by Cynthia Ruchti
What’s “zinger dialogue” in a novel or creative nonfiction?
It’s dialogue that:
reaches its target
communicates effectively
and engages the reader to be
drawn deeper into the story
and more deeply connected to the characters.
Many beginning writers struggle with creating effective dialogue. More experienced writers may find their narrative compelling and their dialogue stilted. Others discover familiar words showing up in critiques or contest remarks:
“Work on making dialogue more natural, less stiff and formal.”
“Dialogue is not distinct between and among characters.”
“Use more dialogue to communicate these points.”
Is writing good dialogue an “either you have it or you don’t” skill? Is anyone born knowing how to create good dialogue?
All verbal communication–which in the case of books is verbal communication in print–is a learned skill. We learn both effective and ineffective methods of communicating by hearing it at work around us. An infant might naturally babble. But he or she will not form recognizable words without having heard them.
A writer learns good dialogue skills by reading great dialogue, learning from experienced instructors, and observing the dialogues of life.
How can a writer make sure the dialogue sections they agonize over are zingers?
Don’t include anything that can be left out. And make it fit the tone of the moment. In casual conversation, we fall into speech patterns that don’t translate well onto the page.
“Hello. Is this Joe?”
“Why yes, it is. I’m Joe.”
“Well, I’m with the fire department.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. We’re outside your home right now. You might want to come join us outside. There’s black smoke billowing from your roof.”
“There is? I can’t thank you enough for informing me. Why don’t I hang up and make my way out to the front yard. Yes, I see the flashing lights now. Did your department recently replace some older equipment? That truck looks brand new.”
“Your tax dollars at work, as they say.”
That would be about as awkward a stretch of dialogue for a scene like this as a reader could imagine. But the reader would likely have set the book aside before finishing that short section.
Here’s something that might work:
“FIRE!”
Eliminate space fillers that occur frequently in oral communication.
Even though you’ll find evidence of the following in many pieces of dialogue, and you’ll hear it in conversation, space fillers are only valuable if they are used sparingly. Experiment with deleting space fillers. See if your dialogue doesn’t flow more smoothly.
“Well, I, um, you see . . . I can’t always predict how this engine will react in cold temperatures. So, you know, it may or may not start.”
“I, uh, understand your dilemma. So, if you don’t mind, I guess the only way I can find out for sure–in light of what you said–is for me to take it for a test drive, wouldn’t you think?”
Consider this alternate version, still real but less cluttered:
“Can’t always predict how this engine will react in cold temperatures. It may not start.”
“I guess the only way for me to find out is to take it for a test drive.”
If it’s important to show hesitation, consider using action beats for that purpose:
“Can’t always predict how this engine will react in cold temperatures.” Carl lifted his grease-stained cap and repositioned it over his equally grease-stained head. “It may not start.”
Study how rhythm and precise word choices distinguish characters from one another.
As you read good books, you’ll notice how even without a speaker attribution, the author manages to make each character’s “voice” distinct.
“But Mrs. Larson, I can’t hardly walk that far with this leg of mine giving me fits every time I think too hard about it, much less carrying that sack ‘a groceries too.”
“That’s your issue, not mine, Muley. You pleaded with me to come along on this excursion. You pledged to carry your part of the load. I expect you to honor your commitment.”
Make judicious use of subtext (the unspoken).
Careful listeners soon learn that in normal conversation, it’s not a question-followed-by-answer or statement-followed-by-statement exchange. We often respond with a line of dialogue that seems unrelated to the question or statement, or says much more by what’s left unsaid.
“How soon is dinner?”
“As soon as it’s ready.”
“I need to know when. Mom just called.”
“I didn’t hear the phone ring.”
“She’s been after me to help her fix the drain pipe on the gutter in the front of her house.”
“I think next week I’ll hire someone to do ours.”
“Elaine, don’t be like this.”
She turned off the stove burner and walked out of the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “Dinner will be ready just as soon as you get done fixing it.”
“The gutter?”
“Dinner.”
Without knowing much more of the story, we can already tell that the husband and wife aren’t communicating smoothly in the marriage. The wife is frustrated with her husband’s inattentiveness to their home’s needs and her requests, but feels compelled to take care of his mother’s needs. The wife is tired of the expectations placed upon her to flex around Mama’s demands for her husband’s time. None of that was said directly with words, but with what wasn’t said and what the reader reads between the lines.
Keep lines of dialogue from becoming monologues.
Few things tire a reader more, and signal that the author has moved from storytelling to expressing live action on the page than dialogue that reads like a monologue. Dialogue, but nature, is an exchange of conversation.
