat younger.
I used to eat the lemon slices at formal lunches; I liked the taste, and hated to see food wasted.
Your story makes me smile, too. “Life Happens” … amen! 🙂
Thanks, Shelli!
As a tip, I would suggest being physically comfortable, within the strictures of the occasion. I, for instance, never wear a tie, because an unsuccessful attempt to garrotte me years ago left me with a strong dislike of having anything – even a turtleneck sweater – around my throat.
* Also, be aware of preconceptions you may have made. For some reason (and I was told this directly, using the metaphor that follows) my writing and speaking voice put people in mind of Aragorn, and they’re somewhat surprised when Gimli shows up (in manner, not stature). Now that I know this, I’m not put off by the initial shock, but it can be discomfiting to see “I was expecting someone ELSE!” written on the face of a person you’ve just met.
Andrew, your comment about remaining attuned to the surroundings is a big one for me at conferences. My first year at Mount Hermon, I mastered the deer in the headlights look. Logical conversations and eye contact were hit and miss. Nerves took over more often than not. Consecutive years found me better able to pay attention as well as connect on a deeper level with the people around me.
Fun story, Andrew, and what a gracious, and savvy, host.
I’d like to edit your metaphor, however, to “learned lessons from the mud of our mistakes across the clean carpet of our tomorrows.”
Yeah, good edit!
In one of my first-ever times of public speaking, I was teaching a bible study in front of about 100 women. In my nervousness, I looked away from my notes as I shared a story. When I listened to the recording later on, I discovered the story had come out all wrong, my words conveying the wrong thing and making me look B-A-D. It was too late to recover from that gaffe because the group had dispersed by the time I discovered my mistake. The good thing is, I was asked to teach again, so I guess my miscommunication wasn’t as bad as it could have been. 🙂
I’ve learned of the invaluable necessity of prayer before I have to speak to someone, especially at a conference like ACFW. I always get nervous speaking with agents and editors. Often, I go to my room for a few minutes before my appointments, or I find a praying friend, and I try to quiet my thoughts, my spirit and remember God’s got this. It helps me go into meetings more relaxed.
And if I make a mistake while speaking? I usually admit it and say I am going to try this again. I’ve done it while singing and while speaking, and people are usually very understanding. Just being myself goes over much better than trying to be perfect. 🙂
A praying friend … yes, Jeanne. 🙂
Jeanne, such wise advice to take a few minutes to be grounded in prayer before appointments or public situations and admitting a mistake readily. It sounds like what you perceived was a bad first impression actually wasn’t a cause for worry after all. Sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves.
Mary, this is wonderful. Thank you. In a 15 minute pitch session, how much of that time should be allowed for presenting our work and how much should be allowed for open conversation with the agent/editor?
I’ve never pitched, but I do public speaking. And like you said, practice, practice, practice. It’s very hard for me to relax before I stand before a group of people … it’s that initial standing up/standing out in a crowd that always unnerves me. The first time I spoke, I was so afraid of forgetting everything. But the practice seemed to help me and once I started, I relaxed and my mind had never seemed more clear. Speaking at a ladies’ retreat once, I said something a bit wrong, and realized it immediately, so I just restated what I meant to say for clarity. I smile, trying to cover a laugh at myself … that seems to be my solution for most things. And on bended knee, God just seems to cover us.
Before my first speaking event, I thought I’d be so afraid to look my audience in the eye … but I gained so much strength from looking into their sweet faces. And I still do.
What you said about the strength you got from looking into your audience’s faces stirred a memory –
* When I was in high school, I had to play the piano – solo – for a large audience that I couldn’t see…I knew they were out there past the footlights, waiting like some huge carnivore, breathing…breathing…breathing…
* I can’t read music, so I was playing by memory, and at one point I had both hands off the keyboard, and forgot where to put them next.
* So I turned to the audience-beast, and asked, “Do you mind if I start over?” The beast roared back, “Go ahead!”
* And when I got to the same place, guess what happened?
* And I ran, screaming, through the stage door and out into the night, lest the beast reach out to grab me, and devour me in the dark behind the lights.
* I am told the Head (who was standing in the wings) laughed so hard his false teeth popped out, and pirouetted across the empty stage, the best moment of the evening.
Andrew, you hurt my sides! 🙂 Oh, goodness … I know I’ve told you before, but I was SO afraid of public speaking in high school. It was right up there with giving blood. 🙂 I need to lie down a moment! 🙂
you are crazy abs, nice crazy – i can so visualize that scene.
Shelli, it’s a business meeting. A brief icebreaker interaction and then you should focus on presenting your work, along with a brief summary of your background that explains your authority to write about your topic or story setting or characters. Allow time to answer the agent’s or editor’s questions. The questions themselves can illumine points to cover in your next appointment. I hope you have a great ACFW experience.
These are great tips to use with any of our relationships. Not just at conferences. Thanks, Mary.
You’re right, Kristen. Good point.
