Blogger: Rachelle Gardner
Once you’re a published author, you’re going to have a target on your back. You will offer up your words to strangers, and not everyone will like what you write. You’ll be vulnerable in front of the world. You’ll make mistakes, you may offend people. And you may not feel safe.
They will write things publicly about you, on their blogs, on social media, on book review sites, or on Amazon. One of my friends recently received this review online: “I couldn’t even finish this book… confusing and in my humble opinion, pointless.” Ouch.
Everyone has a right to their opinion. In fact, diversity of opinions is something that makes book publishing so dynamic and interesting. But sometimes those opinions hit us like flaming arrows.
I’ve had this happen numerous times on my blog. I’ll write something with which some folks disagree, or something that gets peoples’ hackles up. I may be intending to simply float an idea and spark conversation. Whether I succeed or fail is completely up to the reader.
And that’s the point. Your intent doesn’t matter to readers. What matters is what they perceive, and whether they like what you’ve written, period. If they don’t, their response can be brutal.
Anyone in the “public eye” is a target for criticism. People can and will say anything they want. They will misinterpret what we’ve written, they will assign motives, and they’ll make judgments.
So what can we do about this? Here are three things.
(1) Don’t engage.
There are few exceptions to this guideline. I’ve rarely seen an author’s public response to criticism turn out well. Your attempts to engage in a conversation with your detractors won’t likely do any more than add fuel to the fire. Let people say what they will. Let it be.
(2) Listen and Learn.
Sometimes there’s helpful criticism wrapped in a harshly worded comment or critique. It’s possible that your interpretation of someone’s apparently hurtful intent may be wrong, too. If the comment is simply mean-spirited or self-serving, let it bounce off, but don’t be so Teflon-coated that even helpful advice can’t get through.
(3) Be careful with your own words.
As you offer your criticism to others online, think before you hit Send. Treat others as you’d like to be treated. Offer grace. Offer constructive criticism intended to build up rather than harsh judgment intended to tear down. Remember there is a real live person behind the written words. If you have a particularly scathing piece of feedback, send it in private rather than airing it in public. Better yet, ask yourself if your opinion is so important that it needs to be shared, or if you can let it go.
Regardless of who you are, or how kindhearted your intent, if you’re a writer in pursuit of publication, eventually you’re going to be judged.
At this year’s West Coast Christian Writers Conference Bill Giovannetti referred to this as the “Spit Pit.” It was a stairwell that occasionally captured game balls carelessly thrown. When that happened all the kids would start yelling “Spit pit! Spit pit!” as they gathered around the railing above the stairwell. Whomever owned that ball had to decide whether or not it was worth retrieving, because they were going to spit upon all the way down and all the way back up.
Bill likened this to putting our work out there into our own Spit Pit. People are going to spit all over us, and we just have to understand that going in, and be okay with it.
Thank you for sharing Bill’s words, Damon. That’s so great. Hard, but great.
Rachelle, this is excellent advice for everyone for their online interactions. Too many people are affable in person and another “a” word consistently online—sometimes the pseudoanonymity of the Internet brings out very bad characteristics in people. Let us not be “like that,” and let us be loving. Your shield advice is perfect.
These are now the vicious days
and all the icons fall.
Civility’s become a haze
where once it was a wall.
The pagans by the mist concealed
will never let you go
unless, perchance, you choose to yield,
join the profane imbroglio.
So remain, friend, at God’s behest
and you’ll need no place to hide.
Seek courage with the Psalmist;
let Proverbs be your guide,
and when tempted, kneel and borrow
the decency of the Man of Sorrows.
Beautifully written … “Carry a shield. And treat others as if they don’t.” God advice not only for writing! Thanks for being a light!
* good that is … (but then … God is good)
I liked that one too, Heidi.
Great advice, Rachelle. Thanks.
Spot on, Rachelle. I learned this lesson when I taught high school English for 26 years. Some people seem to have the need to vent. Some just need to be “right” all the time. Others need to feel superior. We can let them, as the truth will rise to the top, and the rest of the world will notice.
Excellent advice. I’ve read a comment or two that has stung over the years. My hope is that I always look for a learning opportunity and that God silences my tongue if I can’t.
Wow! What a powerful message! Yes, some people will enjoy what we write and some will question. Pray before speaking. 🙂 There are times when silence is best.
So, this line of your post tweaked my perspective:
“Your intent doesn’t matter to readers. What matters is what they perceive, and whether they like what you’ve written, period. If they don’t, their response can be brutal.”
You’re right, readers aren’t going to ask our intent, they’re going to respond based on how our words hit them. Thanks for this.
Thank you for wise advice. I love the quote at the bottom.
Really good advice and more needed as days go by. Thanks.
Thanks for the wise words, Rachelle. Your post brings to mind an important issue with the written word. Unlike face-to-face dialogue, the written word arrives with no tone of voice. No body language. No eye contact. It doesn’t matter that the writer may wrestle with every word to get it just right. When readers read, they bring along their own filters of values, perceptions, experiences; and it’s through those filters that they respond. In the world of social media, everyone can assume the role of literary critic. When the criticism is harsh, we need to take a step back. Maybe two steps. Alexander Pope was right: Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Renee, for what it’s worth, your nod to Alexander Pope inspired some thought, and this:
Perhaps Mr. Pope was right
about the rushing fools
amid the timid angels’ plight,
but there may be other rules.
There are monsters from the night
that now the daylight dare.
Someone has to bring the fight
to their dank foul-mannered lair.
We have to run the desperate risk
of finding evil whole
and asking this, does God insist
on a wager of our soul?
A glance behind, and thus I choose
to guard what’s dear, and not to lose.
Nicely done, Andrew.
Thanks, Janet!
These fears of being harshly judged can lead to a paralysis which we may not be conscious of possessing. I think this has been one of the reasons for my being too tentative rather than being bold at building my platform and using social media.
So good to have your blog on my journey for all the wisdom and strength it offers.