“Tell me about your trip to Paris. That must have been fascinating.”
“Our flight was delayed by two hours, so we weren’t sure if we’d be able to make our connecting flight in London. What a mess. Honestly, you have to wonder where the airlines are spending their money if they can’t keep to a simple flight schedule. But we did manage to make the connecting flight with ten minutes to spare. I’ll never do that again, allow my sister to book our flights for us. She’s been like that since we were kids, always cutting it too close for my tastes. And the taxi ride from the airport was a story in itself.” (Could go on for pages.)
Realistic dialogue moves–and moves along the story’s plot and character development–more like this:
“Tell me about your trip to Paris. That must have been fascinating.”
“Our flight was delayed by two hours, so we weren’t sure if we’d be able to make our connecting flight in London.”
“A whole ocean crossing of time to worry about that, I imagine.”
“What a mess. Honestly, you have to wonder where the airlines are spending their money if they can’t keep to a simple flight schedule.”
“Weather delays don’t abide by schedules. But, yes, it can be frustrating sometimes.”
“We did manage to make the connecting flight with ten minutes to spare.”
“What a relief!”
“I’ll never do that again.”
“Do what?”
“Allow my sister to book our flights for us. She’s been like that since we were kids, always cutting it too close for my tastes.”
“I have a brother like that.”
Are you ready to go write zinger dialogue?
This hasn’t been a study in excellent dialogue. I’ve included simple samples to get us thinking about what elements go into dialogue that hits the mark.
What’s a dialogue technique you’ve found effective–either in your reading or your writing?
What’s one dialogue angle you hope to work on in the coming year to improve your writing?
Good dialogue’s so hard to tag,
a greased pig on meth;
but say, “Dude, it’s not my bag!”
and you’re just writing Death.
‘Cause people talk, way too much
and wave their hands around,
so real characters need the touch
of spoken and unspoken sound.
My hint for snappy repartee
is ‘thoughts are never finished
in a single line, or three;
in talk, coherency’s diminished’.
So chase that pig, and hang on tight
’til dialogue’s your strength, your might
Spoken and unspoken sound. Brilliant!
This lesson’s a zinger! Thank you.
Thanks, Shirlee!
I’m guessing this blog is by Cynthia? It doesn’t say.
Great summary. I especially like the advice not to include anything that can be left out. This is especially true when the men are talking. I worked 30+ years in a mostly male field, so I learned to use male communication styles myself, but for female writers who didn’t get such great training, I’d say be especially ruthless in trimming words and even obvious thoughts when your male characters speak. I’ve read that women speak about 50K words a day and men only 25K. I believe it.
Writing the dialogue is the most fun part of a high-conflict scene for me. I’ll often write the dialogue and then go back and add the beats and any setting and action info the scene needs. I try to never use tags like “said” because that pulls the reader out of the character’s head, breaking with deep POV. I want to fully immerse my readers in the emotions of the moment.
Great counsel, Carol. And yes, it was me.
Thanks Cynthia for all the tips on dialogue.
I really love dialogue because it is vital in giving each character voice and personality. It is such a display of who they are or aren’t.
Dialogue, in my opinion, draws readers into the world of the story deeper and more quickly–if done right–than any other literary device.
“Mr. Allen, you just ate our last bit of food!” Josie snapped the empty can from his beefy hand. “Others are hungry too.”
“I needed it.” Bits of food gathered in his mustache and made a trail down his long beard.
“You! You’re the one who has the least to worry about.”
Ooh. Makes me want to read more.
OK, here’s one.
“What, mate? Wy’d you just throw your cobber overboard?”
Bluey held his ground. “We’re shark-fishing, yeah? And didn’t you just say to throw the chum over the side?”
Groan!!! But I like it.
Andrew, I am laughing hysterically! That is too funny! What a great play on words.
” I salute you! I’d salute your cobber too. but you threw your chum over the side of the boat en matey. I s’pose he’s the main guest at the sharks dinner today.”
“Yah, but you can bet your last gold piece that I won’t be joinin’ ‘im. He was a good bloke, he was.”
LOVE THIS!
Thank you for the great article and for posting examples of better dialogue within each scene. It was helpful!
Thanks, Colleen.
Have to admit I got stalled at “I can’t always predict how this engine will react in cold temperatures.” A few years ago our house was on fire – in the winter – at 30 below Celsius. The water in the fire truck was frozen so nothing could be done and we all just stood and watched our house burn to the ground.
