Blogger: Rachelle Gardner
I suppose there are several good ways to make sure you don’t get an agent or get published. You could, for instance, never try. Or you could lack writing skill. You could pitch books that nobody finds interesting.
But let’s say you are trying to get an agent, and you do want to get published, and you are a good writer with good ideas. What trait can stop you from reaching your goals?
In a word: Negativity. (Tweet this.)
If you’re negative about the publishing industry; if you complain about agents and publishers and the unfairness of it all; if you’re resentful about bad books being published; if you speak disparagingly of specific publishers or editors or agents… you can be pretty sure most publishing professionals will not want to work with you.
I’ve had the experience of sitting face-to-face with writers who have a ton of potential and may have even published before. Then they start griping about the publishers they were with; and how the publisher never promoted or marketed their books; and how the sales department dropped the ball and that’s why the book didn’t sell; and how their editor “done them wrong.” Soon I am mentally walking away.
It surprises me when a writer (who is not a client or friend) disparages an editor who may be my friend or respected colleague. (Tweet this.) Or when they denigrate an entire publishing company with whom I do business, or vilify a fellow agent who might not have served them well but also doesn’t deserved to be gossiped about.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a place for honest conversation between an agent and a potential client. It’s possible and even desirable for a writer to express their opinion about their past experience and their concerns for the future. But any savvy agent can tell the difference between someone who’s justifiably concerned, and someone who’s going to be a nightmare to work with, never happy, and always blaming everyone else when things don’t go their way.
Resentment, negativity, and blame can make you incapable of learning from a situation. (Tweet this.) If you’re busy blaming the publisher for your previous book not selling, you’re probably not asking yourself what you can do better to help the sales of your next book. If you’re convinced that all agents are evil because they send form rejection letters, then you’re not going to be focused on writing a better book.
And of course, all that negativity begs the question: why are you trying so hard to be part of an industry that you clearly disdain? (Tweet this.)
The lesson here applies to all of us. Maybe you’re not extreme as I’ve indicated here, but we all have moments of real frustration. We must not let it go unexamined. We don’t want to allow ourselves to get resentful or bitter.
There are enough difficult things to deal with in this crazy publishing industry. Bad attitudes shouldn’t be one of them.
Have you struggled with your attitude? How do you deal with very real frustrations and keep them from developing into bitterness? (Tweet this.)
Image copyright: geotrac / 123RF Stock Photo
This is a terrific post; not only does it speak to attitude, but it also speaks to the fact that anything we put ‘out there’ into the Digital Empyrean sill stick around forever.
* The questions you ask about bitterness and frustration have a particular resonance for me, because there are those who feel that I SHOULD be both bitter and angry about my current situation. Benign acceptance isn’t on their radar, and it makes them uncomfortable, I guess.
* Seriously, though, what good does negativity do? Yes, I’m not in a place I would prefer – when morphine doesn’t work any more, you know that things are not looking up – but if I dwell on this, all I do is hurt myself, and those who are fated to be around me. And the secret is this – it isn’t all about me, and it never was.
* Negativity is a surrender to the dictatorship of ego. It’s the abrogation of God’s very existence in the paradigm that patterns our lives.
I have rarely seen negativism help, let alone in the literary world. Currently I am faced with a group of angry men and have had to tread so carefully around all the obstacles as I try and reconcile the parties – even to the point of opening up a private channel of conciliation. To my mind it is all egocentric solipsism. At times I just feel like letting them crash, but there is always a way to work with people and that is the stuff of leadership. I must say this though, that optimism can be a problem too. If it is birthed in denial or self-reliance, which can be as much folly. We all need to face up to our respective follies, to confront what hinders our advancement, else we risk becoming blunt instruments or whinging victims. I have deeply studied the workings of the mind, from a biblical perspective. There is such a thing as a toxic mind and it can be detoxed, but not through positive thinking – such humanistic thinking vainly mimics faith to replace one mental stronghold with another, often a proud redoubt encased in an envelope of concrete intellectualism or stoicism. I have spent many weeks drawing a line in my life, by just standing in worship. I have had to change my conversation and confessions, for “as a man thinks so is he”. I had to trust God to do what I cannot do, by upholding faith when all logic deserted me …. those are the patterns that will detoxify the mind, but the outworking will be mental, physical and emotional health. Thus, I salute Paul’s invocation to think on such things as be of good report or which have virtue. Mind over matter rigors actually exclude God and drive us into caves of self-reliance, but faith extricates us from such caves and brings us to the light, so we can change and be catalysts of change – which as writers we should be.
Pete, you raise some really good points. Stoicism and intellectualism, for instance, are something akin to the prosperity gospel touted today; in one, the fates want you to be Happy, and in the other, God wants you to be Happy.
* The Stoics turn it around by saying that a person should adapt his or her will to the reality of the world and thus find happiness, while the prosperity gospel folks maintain that God really DOES want you to drive a Ferrari.
