Blogger: Rachelle Gardner
I was having some email banter with a group of my writer friends. One of them is working on her first novel, feeling insecure about it, and asked if this lack of confidence would dissipate as she gets more experienced in writing.
So another friend, a veteran with several novels under her belt, shared this:
The complete lack of confidence will likely persist and even become worse as you progress. I called my editor this summer and said, “What the heck is going on? This is my sixth novel! Shouldn’t I at least have my creative process figured out by now?!” And she laughed at me.
She laughed.
At.
Me.
And then through snorts my editor said, “Oh my gosh, is that really how you think this works?”
I couldn’t help nodding in recognition at this exchange, because as an agent I’m the recipient of many of these kinds of emails. The “I thought my writing was getting better—why is my editorial letter still 12 pages long?!” emails. The “Sometimes this is so hard I feel like crying” emails.
I think the writing journey is one of fits and starts . . . good days and bad days . . . times where you know you’ve nailed it and times when you wonder what ever made you think you can write. This is normal! This is why everyone always says it’s a tough road. Half the battle is dealing with your own mental and emotional responses to your situation.
So take heart…if you’re not finding this easy, you’re not alone. If it was easy, anyone could do it.
What are some specific hurdles you’ve faced lately in your writing & publishing journey? How did you get past them?
Writer’s Summer OR a Ministry of Interruptions?
Barbara has a question – where did you get that great picture of me?
* I don’t really find the writing process hard. I know that I can tell a coherent story that some people will find interesting. I know that I can write characters that are three-dimensional. That sounds arrogant, and perhaps it is, but I know I can write (and have several novels on the shelf that beta readers liked, but have, for various reasons, not yet queried).
* The flip side is that I also know that there are things about my writing that agents and acq editors may not like. Many of these, like a ‘retro’ style that’s perhaps more comfortable in the 1940s than today, can be addressed in rewrites. Others can’t; like all writers, I can only get inside the heads of a limited range of characters, determined largely by life experience. I can write a combat veteran, or, stretching it a bit, a professional athlete, because I understand their motivations. I can’t write an actor, or a lawyer.
* I learned a long time ago that when you commit to a goal, you commit to a process, and I’m not bothered by rewrites. If an agent would want my manuscript, I’ll rewrite a often as necessary. It’s part of the job, and my agreement to work with that agent (either under representation, or if representation is being considered) obligates me to do what’s necessary, on time and without complaint. It stops being about my ego when someone else is involved, because their time is valuable to them. It would be applicable when working with an editor, as well, because I assume, at least, that most editors are human.
* Under the circumstances, all of this may be moot, because I’m not represented, much less contracted. But I find it useful to work under the same paradigm when I answer only to myself.
* The big hurdle right now is health, and the shakiness, both physical and mental, that extreme pain engenders. For the physical, I’ve learned to accept the fact that I have to work more slowly, to ensure that my typing is accurate, and that I save drafts properly. For the mental, I simply have to keep writing, without resentment or self-pity, because both of those will creep into a story, and require extensive surgery to repair both voice and characters.
I agree, Andrew. The writing process isn’t the issue. It’s the “extensive surgery.” Maybe there’s a famous author out there who always got it right the first time (Moses or Isaiah?), but I’m not it.
well you are no monkey andrew but its a funny pic
Bryce Courtenay said, “If we didn’t expect it to be so good it wouldn’t be so hard”. The fact is it is a lonely, hard journey. It took a similar journey to teach me the lessons that informed my writing (I was a hard nut to crack).
Like a mutt I once said, “Okay Lord that should do now”, but my advisers echoed His sentiment – “You have a ways to walk yet”. On another occasion, I cried out, as hinted in your post, “But Lord, I have been through all this and I can’t see the change in me”. I sensed Him say, “Glad you said that, now I need you to rewrite it all in the third person and take out the subjectivity”.
That was a mirror to my soul, which helped me see how much I had actually grown through my experience.
Disappointments and rejections are as integral to such journeys. Over time, it felt as if pile drivers had bored into my soul, to cement every lesson. Sadly, we will never be relevant without such a journey, something our audiences will see through before moving on.
Both clergy and lay get inspiration from God, which they deflect to someone else who really needs it, but I am reconciled to the idea that God needed to change me.