Mary, thanks so much for these helpful tips. I find that being real in the moment, appropriately of course, can only help an awkward situation. Everyone has been there, embarrassed or regretful over a blunder. Calling ourselves out and owning up to a misstep, I think, will only add to one’s credibility. I find it arrogant when some makes a clear mistake and moves right along as if it never occurred. We’re all there, we all know it happened. I have more respect for those who can own it. 🙂 So, I’m totally in Shirlee’s camp to laugh through it. A little well-timed and appropriately dosed self deprecation can go a long way. Haha.
Teresa, exactly right and well-said. Credibility is essential for successful meetings and relationships.
I’ve said this before, but nothing can be worse than the airport security procedures of a certain Latin American country.
If I can survive a thorough pat-down by a short, grumpy female officer, without round-housing her to Argentina, then I can handle pretty much anything.
When I walk into any kind of meeting where I’m nervous, I simply mutter “no sawed off shotguns, no sawed off shotguns…” and take a deep breath.
In a literal sense, nothing that happens in a pitch session will involve jail time in a foreign country. I’m certain of that.
Soooo, what’s a girl to do?
Be myself, and if that doesn’t work?
Nothing will.
I learned that a while back.
I do try to behave in such a manner that my dear, sweet agent doesn’t whisper “Magua knows where you live” after I end up pitching myself out the door before my 15 minutes are up.
Jennifer, what a colorful way to bring home the importance of being yourself. And you do excel at being professional when necessary. 🙂
Why, thank you.
Although, sometimes I need a nap after all that grown-up-y stuff.
I taught sixth grade for nine years so now I’m not afraid of anything. At least that’s what I tell myself before meeting an acquisitions editor. There’s nothing that boosts confidence like facing 30 pre-pubers everyday for nine months at a time and living to tell about it.
Haha! I taught sixth grade Sunday school and know exactly of what you speak, Davalynn. Great practice, isn’t it.
Mary, this refresher on being at ease in possibly tense moments is so helpful as I prepare to attend Oregon Christian Writers Conference for the first time next month. So glad I get to see you there. 🙂
At my first Mount Hermon conference during the very first meal I just happened to sit at a table hosted by Steve Laube. He graciously asked each person around the table to share a bit about their work. I stumbled over my short pitch, followed by a declaration that I wasn’t published yet.
Steve said, “Stating that you’re pre-published is the best route to take. This expresses confidence in your project and a hopeful outcome.”
Believe me, I took his advice into the rest of the conference.
Steve gave good advice. A writer referring to herself or himself as “pre-published” does connote confidence both externally to editors and internally to the writer.
I look forward to seeing you at OCW, Jenni.
When I walk into a pitch meeting, I try to remember that the editor is a person, just like me, who maybe has had a long day and feels thirsty or jet-lagged or wishes she’d worn different shoes. I beam a smile and try to make it a pleasant few minutes, if nothing else. It’s a little unnerving if they don’t beam back, but I try not to take it personally. As to specific blunders, I have a particular talent for tripping over my tongue. I either ignore it, apologize, or laugh it off, depending on the circumstances.
What a thoughtful practice, Jenny. And by being sensitive to the editor, do you find that you are less SELF-conscious?
I try to make a concerted effort to read up on the editors, agents, and authors who will be present at a conference. In informal interactions, like at a meal or the like, I ask them about things unrelated to publishing. Hopefully it’s a breath of fresh air to talk about something different.
Wendy Lawton told me once that agents and editors are always on alert, even in a room full of people, for those attendees who are authentic and winsome.
Apparently in the comment above I momentarily became jen. Not sure how that happened. 🙂
Not sure, Jeannette.
Thank you, Jenni. We do appreciate those breaths of fresh air during a meal or between meetings and events because it gives all of us time to get to know each other on a personal level.
Mary, what a wonderful post today and such terrific discussion in the comments. I want to reply to each one with a hearty amen, but my keyboard is working in fits and spurts. I’ll enjoy it from the sidelines.
We miss your comments, Meghan, but I hope you’re enjoying the conversation.
This has been a really thought-provoking post and conversation…it brought to mind something that’s lately become an issue for me.
* Prior to pitching, you have to have a belief in your work, that it’s worth someone’s time to listen. You are your book’s best and sole advocate in that meeting, and if you lose the meaning, you’re probably finished before you start.
* One might, therefore, include in one’s preparations a review of the praise you’ve gotten from Beta readers, to solidify that confidence.
* And if that confidence is an issue, there is Scripture that can help – “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” is a great one (and one of Norman Vincent peale’s favourites).
* “For God gave us not a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self control.”
* “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
* It may help to write these on index cards; a piece of paper, with ink, sometimes has more value to a troubled heart than do images on a smartphone screen. They are something self-contained, a symbolic rock to which one might cling.
Going to my first conference ever! So, I will probably blunder and have a story to tell after next week. Wish me luck!!!!
Prayers are going up for you, Elizabeth. We look forward to hearing about it.
Thanks for these tips. I am at a writers conference today and have four pitch sessions scheduled in a couple hours.