Blogger: Rachelle Gardner
I do a lot of reading around the web and I devour business-related books and blogs. One of the themes that is arising again and again lately is resilience. More than ever, employees, entrepreneurs, and entire companies depend for their survival on resilience — the ability to bounce back from failure, to recover from setbacks or disappointments.
Writers are no exception. Resilience is something we all need to develop.
In today’s business environment, things change rapidly. Bombshells are everywhere. Publishing is part of the larger picture of a volatile environment. Rather than wring our hands when publishers’ imprints shut down, or when our books don’t become bestsellers, or our queries don’t garner the responses we hoped, we can bounce back. We can refuse to be deterred by setbacks.
But how do we develop resilience? Well-known Harvard Business School professor Rosabeth Moss Kanter gives us an insightful answer:
“Complacency, arrogance, and greed crowd out resilience. Humility and a noble purpose fuel it.”
I’ve seen examples of this so many times. The people who cannot bounce back from disappointment often have unrealistic expectations, or are impatient for success, or may be too tired to give it another go. Writers who believe in their ultimate purpose for writing — who have goals more lofty than money or fame or bestselling status — are the ones who find the strength to dust themselves off and keep going.
Kanter also writes: “Resilience draws from strength of character, from a core set of values that motivate efforts to overcome the setback and resume walking the path to success.”
So the way you develop resilience is to go back to your values and your purpose, again and again. Don’t linger too long in setbacks. Your motivation to continue will, I think, be proportional to the strength of your commitment to your ideals.
I believe you can intentionally grow your own resilience. Practice it whenever something disappoints you. Remind yourself of your larger purpose. Stay humble. When you feel entitled or like you “deserve” success, be angry for a few minutes, then re-focus on your goal. Ask yourself if, in light of this latest development, you need to change anything.
If we don’t develop resilience, we risk developing bitterness. And I don’t think we’ll find the success we’re looking for.
Setbacks, surprises, and difficulties are around every corner. Resilience isn’t the only skill writers need, and it may not even be the most important skill — but without it, most of us will not reach our goals.
How is your level of resilience? What experiences have helped you develop it? In what situations have you needed it lately?
Tweetables
Setbacks, surprises & difficulties are around every corner. Do you have resilience? Click to Tweet.
To develop resilience, go back to your values and your purpose, again and again. Click to Tweet.
If we don’t development resilience, we may develop bitterness instead, says @RachelleGardner. Click to Tweet.
Quotes are from Rosabeth Moss Kanter’s article in Harvard Business Review blogs: Surprises Are the New Normal; Resilience is the New Skill.
Image copyright: vera7388 / 123RF Stock Photo
Becky McCoy
Unfortunately, the last ten years or so have been full of opportunities to learn resilience. The silver lining is that I have enough material for many books!
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
Becky, I sincerely hope that you realize how much of an inspiration you are to everyone here, and, I am sure, to all those with whom you come in contact. To me, you’re a giant.
Becky McCoy
Thank you. I STILL owe you an email reply.
Shelia Stovall
It’s by knowing and trusting that God has a great plan for me that I’m able to accept failure, endure pruning, and appreciate success when it comes. This writing life is a marathon. I write to share my faith. Sometimes, only one person may reply to my blog post, but when that one person tells me my writing encouraged them, it is enough to fuel my passion to keep working and learning.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
Lead that one person to salvation, Sheila, and God will do a SnOoPyDaNcE when he thinks of you.
Shelia Stovall
You are so right Andrew. I work with a woman who is not saved, and I knew if I wrote a book she’d read it. She has read my manuscript and offered suggestions. Writing gave me a means to share God’s plan for salvation with her. Maybe all this work is just for her. I hope not, but if it is, that’s okay too.
peter
A friend did a river trip with his family. They plodded on for what seemed like hours, pining for their overnight hut. Eventually, they despaired enough to get off the river, to sleep on a very uncomfortable, rocky beach. The next morning, around the very next bend, they found the campsite they had missed by such a slender margin. Had they persisted a little further, who knows how sweet their relief and triumph would have felt?
Faith and persistence is interchangeable, but as such holds on to the skier’s rope as God faithfully draws us through every contradiction and setback. However, a very “different man” will emerge (to quote a verse about King Saul). Instead of a wide-eyed, naive, presumptuous and impulsive writer, persistence will yield a wise, relevant and empathetic writer, with the maturity to handle the post-publication journey.
Don’t give up now – you will never know how close you came.
Shirlee Abbott
God called me to write. I tell his stories. He measures success by my obedience, not books published or social media followers. If worldly success had come too early in my journey, I would have gotten caught up in how good I am, not how great God is.
