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3 Questions to Ask Yourself when You’re Discouraged

August 5, 2021 //  by Mary DeMuth//  18 Comments

I’ve watched the success of others as I’ve pursued a career that exemplifies longevity, and I have the privilege of shepherding my authors toward a sustainable career. The key is to keep walking, particularly after the sting of rejection, or the pushback we inevitably experience in the publishing world.

Confession: There have been times where an author’s first or second book take off like a firecracker, and I’ve secretly (okay, not so secretly) been frustrated. In those times, I remind myself afresh of God’s glorious sovereignty, that He lifts up some, takes away from others, and gives everyone a unique path.

I’ve found a common ground between folks who seem to strike it hot the first time out of the gate and those who toil for years without such breakthrough. It’s this: be faithful in little things. Jesus said, “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities” (Luke 16:10 NLT). Must of the writing life is forging ahead in little things.

Whether you find immediate success or face discouragement right now as you wonder why success hasn’t come your way, you still have to do unnoticed things if you want to experience the greater career success of longevity.

We’ve seen one-hit wonders in the music world. They’ve made their one popular song, then languish for twenty years, eventually playing that same song in county fairs across the nation. They live in the past. Reminds me of the film, About a Boy, where Hugh Grant’s character is haunted by his popular Christmas song so much so that he’s forgotten how to live.

God has a better plan. And I believe you can experience a new kind of longevity-related success (particularly if you’re discouraged) by asking 3 questions.

  1. Why am I writing? When you get at the central question of why, you uncover that pesky thing called motivation. When I see others’ success and wonder about my own, or I encounter obstacles, I have to ask why I’m doing this. My answer? God told me to write. And if God told me to write, then my job is simple obedience, plain, undecorated. Your why will keep you moving forward.
  2. What am I doing? Sometimes we need to re-evaluate what exactly we’re doing to achieve our goals. Chances are, in our quest for success, we grab at what some one-hit-wonders have done, believing in the formula rather than the process God has intended for us. Remember this: You are unique, and your pathway is unique. Someone else’s surefire formula may not garner the same success. Your “what” must fit you, and it must serve your overall mission statement. If it doesn’t, re-evaluate. This is particularly important as you build a platform. It won’t look like others. Your platform shouldn’t look like others. Instead, it should fit who you are.
  3. How am I doing it? Whether you’re a one-hit-wonder or you feel you’re slogging your way through your fifth unpublished book, the how question gets at what contributes to burnout. Some of us are performing tasks in an unsustainable way. Building a platform may be stealing our joy. We are of no use to our career, our families, and our friends if we work like crazy and never rest. Remember, you’re in this career for the long haul. Treat that path with respect, and be kind to yourself. You cannot do it all. Nor should you.

How about you? What has helped you when you’re discouraged in your work? How have you found lasting success? And how have you dealt with others who seem to succeed quicker?

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Category: Writing LifeTag: author platform, burnout, discouragement

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  1. Kristen Joy Wilks

    August 5, 2021 at 6:23 am

    I love this:

    “Whether you find immediate success or face discouragement right now as you wonder why success hasn’t come your way, you still have to do unnoticed things if you want to experience the greater career success of longevity.”

    It is that act of honor and obedience in the small things that builds the strength of character to be honorable in the big things. May I always honor my Lord, whatever size of task He brings.

    Reply
    • Mary DeMuth

      August 5, 2021 at 6:32 am

      Yes, and may I do that as well.

      Reply
  2. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    August 5, 2021 at 7:28 am

    Well, speaking of discouragement…God brought me out of a sustained fever of 107 last month, which medical opinion said would be fatal.

    But the cancers remain, and it would be easy to get discouraged, but for this, the knowing that I was brought back for a purpose, one that God has made unique to my life (as you point out in #2 above).

    So I’ll keep going, in the hope that there’s someone out there to listen, and to hear.

