Blogger: Michelle Ule
Sitting in for Wendy Lawton who is traveling this week.
As a writer do you ever deal with discouragement?
Wait! Isn’t that the definition of a writer?
Rejection and discouragement dog all artists, and the writing life is full of reasons to be downhearted.
I’m just like the rest of you, and I battle discouragement all the time.
The operative word in that sentence, however, is battle.
As in, fight against discouragement and all its attendant downer friends.
To that end, I’ve come up with things to do when my confidence in my ability and my work feels . . . threatened.
1. Take a break.
That’s right. Step away from your computer and do something else.
It may be as simple as going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing Monopoly, taking a walk.
Remove yourself from the source of discouragement for a time.
Plan it deliberately: “I’m going on sabbatical for three days.”
Tell your family and friends.
Vacations can be helpful–that’s the point of a vacation, right?
And if you can’t figure out how to disconnect without worrying, check out my blog post on ways to disconnect from social media.
2. Check in with someone who believes in your ability.
It can be difficult, as a solitary writer, to remember your talent if you rarely receive positive feedback.
If you’re feeling like a fraud–in truth you don’t really know how to string together words–maybe it’s time to talk to someone who can give you an objective opinion.
You could ask your mother, but someone who knows something about writing might be more helpful.
Avoid negative people. You need a cheerleader.
If you don’t have anyone like that–well, have you been showing your work to anybody?
3. Reevaluate your priorities
Maybe you’re discouraged because this is not a good season for you to be writing.
Are you neglecting some of the enriching areas of your life to write? Like, say, those children needing to play Monopoly?
Maybe your partner needs attention?
Perhaps your spiritual life is drying up, and you need refreshment there?
You may be feeling discouraged because other things in your life are out of balance. Once you put them back in their right order, the writing may go better.
4. Reexamine why you write.
Has anything changed in this area?
Do you need to earn a certain sum of money or else?
Are your goals realistic?
What do the significant people in your life think about your goals?
(If you haven’t discussed your goals with them, why not?)
Write out what success looks like to you, and examine that list–asking yourself at least five “why” questions to analyze your emotional reaction to the question.
5. Look back over your writing life to see the hand of God and/or when you received clear indications you’re a writer.
Sometimes we just need to be reminded of past events that confirm our “call” to be a writer.
Often, we can best see the will of God by looking in the rear view mirror of our lives–to see where He has led us and why.
I’m walking by faith, not sight, right now for a project I spent a lot of time writing.
I could try to deny the clear signs that God was leading me in a writing direction, but what would be the point?
I know He is.
I’m in the wait mode right now.
Many of you know you’re a writer because of your answer to this bonus question:
Bonus: Ask yourself what you’d do instead of write.
Can’t think of anything?
You may return to your computer, now.
Tweetables
Writers and Discouragement; 5 ideas to battle the blues. Click to Tweet
Dealing with discouragement as a writer Click to Tweet
Discouraged writer? 5 tips to help. Click to tweet
Michelle, this is very special. Jews have a philosophy akin to what rowers experience – that of looking backwards to go forwards. Indeed only the coxswain or pilot can see ahead – we call Him Jesus. I think, personally, that had I not had such a compelling fire, I would have given up long ago. That said, maybe I will never get published, because He sure can do without me – even Moses found that to be so. As such, perhaps the greatest virtue of writing, for me, is the therapy. It helped me to make sense of what God was doing during a wilderness season. Thanks for a very thoughtful post and for giving me the sense of a kindred spirit – aren’t we all in this struggle together? I can certainly relate to the drying up – its a rather typical desert according to my research, one without obvious landmarks (only place I ever got lost in was Orlando, because it is so featurelessly flat), it is dry and thirsty, offers little respite and seems endless – I do feel the despair of that at times, but how could I ever have written relevantly without it. I must add that the thing about all artists, not just writers, is that their identity is somewhat rooted in their expression, which instills ebbs and flows of the emotions, but also adds nuances and shades. David had similar emotional swings, so did Paul. Colleen McCullogh’s Thornbird also sang its sweetest song in the throws of death, just as so many in this forum are writing words of life in the throws of pain.
Morphine kicking in, but had to say this…hope it’s coherent – God can’t do without you or your writing heart, Peter. He needs you; that is why He made you.