* I think the problem is in the word ‘happy’; how on earth (cherry-picked Scripture aside) did we get the idea that happiness, in the temporal sense, was a birthright?
* And that, I think, is the ego-spawned root of negativity. The world isn’t ordered to meet our wishes, and we shall therefore kick over the toybox and put the teddy bear in the fireplace to show our displeasure.
Yep, I agree Andrew
Well said, Peter and Andrew. Humanistic philosophy mimicking Faith.
Exactly, Andrew. I see parents striving to make their children happy, and I want to scream, “Don’t do it!” Not that I set out to make my children and grandchildren miserable. But I want them to find satisfaction in hard work and joy in doing good. I want them to find the blessing in the trials and the grace of God in the desperate moments. I want them to, as Peter says, trust God to do what they cannot do and uphold faith when logic fails. I want them to, as Rachelle started this conversation, handle frustration without bitterness. And I want to lead by example.
Andrew, did you put your teddy bear in the fireplace? Oh, you got me tickled. I stretched my pink panther a tiny bit. 🙂 “We shall therefore kick over the toybox” … oh, my word. Love that.
Andrew, your observations here are wonderful– they touched me. “But if I dwell on this, all I do is hurt myself, and those who are fated to be around me. And the secret is this – it isn’t all about me, and it never was.” And it makes me feel so guilty, because I’ve just been making it all about me for the past three years– admittedly very difficult ones, but far easier to handle than what you are experiencing. Thanks for these words, they are an inspiration to me.
Zehra, thank you so much! But please, don’t be hard on yourself; the wounds sustained by our hearts and bodies are individual, and we can only do the best we can, with the emotional and spiritual resources available to us at the time.
When someone isn’t pleased with me, it hurts for a bit, but then I go to work to improve what I can. In the writing world, if someone isn’t pleased with me, it’s the same … I feel the sting for a bit, but then I work to improve myself. I can search deeper in my heart … I can search for a deeper way to pen my thoughts on paper … I can cry out to God more. And I think remembering and trusting God’s timetable is everything.
Good post, Rachelle.
May I still be negative about the idiots who somehow convince the DMV they should have a driver’s license?
Many of them are trying to hang on to independence and the ability to participate in a world that’s leaving them behind, David. It’s the only way they know how.
Pick me, Rachelle, I’m cheerful. I’ll even send you pictures of puppies. Did I mention we have a new puppy, and that she ran away with the toilet brush and stuck her head in the peanut butter jar? Yep, I have lots of pictures of puppies. Cheerfulness is abounding here, said with gritted teeth as I defend my breakfast from the puppy. Who knew that puppies loved teabags?
She’s not a puppy, but my service-dog-in-chief-and-mischief, Ladron (a red heeler) will tell me when I’m no longer up to writing. She brings me a cigar and the DVD she wants me to watch while smoking it and regaining my strength. She whacks me on the leg with the DVD case until I obey. Heelers are bred to herd cattle; I’m a piece of cake, to her mind.
* Her favourite movies are ‘Saving Private Ryan’, ‘Fury’, and ‘Lone Survivor’. If I try to watch something sad, she’ll interpose her face between me and the screen, while setting her expression to ‘full aggrieved’.
Love your dogs Andrew!
Thanks, Kristen. I love them too. Went down kind of hard this morning, and two of them are helping hold me upright so I can type this.
* If you could send some prayers my way I would sure appreciate it. Things are getting kind of bad. It would be easy to be negative now, but the main problem with negativity is that it’s so disrespectful…unheeding of all the good in life. Fighting a vicious and merciless illness is not something one can really welcome…but to overlook the blessings I’ve received, some that came only from this difficult road, would be the height of egotism and folly.
You are in my prayers, Andrew. Tough tough times.
Thanks, Kristen. Yesterday turned into a real object lesson in the temptations of negativity. I suspect one can’t endure too many days like that.
* But it’s OK. There is always a light, and there is nothing to prevent a smile. SImply the act of smiling can, over time, make one feel better.
Guilty as charged. 🙁
A good rule of thumb when letting something escape our mouths is, Is what I’m about to say loving? That doesn’t mean it has to be pleasant, necessarily, because sometimes we have to address tough things, too. But is it loving? Does it assume the best about the other person, does it imply a general sense of hope in the person’s intentions, or a sense of goodwill? If it doesn’t, we should take it to the Lord before we take it to a person, be that an agent or anyone else.
For those who may not yet have seen it, Karen Ball’s post today at the Laube blog illuminates the way we can deal with the negatives that may otherwise warp our attitudes, relationships, and lives –
http://www.stevelaube.com/write-from-the-deep-places
A good reminder.
Great article. There’s so much negativity regarding the publishing world lately. Yes there will be good and bad experiences, but you take what you can from those experiences, learn from them, and keep moving forward. I couldn’t agree more with what you said here and I hope authors take it to heart. Thanks for sharing!