    I was saved from fever’s flame
    by the God I love so well,
    but now it seems I must remain
    right back here in cancer’s hell,
    and yes, there comes discouragement;
    why did He not a full cure give?
    But this is futile sentiment,
    and I must choose how I will live.
    I therefore choose to give Him praise,
    in every word I write and speak,
    however long may run my days,
    for in the end it’s mine to seek
    the treasure and bright shining grace
    when in my heart, I see His face.

    Reply
    • Mary DeMuth

      August 5, 2021 at 9:05 am

      Loved the last couplet:

      the treasure and bright shining grace
      when in my heart, I see His face.

      Reply
  3. Wendy Lawton

    August 5, 2021 at 10:33 am

    This is repeat reading for all writers, Mary. Words to remember: “Be kind to yourself.”

    Reply
    • Mary DeMuth

      August 5, 2021 at 11:58 am

      Yes, I need to take my own advice!

      Reply
  4. Carol Ashby

    August 5, 2021 at 11:43 am

    When I feel like I’m being dragged down by everything an author has to do, I remember what some readers have said.
    There’s the comment through my website link at the back of one of the books from a lady who wants to give a copy of it to the husband of her dear friend because it might help him become more open to Christianity.
    There’s the public Facebook comment from a young man who wrote that the thoughts of the hero on page 180 of The Legacy helped him decide not to kill himself one night.
    There’s the elderly woman who told me the stories’ themes about love being a decision, not an emotion, and forgiveness setting us free made her heart sing.
    If my books can have those effects, then it’s clear God is using me for His purpose, and I’d better get after doing what I’m supposed to do. He’s already given me lasting success of the kind that counts.

    Reply
    • Mary DeMuth

      August 5, 2021 at 11:58 am

      This is so lovely, Carol. What encouraging things to remember!

      Reply
  5. Hallie Lee

    August 6, 2021 at 5:19 am

    I needed this today, Mary. Thank you for posting. I shared it on Facebook. I think it can be applied to most anything – not just authoring. LOL.

    Reply
    • Mary DeMuth

      August 6, 2021 at 5:20 am

      Thanks for sharing it, Hallie, and I’m so glad it has wide applications!

      Reply
  6. Deb Gorman

    August 6, 2021 at 7:36 am

    “Your platform shouldn’t look like others. Instead, it should fit who you are.”

    This brings up an obvious question I must answer.

    Just who am I?

    If I can’t answer that question, I won’t have clue where my path is heading. I won’t be able to see my “uniqueness”, nor be able to follow my one-and-only pathway. Platform? Won’t happen until I know what I can stand on.

    After several decades on the planet, you’d think I’d know myself and who I am. Got news for you . . . NOT! 🙂 I know some things, but not all.

    Since God is the One Who knows me through and through, in and out, upside down and downside up, I think we need to have a conversation.

    Thank you for this post, Mary. Very timely.

    Reply
    • Mary DeMuth

      August 6, 2021 at 12:34 pm

      That’s certainly an existential question, Deb!

      Reply
  7. Janet Ann Collins

    August 6, 2021 at 11:26 am

    My books haven’t sold well and my publishing house went out of business. But I’ve been privileged to learn that several things I wrote made a big difference in the lives of people who read them and that makes writing worth more than money.

    Reply
    • Mary DeMuth

      August 6, 2021 at 12:35 pm

      That’s so very true. How amazing~!

      Reply
  8. Stacey Jeannett

    August 10, 2021 at 1:41 pm

    Thank you, I am going to print these great reminder questions and put them on my computer to review every time I go to write!

    Reply
    • Mary DeMuth

      August 10, 2021 at 1:42 pm

      So glad to hear it, Stacey.

      Reply
  9. Janice Laird

    August 11, 2021 at 12:36 pm

    Important reminders as some days I cannot stop comparing my efforts to others. Then I tell myself, “All in God’s timing.” Because I did start writing when I needed it most.

    Reply
    • Mary DeMuth

      August 11, 2021 at 2:24 pm

      Trusting in his timing is really important and freeing, Janice.

      Reply

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