If that yet makes me a letter of God read by all, glory to God. If it also leads to my words touching others, double that. And, something you and I also apparently agree on – there is all the time in the world. Like good food, God never rushes the great stories He crafts in us.
One of my greatest lessons hails from Arlington – the guard changes every half hour and the outgoing guard then gives the incoming watch, its orders – which amount to: “Keep doing what you are doing (through blizzards, freezing cold, storms, earthquakes or whatever) , until you get fresh orders. That, to my mind, realistically sums up every writing journey – for the prize will go, not to the fittest, the most grammatically correct or whatever, it will go to those who keep going”.
Thanks Rachelle for your insightfulness.
I have yet to meet a writer completely secure in who she is and what she does and confident in the extent of her/his talent. Seriously. I think it’s a disease. But at least we know we’re not alone in it. I’ve taken a LOT of notes over the years, watching, talking with and getting to know many fabulous authors who’ve gone on to win multiple awards and have lots of books published. None of them have ever said it’s easy. And I counsel new writers to really know and believe that this is your calling, because you’re going to want to quit, a lot, once things start getting serious. Once you have to deal with rejection after rejection, not winning or even finaling in a contest you were sure was in the bag, poor reviews once you are published, tons of hard stuff … I think it’s impossible for anyone outside the business to fully grasp what a crazy ride this is. But we do it because we do love it (most of the time), and perhaps because we’re all a little crazy too … (some of the time), but for me, when the hurdles of insecurity and lack of confidence pop up, I have learned to do my best to step around them and ignore the voices that say I can’t, because I know I can. And I also run immediately to my writer community and ask them to do their thing – lift me up, pray for me, and sometimes give me a kick in the pants when I need it. But giving up is not an option.
So if you’re struggling today, yeah, we get it. We are too. But take it from me, I’ve been at this a LONG time, and I’m finally going to see my first book in print from a major publisher next year … and that’s gonna be a very good day. That’s my dream and it may not be yours, but I think we all write for pretty similar reasons. We want to tell stories that might change the world. One book at a time. And those words matter.
All my life I met those who thought it was a cinch and others who didn’t. I have written for many years, but none of that prepared me for book writing. Really, its one thing to string words together, a fine arts student might say the same of painting. Its another thing to feel the rhythm, heartbeat and subtlety of an art form. I think I will be forever learning – I will surely never regard myself as having arrived. Perhaps what made my journey challenging was that I wrote my seminal work on crisis and understanding that in God, so to be relevant, guess where I had to be and what lessons I had to learn. Without it, I would not have made much sense and I sure would not have been helpful to the countless souls around me who are in varying states of crisis. I might add that it took 4,000 years of preparation and contextualization, before Jesus could enter the stage of life, and He is the author and finisher of all things. My experience in faith is that whenever urgency was imposed on me, God was not in it, but whenever time didn’t matter, He inevitably was. So Cathy, I stand with you and share that foxhole knowing that gold is refined in fire.
Cathy, it’s called The Imposter Syndrome, and every author has it in some form or another. I think it comes from being stuck by a ball-point pen at an early age. Welcome to the club.
Ha! Yes, I think that’s exactly right!
You nailed it, Richard! And in my case, I was stuck with a pencil. Yep, had to go to the doctor’s office and get the lead out. I’ve been hit with the writing bug ever since.
Cathy, I love what you shared about remembering the truth. When those lies begin to try to speak, combat them, remember, the truth. You can do it.
Wise words here. I’m remembering them.
Congratulations, Cathy. Thank you for generously encouraging the rest of us to keep jumping the hurdles. ❀
Yes, Cathy, those words matter. And thank you for giving us the opportunity to celebrate with you. I can’t really walk today – more of a crablike shuffle, bent double – but in my heart I am doing a SnOOpY DaNcE. For you!
What great encouragement, Cathy. Thank you for sharing your experience!
My biggest hurdles are:
1. Finding time to write. It should be easy as an empty-nester, nearing the end of his professional career, but in fact it’s harder.
2. Finding a reason to keep going, in the face of essentially zero sales and no one to care. I could go on forever about that, but suffice to say finding the balance between persistence and chasing the impossible dream is difficult.