Great article, Rachelle. I suppose I’ve been guilty of negativity for a long time now, owing to persistently difficult situations on the personal front, for the last three years. But what you just said makes sense one hundred per cent. Nobody likes a negative person, constantly ranting. When you say you are mentally walking away, it makes me wonder how many people have we pushed away from ourselves because of a bitter attitude? This post is really important, not just for writers and people in the publishing industry but for everyone enjoying this bumpy ride called life. Thanks for the reminder!
P.S. – please do spare a glance for my blog if you can.
Absolutely true!
Love this! I think this is universal. Negativity breeds negativity and no one wants to invite that into their life. Negativity prevents us from being our best self, and clearly as you have stated, prevents us from moving in the direction we desire.
Love this post Rachelle. You could even restate your last sentence to, “There are enough difficult things to deal with in LIFE. Bad attitudes shouldn’t be one of them.”
Negative people thrive on drama.They drag you down and can keep you from pursuing your goals. We have choices every day and one choice I make regularly is to stay away from negative people.
Thank you for your great reminder!
Choosing this trait will destroy your entire life. From family to friends, to marriage to work, negativity kills everything it comes in contact with.
The incredibly sad aspect of it is, those people seldom realize what they are doing and that their attitude is causing the problems.
When will people realize, negative talk backfires on them. When I was dating here and there, one guy found it necessary to tell me everything wrong with the other one. Guess which one I married?
In the secular workplace, we are sometimes forbidden from speaking of how God makes all things work together for good. We can still provide encouragement, however. I’ve been accused of being a Pollyanna more than once, but that’s probably one factor that got me asked to participate in many teams. I often shared one particular secular maxim that would help reverse a negative spiral when mention of God was out of the question.
With this much manure, there must be a pony somewhere.
People can just keep shoveling, or they can shake out the lasso, find the pony, and move with it to a better place.
Great post on keeping our attitudes in check. Especially since our levels of discouragement and frustrations are all different. ?? Prayers for you, Andrew. Hope you’re feeling better.
Thank you so much, Lara. As this rather trying day continues, I can say this – it’s all good, because HE is all good.
* With our God, how can anyone be negative?
Excellent points all around. No disputing them. But there is another side to the coin.
I’m thinking of an agent who answered my polite inquiry with, “Not interested.” They said nothing more. Another agent said, “You’re good. Very good. And I’d have taken a chance on an unknown like you fifteen years ago. But I need is established writers who are known. Please don’t contact me any more.” Then another agent said simply, “you could be the next Pat Conroy. Too bad it’s not 1983.”
So I self-published on Kindle and ordered 800 hardbacks from Lulu Printing and sold them from my dining room table where I write. They were gone in three weeks. Gone.
I am happy to speak with any agent who wishes to talk and for my part I will always be courteous. Unfortunately they haven’t been so kind in return.
So, as a healthy fifty-something retiree who has much to say, I plan on writing for the next three decades at least. If I must self-publish like this from now on I shall … With no ill-will to the agents.
And I apologize for the typos. I pecked this out on my iPhone.
Thank you! I needed this pep talk today! Yes, I’m published, just feeling like I’ve been banging my head against a brick wall.
I can really appreciate this post. It is a problem when you are struggling in a very tough industry to maintain a good attitude. And it’s very easy to look around and wonder why this person or that person is doing so well and you aren’t. Even though you may feel you’re better or comparable. But the thing is, you have no idea what that person may have gone through to get where they are. So it’s impossible and non-productive to judge others or even use them as a yardstick for your own success or career advancement.
In terms of dealing with negativity – I just try to be grateful for anything that goes right or well. I also try to keep in mind that this the path I chose and no one is forcing me to do it. And if I’m unwilling to do the work, improve, learn and move forward, then it’s on me to back away.
Negativity gets your nowhere and usually alienates others. No good comes of it. If you must rant, do it privately and once you’re over it, then pick up where you left off and get to it.
Thoughtful post, thanks.
I’ve been negative about my first and only publishing experience, but I try no to harp on it. I tell people what a great job they did on the cover. It gets everyone’s attention and they pick up the book. But they put it back down even faster when they see the print size. I self published it and they printed it in a 9 font because they said I sent it to them in that size. Their requirements were 12 which is what I used and have no idea how it changed in the ether. They never questioned me about and would fix the error if I paid an additional $200. No thank you. I sold roughly 30 books. They were sweet and helpful all through the process except for that. Honestly, I don’t believe this type of mistake would be made by a standard publisher; plus, I will be sure to check on font size with whomever I send the next mss. to. Being a first-time author is difficult enough without being sabotaged by the publisher. I plan to revise it and have it republished later. I need to work on the hook for the book cover. That is where I have the most trouble.