You Guys are Funny

Rachelle Gardner

Blogger: Rachelle Gardner

I had a great time last week reading all the jokes you sent! The laughs were fun and much needed. So many of them were chuckle-worthy—I wish I could give everyone a prize! Here are a few of my favorites:

The trying-hard-to-say-the-right-thing award goes to:

How many literary agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. They’re not stupid. They’re just subjective. (from Ann)

The oh-so-inspirational award goes to:

How many agents does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but she has to find just the right socket, who loves the bulb every bit as much as she does, and who will champion it through the entire process until the light shines for everyone. (from Elissa)

The answering-a-question-with-a-question award goes to:

How many agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What kind of answer are you currently seeking? (from Ree)

The obviously-you’ve-been-reading-my-mail award goes to:

Dear Agent:
My answer is an absolute masterpiece. It incorporates a little bit of romance, a lot of mystery, some historical facts and even some satire! How’s that for being creative? Harry Potter would love my answer. I don’t have any experience answering jokes on other blogs, but my BFF said my response is the best thing she ever read. It’s comparable to The Da Vinci Code. My answer is top secret, so please call me ASAP so we can discuss it. (from NYT Bestseller)

The did-you-really-go-there award goes to:

* How many agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
* Depends. If they’re CBA, they’d prefer the word ‘install’. (from Andrew Budek-Schmeisser)

The A-for-effort award goes to:

Saying “no” to a query,
Must sometimes make you weary.
I’m sure when trying to find the next great book,
sometimes all your energy gets cooked.
A frustrating publisher call,
must make you want to bawl.
I imagine editing for hours,
sometimes turns days from sweet to sour.
But even with all the stresses,
an agent always blesses.
Smart as a tack,
Brilliance she does not lack.
When it comes to changing the bulb of a light,
she doesn’t even use all of her might.
Only one agent can change a light bulb with ease,
and anyone who doesn’t think she can, surly has fleas! (from Talitha Koger)

The blah-blah-blah award goes to:

Thank you very much for sending me your request to change a lightbulb. As you may know, we receive over a hundred lightbulb changing requests per week, and so we must be very selective. At this time I do not feel that I am the right agent to change your lightbulb. Please remember that this is only one opinion, and another agency may feel differently. After all, it just takes one “yes” to change your lightbulb. Best of luck. (from Jared)

The flattery-will-get-you-everywhere award goes to:

How many agents does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, if it’s a Books & Such Agent. Highly skilled, able to leap tall bookcases with a single ladder, efficient–so they use LED bulbs that only have to be changed once every 25 years, and perfectly comfortable negotiating contracts while changing said lightbulb. (from Cynthia K. Ruchti)

The best-common-core-math award goes to:

2 will insist the old lightbulb can still work
3 will argue that the new lightbulb is too similar to the old one
15 will say that the new bulb isn’t quite the right fit
3 will say there are already too many lightbulbs out there
1 will ask that the filament be changed, the glass to be clearer and the contrast more distinct
1 will grab that lightbulb with both hands and find it in the best damn lamp in the world! (from Dave)

The yep-we-wash-our-dishes-too award goes to:

How many agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
You mean you’ve gotta change light bulbs too??!! (from Ruth Ann Blanchard)

And finally, the WINNER of the contest, my favorite:

How many agents does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but then she has to blog, post, tweet, pin, and Instagram it. That takes the rest of the day. (from Kathy Nickerson)

Thanks for playing!


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