David, your second point really speaks to me. I’m truly blessed in having the support of this community, and would not let them down by giving up…but on a day like this one is shaping up, it’s hard. I have to try to think words around pain that’s now proof against morphine, and will my hands to the keyboard. My impossible dream may never come true. But the dream is not the issue, and even the greatest of successes is fleeting. What lasts is honour; the honour of facing this abyss of despair, and taking that one more step forward; the honour that accrues in Tennyson’s words –
“…that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”
#2. So true. Somehow we have to look beyond ourselves to the better good that is being accomplished even if we can’t see it in a tangible way. Like the drought in California, we can feel like we’re in a never-ending dry period, but that, most likely, is not the case. Right now I can’t water my lawn and plants with the amount of water they need, I’m having to scale way back on my water usage, but I know that some day the rain will come again and things will ease up. Like you stated so well, I also am experiencing a dry spell as far as getting on board with writing contracts or creating interest in what I have to offer etc. but I guess we all must maintain a measure of hope as we walk through
the persevering. Thanks.
David, thanks for sharing this. I admit #2 scares me…what if all this work, all these hours, and the book only gets into a few hands? But, I have to trust that those few hands are important to God and I may be one of the tools he’s using to get those folks closer to knowing him. 🙂
Rachelle, thanks for sharing this. Some of us think we’re the only ones who, after getting a contract, wonder why “Your writing is great” is followed by a number of pages of editorial suggestions, including changing the sex of one character, the race of another–things that have been mentioned in the editorial letters I’ve received. I appreciate your sharing.
My biggest hurdle always seems to arrive after I’ve completed a work … what next story idea do I love so much? What story idea deeply touches my heart? Discovering my next project is a battle right now. I’m looking and praying.
That is both scary and exciting, isn’t it, Shelli? Like anything important in life, I believe–a mix of fear and exhilaration.
Great subject, I think because it feeds us a bite of humble pie when it’s needed. For me it took a while to learn how to cast a good sentence, and quite a spell longer how to cast a series of them. When I thought I’d learned the craft, I got smug and soon found that it’s still the story that interests readers, not the quality of the text. I’ve read many books in which the syntax was awful, but the story, rivoting. So far as I can tell, Heaven is the only thing that doesn’t need to be improved.
Can’t improve on my service dogs either, Ladron the Heeler and Sylvia the Big Pit. They pull me back upright when I fall, so I can breathe and regain my strength. The Hounds of Heaven are among us.
Too bad, I really was hoping I would start to feel more confident about this. Aw well, just to keep on writing. That is the goal.
I know, Kristen. Me too! The hope that confidence would grow was a hope I had too. Sigh. 😉
In high school, we had this gym teacher who was nowhere near 5 feet tall. One day, she decided it was time we all learned how to run hurdles.
Because there’s a life skill, right? Running full out and clearing waist high hurdles made of wood that if you trip, there goes a shin.
The *slight* intimidation factor, other than running in public, was that this teacher had been on the Canadian Olympic track team. for 2 Olympics. She was a national and Pan Am gold medalist.
We were all going to die.
“Who wants to show the class how to run hurdles?”
Now, they were all laid on the track to give us a feel for going over them. Flat is totally the same as standing up, right?
Because I was categorically insane, *BACK THEN*, I volunteered.
Yes, just call me Katniss, “I VOLUNTEER!!!”
Or if not Katniss, then Suck-up. Either way, it works.
Anyway, I rose to the snickers of all my not-friends and ran the flat hurdles.
And because God had mercy, somehow, I did it right.
Nothing beats an Olympian yelling “Perfect, Jennifer, you did that perfectly! See that class, THAT is how you time your pace to run hurdles.”
I am pretty sure I did nothing else right that day, but in the eyes of one person, I did succeed in perfection.
The funniest part was that I had no clue at the time what to do. I totally bluffed it. And she knew it. She also knew I was not going to survive the mockery. I don’t have a clue why my hand went up to do what I did. But she wasn’t one to shoot down the wounded.
Leap to 2 years ago. I was waiting on a response from an agent. When the response came, it stung. BUT, she did want to meet with me at ACFW.
The knowledge that she’d set aside time for me pushed me to work harder, to dig deeper, to stand the hurdles up and take them full on as hard as I could.