I had not heard that before, Peter, and I love the analogy. My job is to do my job and trust my coxswain. To do so means I’m working in tandem with others going in the same “blind” direction.
Wow. I may use that again.
The psalms are always a source of relief and solace for me. I love how David runs through the gamut of emotions, including vindictive anger toward God, before resolving himself down to the truth: Hope in God for I will still praise him.
Thanks.
Peter, you’ve eloquently added to the community of honesty I always find here. Thanks for sharing about your wilderness, your dry season. It’s so true that it’s part of what makes our writing relevant. Just like growing most while stranded in the valleys than while on the mountaintop. Thanks for your words.
There are so many little phrases that have kept me going in life, first, and then in my writing, second. Joy comes in the morning. You are stronger than you think. Tomorrow is a new day. Life dishes out some pretty rough stuff. I am at the place in life where the ugliest parts have led to the sweetest areas of healing. We have to get on the other side of it to get to the mountain peak, to the high places like Hinds Feet on High Places. I just read a blog that said, give yourself ten years. Ok. I’ve been at this writing journey three years. Guess I can do that. Peter, I hear you. I get that because I often live it too. I self-doubt and wonder if I’m wasting my time. Yet, the jury’s out. God knows what He is doing and we do not. We put our hand in His and He keeps us moving forward down the uncertain path. Btw, I like your writing.
So you play Monopoly – we do, with our boys, but less so now – recently went back to Scrabble though. I love your honesty – it is a battle – as in “though I walk (walk, not sit, fight, not hide), through the valley”. This is a word in season Wendy.
We had our grandsons with us last week, and we introduced them to Scrabble. We didn’t keep score (they just finished 1st and 3rd grade–the younger one hasn’t learned multiplication). We did it for the joy of forming words.
Its so stimulating too
And there I was trying to figure out Frozen Scrabble for juniors with a pack of pre-schoolers . . .
My nuclear engineer husband routinely beats me–but it’s because he plays for the score, not the beauty of the words . . . 🙂
Ha! Michelle, i have a rule when I’m playing Scrabble (or Words on my Kindle): I always have to play JOY if I’ve got the letters. I never thought of someone playing for the beauty of the words rather than the score, but that’s, I guess, what’s going on there!
If God has called us to write, we have an enemy telling us not to write. That enemy may tell me I’m not good enough, or that no one will read what I write, or that I’d be better off watching TV and eating chocolate. God says, “you can eat that chocolate while you write the next scene.”
I so relate to that Shirlee. We are up against it.
Good insight, Shirley. I find it helps to keep sharing your work. I have my own blog, of course, and I get feedback from that which is encouraging.
Also, as in #5, I’ve been in the writing life long enough that I can look back and see specific spots where the Lord led me through the writing.
I wrote a spiritual memoir several years ago, which has been rejected by plenty of publishers, but embraced by a whole lot of friendly readers. Can I deny the validity of that writing if I see and hear how that project has been used to encourage?
Blessings,
Yes, God wants us to thrive. 🙂 Love this.
Amen.
Wonderful, Michelle. An encouragement this morning as I type along.
Thank you, Kristen.
See? Validating my above comment! 🙂
Thanks for this Michele. These are such important points. #3 is to me, right now, so very applicable. I need to check in with God daily to be sure the direction he told me to go (with writing or anything else) last year, last month, yesterday, is still the direction he wants me to go. I’ll confess. I’m a super focused person, so much so that I can slip into a set of blinders, stuff earplugs into my ears (literally and figuratively), eliminate every distraction, find my running pace and I’m off, thinking I’m meant to be running another marathon when maybe God meant it to be a quick sprint this time.
And yet I’ve admired your focus, Lori.
My writing day always goes better if I hand it over to God first. It’s amazing to me to see how much I get done when he’s directing and not me.
Blessings.
Yes, I definitely need to spend more time playing games with my girls through the summer. It’s amazing how simply playing can seem like such a chore, enough to make me want to groan. But I’m working on that. The last two days, I’ve played volleyball in the pool with them and have laughed myself silly. I’m horrible. It’s hard to move quickly through the water against teenagers. At first, I was great at watching the ball go by, knowing I’d never make it a few feet over quickly enough to return it. But the more I try, the more I improve in speed and success … sort of like writing. I just need to allow that sense of humor to accompany the effort. 🙂
Laugh yourself silly? Excellent!