* I am a steward of the talents he has given me and the opportunities he has provided for me–including opportunities to develop my resilience.
Jeanne Takenaka
Shirlee, I love and resonate with your thoughts. I’m a firm believer that God knows when we’re ready for the next step/reward/moving forward. I am like you, in that, had things on this journey come too easily, I would have given myself credit, rather than God. Then, when the tough stuff came (as it does for every writer), it would have hit me so much harder because i wouldn’t have learned the necessity of depending on God for each step of the journey.
Wendy L Macdonald
Shirlee, I’m always blessed by your comments on this blog. You remind me of Ruth Bell Graham in the way you say so much in so few words. Wise women.
Lara Hosselton
The fuel that keeps my fire of resilience burning is knowing and also believing that God sparked the first flame. Who am I to pour the water of self pity on the torch God directs me to carry.
Shirlee Abbott
Amen!
Jenni Brummett
Conviction that God lit the match really is key. So well expressed, Lara.
Lara Hosselton
Becky, I think ten years amounts to baby steps in the life of a writer, so take heart. Just remember you don’t have to look back to know how far you’ve traveled.
Becky McCoy
Thanks, Lara. My writing life has only just started this year, but life has been full of resilience-building challenges until now. Thanks for the encouragement to keep going.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
Paul Fussel, who served as an infantry officer in Europe during 1944-5, wrote in his book “Wartime” that a combat infantryman goes through three stages of life –
1) It (death or dismemberment) can’t happen to me.
2) It CAN happen to me, unless I ‘outsmart’ it.
3) It WILL happen to me, unless I find some way to get away from here.
* While combat is far removed from writing, physical courage and resilience seem to be closely linked; you have an initial ;bank account’, and when it’s gone, it’s gone. Fussel estimated the useful ‘combat life’ at 90 days, after which a man became ineffective.
* You can’t really build physical courage; when I was a child I was ashamed at being able to jump from a high diving board at the community pool, so I practiced by jumping off a second-story roof onto the ground. Shame drove me to deal with the fear, but my fear did not decrease. There was merely something worse than fear, the shame from which I fled.
* One may be able to build resilience through some simple methods; the may not add much, but they could be worth trying –
1) Learn to control emotions through their outward display. Practice speaking slowly and mildly when there’s NO tension; do it often enough and you’ll be able to do this in a crisis.
2) Banish sad songs, sad movies, and cynical quotations from your surroundings. Take their references out of your internal monologue.
3) Read Paul’s epistles often. Remember that he was a very real, and human man, and often doubted his own ability.
4) Try to spend time outdoors every day, in a calm milieu. Sunlight and fresh air, or at least just the fresh air if you happen to live in Oregon, helps to make the world look better.
* As for my own resilience, As options decrease and the world narrows to something like an open furnace-door, I can only go day-by-day, or even hour-by-hour. Surviving as a writer is no longer the issue; simply surviving is.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
In thinking about Fussel’s stages, above, I would postulate that the aspiring writer goes through something similar.
1) I will be successful
2) I may be successful, if I work hard at my craft and network vigorously (including developing the requisite social media skills).
3) It’s not going to happen, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
* I’m at the third stage; my ‘career’ as a novelist will remain largely a blank. That’s not said to garner sympathy, but to emphasize this –
*That even when resilience is gone, one still has skills that can be used. I can write my blog, I can leave encouraging comments for others, I can contribute to the community even though my heart may no longer be in it.
* There’s a personal parallel here, that quite defines what I’m trying to say. I was up with sick dogs through the night. It wasn’t easy. But they had nowhere else to go when they came here, and it’s their needs, their dependence, that make life not only worth living, but make my best efforts mandatory.
* The flower of resilience is thus watered by the blood and sweat of duty.
Shelli Littleton
And it’s sometimes when we give up, when we come to the end of ourselves, that the most amazing things happen. Maybe not what we thought or had hoped … but something to help everything make sense. 🙂 A reminder that God had us in the palm of His hand.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
Let go, and let God, Shelli? 🙂
Peter
A great work by Hersey and Blanchard, predicts that our first blush at any endeavor will be filled with wide-eyed, “I know I can, I know I can” passion. The next phase of learning brings us to a breakdown: the realization of how little we really know and how tough it really is. As we sag from “I know I can” to “I think I can” to “I can’t, I can’t”, we reach a place of vital reality, where passion (that kind of passion anyway) matters less than learning. As we gain vital lessons from our fall to such dismal depths, the knowledge thus gained will fuel a new, more realistic passion, until we have both knowledge and passion in sync. That must necessarily take time and the journey to that needs good counselors who understand the value of situational leadership. The last phase exits the curve that takes us to publishing and enters a new storm: the journey through post-publishing, promotion, distribution, etc. Faith is not passion. Faith is real and sustainable, but un-blooded passion can drive us headlong into living-room obstacles like unguided toddlers. Mature passion, birthed out of learning what does and doesn’t work, is really faith or as Paul taught, “Faith comes from hearing” i.e. it is not a mindless can do feeling, something that is all too soon found out. Faith is the expression of a mature relationship in God where trust has grown into the substance that will carry us to our personal promised land.