I never knew what I had in me until I had to go looking for it. And I HAD to go forward, because going backward wasn’t going to help.
Just keep going. Rest when you need to. Share the pain when you feel overwhelmed, but keep going!
Yep. There is a scripture for that too, in Hebrews 10:38 – But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul. Faith means following and not knowing where it will end up (Hebrews 11), but we follow after and persist anyway, because that is what defines faith. Many times the only thing that kept me writing was an unerring belief that it mattered and that God had not yet finished with me. Did I flounder, sure, did I want to walk away, often, did I shout at the heavens, sorry yes, but did He keep me going anyway – absolutely, and is there a reward for those who overcome? Revelations 2-3 is full of promises about that. Enough of the spiritualising – a friend spent 17 years building a waste to energy plant, but was rejected out of hand by a civil servant – my advice to him, “writing is the same, full of rejections, but now we know another way that doesn’t work, shouldn’t we just refine our approach and keep on going until we find what will – not like the mutt who believes that persisting in doing the wrong thing will yield a different outcome. Learning always involves pain, until we find the sweet-spot that will surely have its rewards. Its true of everything – sport, art, business, growing up, raising a family … the reward goes to those who persist through the pain of learning and get to the other side. One of my favorite analogies is that of the great pianist and president, Paderewski who when asked by a little girl, “can I also play that well”, replied, “sure if you practice 12 hours a day for a few decades”. A little boy sneaked up on to his concert stage to play “twinkle, twinkle …” and the master lent over his shoulder to say, “don’t stop, keep playing” as he played the harmony. That is all the audience later recalled. Well God is also leaning into our writing saying, “don’t stop, keep going”.
Exactly. Keep going. When you can’t run, walk. When you can’t walk, crawl. And when you die, you’ll at least be facing forward.
GREAT story and illustration, Jennifer. You are an inspiration!
Thank you for sharing that story, Jennifer! I’m feeling kind of motivated to go jump some hurdles myself. 🙂 Literarily speaking. 🙂
Currently my biggest hurdle is deciding which project to complete first. Picking what the market will bear or needs.
My biggest hurdle right now is time. With kids home and busy with activities, it seems like time for writing has been mostly squeezed out. I’m trying to make time for it each day . . . with varying degrees of success.
And, in editing my manuscript, at times it feels overwhelming. The good thing is I have a plan, and I’m working my plan, as time allows. 🙂
The challenge I’m facing right now is overcoming my first proposal rejection. Thankfully, the response was kind…but it sort of sucked the wind out of my sails. And, I’m having trouble getting back to the revisions.
Reading this post and the comments has been encouraging, though!
Thank you, thank you for this, Rachelle. I’m 25,000 words into my third manuscript and I really needed to read this. Big sigh of relief. Nice to know I’m normal (well… as normal as any writer can be) and not alone.
What keeps me going when I’m facing gigantic doubts about my writing is the quote: You can’t edit a blank page. I forgot who said this—but I remember it well.
Blessings ~ Wendy ❀
Nothing makes me more elated and confident in my abilities–or depressed and inept–than writing does. When I was young and dumb, I thought the writer’s life was going to be a snap. It’s a snap, all right..sort of like the rubber band that doesn’t fly toward my target but rather back at my face, startling the nonsense out of me. Just when I think I’ve got it, I read what I’ve written and moan in frustation. In spite of the difficulty in ‘getting it right,’ writing is what I want and need to do. So I plod on toward the perfect sentence or two that make my heart and soul sing–that lovely bit of writing I don’t have to edit–at all.
Rachelle, thank you! This is another blog post from you wonderful women that encourages me and makes me feel less like I’m on an island all alone with my writing insecurities and challenges. The biggest hurdle I’ve come across is consistency with time. With a full-time job, young daughter, and husband there’s only so much of me to go around. I feel really good, make great progress for a while. Then turn around and it’s been 2 weeks since I touched my MS and a mile-long list of unread articles in my feed. I have to believe in the adage that it’s not about speed but the journey. Seeking God’s guiding hand in the moments I can write, and his inspiration in the moments I can’t. Thanks again for your words!
Everything. Mostly, feeling inadequate. I get past, because I love writing. I just love it enough to push through. I love that we are not alone. At the same time I hold my writer friends in prayer, because it isn’t easy. 🙂