Amazing how that energizes and refreshes, doesn’t it? 🙂
Pool? Do you have any Nerf water guns? Asking for a friend…
Pool. I can get Nerf water guns? 🙂 #poolstillwarminseptember #dontshootmyeyeout
Oh goodie!
#notYOUReye
LOL!!! 🙂
I don’t do discouragement. First, it’s a choice, and I choose hope and optimism. Second, I can’t afford it.
* Discouragement’s a choice because it involves deliberately concentrating on a single aspect of life, and that from a certain, desired perspective. Yes, DESIRED…just as we sometimes listen to sad songs because we want to feel sad, feel the connection with “the existential sorrow that is the human condition”, we choose to be discouraged because it scratches an itch. Success isn’t a factor; almost every bestselling author has spoken of discouragement.
* Maybe discouragement makes us feel more human. I don’t know. But when we pick it up, we choose to leave so much that’s good lying in the mud…the love we have from friends and family, health, the boonbs we take for granted like clean water, safe food, and a night that will pass without a chilling midnight knock. We also leave out God’s love. Saying, “I’m discouraged because I don’t have an agent yet! ” is rather a slap in the face to your real agent, who happens to be Christ.
* And I can’t afford discouragement, because it weakens me, and costs me time. Last night when Barb came home she had to tell me to wipe the blood from my face, and this morning I can’t straighten up, and have to walk in an absurd crabwise shuffle. But I CAN walk, and I am awake, and I obviously can write today. I’ve got a LOT going for me.
* But if I let discouragement in, and play the Woe Is Me music, I may NEVER find the strength to get back to where I am now, may lose ground I cannot regain. It’s like cutting your own Achilles tendon; sooner or later, it’s not going to heal.
* So – how to keep discouragement out?
1 – Recognize that it’s a choice
2 – Everything Michelle said!
3 – Exercise, eat healthy, and limit caffeine and alcohol
4 – When times are challenging, set small goals. In meeting blogging commitments, I tell myself, “Just one more, then I’ll take a break”. It cuts the overhang that can develop into a manageable size
5 – Remember that writing is the life you’ve chosen, and your life is about service and obligation – not privilege and fun. If you’re serious about being a Christian (or, for that matter, a Muslim or a Buddhist or a Hindu), look at the basic precepts of faith…nowhere is it written that “writers just gotta have fun”.
6 – Get back to work.
I must say Drew, I have found that we can be very good at caving. We all have our coping mechanisms, but they all tend to leave us in a cave and that, in turn, keeps God out of it. My childhood experiences induced such a cave that I needed counselling to see it for what it was. Then I let go, shut the cave and stepped out to face my God and let Him sort what I can’t. In that context, discouragement is as much a cave for some as defiance is in others. I am not generalizing to you, I deeply admire your courage under fire, but I have seen the human condition reach for some pretty inadequate fig-leaves to cover our nakedness, instead of surrendering our brokenness to the Great Restorer.
Well, morphine didn’t work – again. What do I try now?
* Pete, you;re right, that defiance can be a fig leaf. I’ve been there. There is something that lies beyond defiance, and beyond the moto posters and pithy aphorisms.
* I’m not sure what that ‘something’ is, but it goes like this…it’s powerful hard to prevail over a man who doesn’t care if he lives or dies. The Romans said it well…una salus victus nullam sperare.
* Discouragement is keyed to the sense of ‘fairness’, and the hope that our perspective of justice will win through. Discouragement is thus locked to hope is a fatal embrace.
* If you can cut lose from hope, you also lose the need for discouragement, and therein lies freedom. This isn’t nihilistic, even though it sounds that way. Put another way, it’s the letting go of preconception, of the disappointment that God bought us a Ferrari instead of the Raleigh 3-speed we asked for.
* We may only be of an age now to use the bike, but ONE DAY…we will be able to put on the shades, light off all that good Italian horsepower, and live the Magnum dream.
All wise and insightful, Andrew. Thank you for putting things into perspective for me, as always.
