Blogger: Rachel Zurakowski
Location: Books & Such Main Office, Santa Rosa, Calif.
I read at least three proposals from potential clients every week, sometimes more. In many of these proposals, I notice common writing errors, and I’d like to point these out so you can check for them before submitting your work to editors and agents.
One mistake is overwriting. Many authors believe their writing style is what makes their project appeal to readers. This is the case within certain limits. Finding your “voice” and using it effectively is a learned skill. Below are some overwriting examples.
1) The Thesaurus: It’s a really good idea to have a thesaurus on your desk while you’re writing, but don’t overdo it.
“The whyfor for a thesaurus is to ameliorate a skald’s word stock rather than to regurgitate the same jargon.” (Or: A thesaurus is to help you come up with new words rather than using the same words over again.)
If your reader has to pull out a dictionary to figure out what you’re talking about, you’re doing it wrong. 🙂 Unusual or little-known words should be relatively discernible from the context. Plus, while readers want to understand the subject matter and to read beautiful words and phrases, if reading the book is too difficult, they’ll quit. We all want to be challenged, but we need to be built up at the same time. We want to know that we’re smart enough to read the book in our hands, or we’ll find something else that entertains and encourages us. This applies to nonfiction too. Be careful that your writing doesn’t become too technical if you are trying to write to readers who aren’t experts in the subject matter.
2) Dialect: When you use dialect in your fiction or your illustrations in your nonfiction, be careful not to overdo it. People who aren’t familiar with dialect will have a hard time understanding dialogue and the important plot elements that are revealed through the dialogue. Common dialect is okay, like ‘y’all’, as long as the use of these common words isn’t overdone. Many of us use dialect in one way or another. I know that I do; I’m a California-girl all the way. But when you’re writing, be sure that the characters are speaking clearly because there’s no way to interrupt them to ask them to repeat what they said or to explain it to us. Here’s my Cali-girl example, “Like, I went to the beach on, like, um, Saturday with my girlfriends. We totally, like, swam and stuff. It was hecka awesome.” I don’t sound like that (I hope!), but I know I say “like” in just about every sentence. It’s a lot more distracting when it’s written, isn’t it?
3) Making Things Up: Be careful of overwriting by making up words. This can be very distracting and can leave the reader with no idea what you’re trying to convey. Fantasy and sci-fi writers have to be the most careful with this because those genres give the author permission to “play” with the rules of the world. A published book that comes to mind is A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess. If this book wasn’t assigned reading, very few people would ever go past the first page or two. Should a work of such genius, with similar first pages be submitted to me, I’m sorry to say that I most likely wouldn’t be the one representing it because the beginning is too confusing.
4) An Old-Fashioned Style: Writing with “old-fashioned” words and grammar can drive a reader crazy. Here’s an exaggerated example:
A young chit of one and twenty became lost on her way to the market. Her beau arrived to sup with her, but upon learning of her absence, he, distraught, sought her through the night. As dawn broke, the two were reunited in love’s true embrace.
Just tell us the story in contemporary language.
5) Overkill on the Dramatic: Don’t over-dramatize the story. You don’t have to throw every known plot device or overdone writing style into your story. Short sentences can and do create tension, but you really can have too many.
“Out the window. Black. Darkness everywhere. Lightning flashed. Blinding. Spots float. In her eyes.”
This is also a problem in nonfiction in a slightly different way. Nonfiction is often written with an agenda, to prove a point, or to promote a cause, and at times a nonfiction author can get so caught up in the cause that she overwrites. It becomes “drama” instead of a sound argument for the point he or she is trying to make.
I hope this list helps as you move forward with establishing your tone and voice.
What are some other ways projects can be overwritten? I’m sure I didn’t cover them all, and I’d love to fill out the list!
James Andrew Wilson
Great list, Rachel. You could send this blog link back to those potential clients and say, “See #3 then get back to me.”
Here’s a few style-bugs that make me itch:
1) Great-Wall-of-China-Long Paragraphs.
We’ve all seen them. The page looks so heavy with words that it might pull free of the binding and crash through the floor. Give the poor thing a break.
2) Lack of Dialogue.
I’ve seen some books where we’ll go for ten, fifteen, twenty pages without anybody saying a word. This doesn’t work very well in movies, and it is much worse in books. If it takes you ten pages of description to create the scene, hire an illustrator and cut it back to one.
3) Commas, Everywhere.
Perhaps it is a british thing, but I recently read a book from a well known british author who seemed to be writing with a comma quota.
–“I see, well, um, it’s just that, honestly, I don’t know what to say,” said John, exasperatedly.–
When was it ever correct to use a comma before an adverb? I’m not a fan of adverbs to begin with, and placing a comma in front of them is like painting them with neon, glow-in-the-dark ink.
Kristen Torres-Toro
Hi, Rachel! Thanks so much for these reminders! They came at the perfect time for me!
Here’s an example I thought of: belaboring the point. Analogies are wonderful tools, but it’s very easy to explain them just a little too much and leave the reader thinking, “I got it already! That last sentence was overkill.”
kat harris
What an awesome post! I’m forwarding a link to this one. You nailed No. 5 right on the head.
Marilyn
THIS is a keeper! Thanks! You do a service to writers and readers.
I was just driven a bit crazy by an overwritten (dialect) book. The story was good, but I thought the dialect could be a huge obstacle, making someone put the book down before coming to the end.
Lynn Rush
Nice. You nailed it on #1. I can’t stand having to look up words. Grrr. Oh, and the: “A young chit of one and twenty…” LOL.
Great post.
Rachel Zurakowski
James, thanks for adding to the list!
James, Lynn, Marilyn, Kristen, and Kat: I appreciate the feedback. 🙂 Thanks!
LeAnne Hardy
Thanks, Rachel. Something I have been seeing too much of lately is mounting clause upon clause, especially using participles: Who would want to be friends with a killer? Joyner wondered as he narrowed his gaze to the large group of teenage boys before him, their voices echoing in the enormous commons area of the cottage.
Ame Raine
Thanks Rachel! Great list! I’ve finally gotten around to commenting on it, because I’ve been away from the computer for ages. Great thing to pick up and start the day thinking. I think one of the hardest things an author can do is acknowledge they have one of these ‘flaws’. It’s much easier to say ‘that’s just how I write’, than to try and fix the little problems that may be occurring and learn to correct them.
Personally, if I fit any of those I would have to go with the one James stated. I have been guilty of splaying commas a bit too abundantly, but once someone pointed it out to me, I’ve learned when and how to cut back.
Thought for today: “Style is like a shoe for your writing. If it’s too big, than it only hinders you.”