Really enjoyed your examples, Cynthia, although the monologue example actually works for me as is. I expect we all know people who run off at the mouth like that. It can define a character quite well.
I tend to be too sparse with dialogue and always have to beef it up on revision. This year I hope to get my dialogue right the first time.
We’re always learning, aren’t we?
Here’s some dialogue that will appear in an upcoming blog post. Love to know what y’all think. Yes, I actually AM certifiable, so no need to go there.
And thus:
I heard the news in the evening, after Barb had gone to bed, and I went to her door. “Barb?”
“Hmm?”
I opened the bedroom door, and stepped in. “I wanted to let you know first, because you’re sure to hear the news.”
“What news?” Barb sat up in bed, and hugged her knees.
“Well…Tim Tebow’s gotten engaged. To a former Miss Universe. Apparently he got her a really huge ring.”
Barb was nonplussed. “So?”
I took a deep breath. “Well, I’m going to email him, and send him your picture, and tell him that there’ll be this super-nice lady who’ll be available after I’m, like, you know, dead.”
After blinking a couple of times, Barb said, “Huh?”
“I’m sure he’ll break the engagement, and he’s a really nice Christian boy, in good phyical shape…he’ll be a lot of help with the dogs and stuff.”
“Uh, well…thanks?”
“Hey, no problemo…I take good care of my women!”
“WHAT WOMEN????”
Andrew, you are not funny, and this I say with admiration and love. I know you know that. Barb would much rather have you than anyone else.
I know you worry about how she will make it after you’ve passed to your heavenly home, but I assure you the same God who loves her and who she is in love with for all these years, will be the same God to her when the Father brings you home. After all, Jesus has been preparing a home, a special one just perfect for you, for a long time.
Andrew, my dear friend, I know you like stories to encourage you. So, I am going to tell you one about provision for spouses left behind when there beloved goes on ahead of them.
I have a very dear friend, my last roommate at college, who I have known for years. We have been there for each other throughout the past almost 30 years.
When she married, she married a man who had brain cancer at 18 but survived. He was about 27 when they met at school. They met, fell in love, and married.
Supposedly he was not able to have children due to the effects of the chemo used to destroy his cancer, yet God blessed them not just with one child but three beautiful girls.
Unfortunately, the cancer returned to his brain, and this time could not be cured. When he passed on to heaven fourteen years ago this February, his daughter’s were ages, seven, three, and one. My dear friend was devastated. She was very angry at her husband for leaving, and upset that God took him as she then had three small children to raise on her own. Her parents had passed long ago, she had no idea where her brother was, and her sister and brother-in-law lived in Texas. They loved her and her girls, and prayed constantly for them, but being of meager means, they have really never been able to help them financially, other than a few times.
The church members that so eagerly committed to her and her girls eventually dropped off one by one within the first two to three years. Her father-in-law found it difficult to be with her and the girls as it was a reminder his son was gone, and even now has not been what a Christian or any loving grandfather should be to his son’s wife, and the mother of his grandchildren.
There have been a few constants other than myself and husband. I am their Auntie Betsy and April’s cardsender on her birthday and Valentine’s. This not to commend myself, but to indicate how well I know her and the girl’s each who are special needs in some way due to the loss of their daddy, and the effects of the oldest girl, now 21 years old, being special needs with Asperger’s.
I can attest that although there have been some very difficult times, there has also been times of laughter and joy. And, I have never seen God not provide for her in some way, no matter if it’s my husband and myself, another friend, a community member, her daughtter’s county worker, or someone she didn’t even know. Has it been tight for them? Yes. But God has also blessed them with things too numerous to write here.
For these past fifteen years since her husband died of cancer, God has been her husband as He promised in His Word, Isaiah 54:5. You see Andrew, you may not be able to personally find someone to care for Barb and the dogs, but the Father has that already planned out. It is your job to love her for as long as you are on this earth, just love her and receive her love, the love of others, and the love of God. As a nurse of almost 40 years, I know you must be very tired, in pain, and in the most debilitated shape physically. I imagine it is exhausting at times to just make it through a morning, much less the afternoon, an evening, a day. My heart goes out to you and Barb. You are not alone, although you may feel like it at times. The God of the universe is with you and will carry you home when the time comes.
Be blessed my brother, fellow wordsmith, and dear, dear, Books and Such family member.
I have to tell you, you will get to check out the grand libraries of heaven, and when I get there we can create some zinger dialogue with word play in our brand new pain free, glorified bodies.
Praying,
Betsy
Yes, Andrew. Certifiably clever!
Being a writer myself at Content Writing I loved the way you presented your content.
Thanks, Danal.