Blessings
Andrew, I know several others commented below, but I’m not going to read those before replying. I just want to high-five you and everyone around the blog “room” after reading this. You’ve given us a sermon of sorts, putting it all in to perspective in a masterful way. Your wisdom and tenacity in the face of such adversity is not something I’ll soon forget. Thank you for your careful thought and engagement here. Every one of your six steps for battling discouragement is spot on. Bravo. 🙂
Thanks T
Thanks, Teresa – that means a lot.
Andrew, I know it’s rude to give unrequested advice, but I’m doing it here, in public (gasp!) I suggest you get a copy of the devotional, Keep On Dancin’; Daily Readings to Celebrate Life by Tim Hansel. It was published in 1995 but perhaps you can find a copy if you google the title.
I’ll look for it – thanks, Janet!
You’re welcome, Andrew. And you’ve got to watch this interview of Joni Eareckson Tada. Other people who read this blog may want to watch it, too. http://specialneeds.iflblog.com/2015/07/when-god-takes-over/
Joni’s one of my favourite people! I would LOVE to meet her some day. Thanks!
Andrew, you’re comments are spot-on. You’re right, discouragement is a choice….will I give in to it or resist it? You inspire me with your words.
Oh, Jeanne, thank you so much!
Maybe the best argument against discouragement in found in the New Testament, and the parable of the rich man who left his servants in charge while he was away.
* If we truly believe that our writing is a gift, then, like those servants, we’re expected to use it – no excuses.
* Under this interpretation, God will not ask how we ‘felt’. He’ll just ask what was the return on His investment.
* Scary thought.
I like your sense of justice argument Drew. It is wholly valid and yes you are wise – it is a point I have made in my writings too. I do want to make a slight counter-point though. In my journey with God, I so often heard believers speak and sing about a mighty God, yet I rarely, if ever saw that might. Rather, my journey took me down the road of understanding the legal precepts secured by the cross, which empower us, just as the law might empower an old, three-legged woman to take her stand in court against a band of Hell’s Angels. It seems to me then that, notwithstanding a degree of presumption, at least some of our spiritual expectations and hopes have a basis worth defending. In the court of life our thoughts and feelings accuse us, but the cross excuses us, defends us. It was, to my mind, the greatest legal transaction in human history, so rich with promises, covenants, oaths, rights of way, precepts, etc. I think we can get into as much trouble spiritually, but either not knowing where we stand or not standing in what we know.
Who wants to vote Andrew answer all the comments? 🙂
His wisdom shames me . . . in a good way, Andrew!
Thank you for your comments. I only feel a small twinge of guilt that all those keyboards are being pushed aside for Monopoly dice, or for my prefered game, Scrabble tiles . . .
I wrote this post because of some discouraging feelings I’ve had of late, but also because of what I’ve been picking up in the cybersphere. If it doesn’t apply, let it go.
Andrew correctly calls us back to what is important–where has God called you and how. In the world we’ll have tribulations, but He who has called you into a life focused on His glory will use your gifts and you for his purposes.
And they’re all good.
So, enjoy your day, feel free to comment and let’s rejoice!
The song “Great is Thy Faithfulness,” is running through my brains this morning.
Michelle, thank you.
* The song that’s running through my head today (and for a few days now) is The Cure’s “Friday I’m in Love”. It’s very hard to resist the infectious toe-tapping cheeriness of the song, or the downright heartwarmingly silly video that goes with it. Always leaves me with a smile, and makes me want to ‘write happy’.
* And so, to share the wealth, so to speak, here it is, look for the flying pig, and y’all are welcome –
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa2nLEhUcZ0
LOL. OK, this kind of silliness appeals to me, too! 🙂
Andrew for president
Michelle, thanks for another excellent post. I look forward to them every day. I’ve commented a few times on discussions already posted. But wanted to also add this. I can relate so well to #3. I was moving full-steam ahead on rewrites of my first novel when my husband came home from nearly a year working out of town (he was working with a Broadway show, so it was super fun!). I noticed that my enthusiasm for the writing was waning. I wasn’t making much progress each time I sat down at the keyboard. After some reflection, I realized that I simply wanted to be with him. It was wonderful having him home to help tend to our daughter and give me peaceful opportunities to write in chunks of time, but all I wanted was to simply be near him and enjoy his company. So, for about a month I set aside the pages and let God restore our little family’s bond. It was wonderful. And I don’t regret it for a second. In fact, my writing has only benefited from the necessary break. When I picked it back up, I was invigorated and nourished, ready to face the task in front of me once again.
Amen.
I like to think I know when to walk away from my writing and spent time in the 21st century.
Although, I did have to give up playing Scrabble online because it got to be a real addiction. BTW, my highest score against the computer was 523.
(And yes, that was bragging. Which is almost illegal in Canada.)
Thus, no more Scrabble. Even though my brother BEGS me to play. But he’d lose anyway. 😛
God has blessed me with friends who tell me, point blank, that I write well and should not worry about all of a sudden forgetting that I can actually string a sentence together.
As for the last question? I actually, for real, totally got the willies when I read that.
“I am Canadian” is, perhaps, the proudest boast there is in this world.
Here’s your “one word”, Jennifer…
Dieppe.
Then you have nothing to worry about, Jennifer.
These are great helps, Michelle. To be honest, the source of my discouragement is not rejection from publishers or readers, but from other writers. The race seems to make it harder for us to see value in the work of those we don’t know. I fight a sense of feeling dismissed because I’m not with a particular kind of publisher or am not known in certain circles. It takes time for an author, even with nothing but glowing feedback, to make a large enough splash to gain the respect of peers. Sometimes I think we and our peers are the toughest audience to crack.
I’m sorry that’s happened to you, Camille. That hasn’t been my experience, that I’m aware of, but I can see how it could be a problem. Perhaps you saw my piece last week on Envy and the Writer?
I do think it’s hard to keep your own spirits up when you don’t get any positive feedback. That’s why we need cheerleaders and you’re making me think that writer cheerleaders may be more important than I realized.
Best wishes.
I agree with Michelle. When Moses, Joshua and Caleb wanted to cross the Jordan, God held them back until the whole nation was ready to go on. Its vital that we also take care not to run so far ahead that we leave other writers behind, but as vital that in reaching the west we turn back to bring others through. Camille, I/we want you to get through, as much as we wish that for ourselves – but in this forum you get tons of encouragement.
A vAriation on take s bresl that works for me is to work on two stories at a time. When it doesn’t feel like the.one I’m actively writing on isn’t flowing, I picking up the dormant one for a while. Working on the next book in a series also helps me see where to introduce subplots and where a character has to grow in a particular way for the next book. Iterating like this reenergizes me when I start to flag.
Scrabble-love it! We created a nonstressful variation with 14 tiles, no scoring, and you just try to make the longest, weirdest words for fun.
Pls forgive typos. Lightning fried computer and phone wont scroll back for check/fix autocorrect
Since Apple spell check can’t even remember my last name, I’m not likely to count spelling against you, Carol! 🙂
Great idea on the two stories, particularly if they are in different genres or eras. If one doesn’t inspire, maybe the other will! 🙂
Five Stars for this post, Michelle…so helpful and encouraging. Knowing others are persevering in the journey gives me hope!
Thank you, Kate, and thanks for the retweets as well!
Michelle, you offer such important tips here! One of the biggest things that helps me is talking with writing friends when I need a boost. Also remember those areas where God has given me success has helped me to refocus and move forward.
I’ve also found keeping up with my sleep helps me not fall into discouragement as easily.
Thanks.
Sleep . . . maybe not getting enough IS part of my problem? 🙂
It’s certainly not for lack of trying, sigh.
Thanks so much, Michelle, for the inspiration. Your points helped me change direction and gain a better perspective.
I’m pleased the post could help. Best wishes.
One thing that has really helped me is having a prayer partner who is also a writer. Every Monday morning Xochi and I pray, share our goals, and take turns talking each other down from the ledge. (“I know you will probably have to tell me the same thing next week, but…” “Remember what you told me about…?” “Correct me if I’m wrong, but do you or do you not have an agent who believes in you?”) When I’m discouraged, I call or text Xochi, and vice versa. We read each other’s blogs, cheer each other on, and celebrate successes. When I signed a contract recently, she insisted that we have a writing day so she could take me out for lunch and update my author photos (she is a really good photographer!) before we spent some time brainstorming and writing.
It is hard to stay discouraged with a friend and prayer partner like Xochi.