David Todd
I’m at the third stage as well, Andrew. Also not said looking for sympathy.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
I hear you, David. But let’s keep on showing up to encourage the others, deal? Your comments always get a second and third read from me; you’re a smart and decent guy.
Jeanne Takenaka
Andrew, such good thoughts. Your perspective on resilience and your suggestions for nurturing it, building good self-discipline (with words, what we listen to, etc) in the non-tense times makes so much sense.
*And this? “The flower of resilience is thus watered by the blood and sweat of duty.” So well put.
Rachelle Gardner
Oh Peter, that story is terrible! But what a lesson. Thank you for sharing it.
Rachelle Gardner
Andrew, you’re a daily inspiration for us here on the blog, but on a deeper level than “inspiration,” you’re a constant picture of faith and resilience. We appreciate your wisdom so much! I love these four “simple methods” too. Great advice. I particularly like “spend time outdoors” which is my personal method of being my best self.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
Rachelle, thank you for this; you’ve made a difference to me today. It’s always a privilege to be a part of this community, and I thank God daily for all of you in the Books and Such family; staff, clients, and those who visit this place.
Shelli Littleton
“Don’t linger too long in setbacks” … I like that, Rachelle. It’s okay to feel the pain, but then resort to Plan B! 🙂 Which may very well be God’s Plan A for you. Trusting God has your back and will guide you, often through setbacks, helps to keep your chin up.
peter
Rachelle, I sense you have plumbed some depths, hence you insights. It has endowed meaningful empathy. My quote now: Rockerfeller said, “If success is all you seek, you will never find it”. As you say, we must be guided by something of higher merit.
Hannah Vanderpool
It will sound trite, maybe, but what helps to keep my disappointments in perspective is to think about how soon I’ll be gone and forgotten. The Psalmist asks the Lord to, “teach us to number our days.” I think this means that we’re to have a realistic idea of what we can/should accomplish in the time we’ve been given and to not take ourselves too seriously. After all, our great-grandchildren (and certainly their children) won’t remember who we are, but God will. Have we lived for Him? Have we done the small, secret things He asked of us? Will He say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”? Then we have been successful. Our writing is, or should be, only ever an outflow of whom we belong to. That’s freeing.
Jeanne Takenaka
Hannah, I love what you said. What matters most is have we done what God’s given us to do? I’m so with you in that, when we know to Whom we belong, then we’re freed up to write, or whatever He’s given us to do.
*Great thoughts. 🙂
Jeanne Takenaka
I find my resilience growing the longer I walk this writing road. But, resilience was nurtured before I ever became brave enough to type the first words of my first manuscript.
*One of the most impacting seasons of my life was our years of walking through infertility. It was in that season where I came to understand faith, God’s love for me, and the beauty that comes through His sovereignty.
*That being said, I’ve learned who I am to Him. And I’ve seen His presence and HIs faithfulness in other areas of my life. When the disappointments come, I feel the pain of them. But I don’t stay there. I come back to the fact that God knows the plans He has for me. He’s given me a love for writing. And He knows what He wants to do with “my” writing. When I am yielded to Him, and when I’m depending on Him, He refreshes, encourages and gives me what I need to take the disappointments in stride, learn from them and grow beyond them.
Wendy L Macdonald
“But I don’t stay there.” Wise words, Jeanne.
Meghan Carver
Rachelle, your timing is perfect for me today and I suspect for many others as well. Thank you for that shot of encouragement today. Saving this for future reference, when my resilience begins to sag…again.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
There’s another tactic in maintaining resilience, though I kind of hate to say it – and that is to avoid people who discourage you, even when that discouragement is offered in the spirit of compassion.
* Pulling out a personal anecdote – of which I have far too many – in this last and increasingly unpleasant illness, I have people around me (including medical professionals) who see increasing debility, and say, “Well, we expect that, and it’s going to get worse, but we understand, I know you can’t do much, and will be able to do even less soon, and it’s OK.”
* The words are said in an attempt to comfort, to let me know that well, the things I can no longer do, the duties…they’ll be taken up by others. One can’t really be resentful.
* But there is damage done, and over a period of time it saps one’s strength. A small victory for me is seen by others as just a part of the slide…because that win is far less than I could manage, a year ago. What value is that victory then? What value in even mentioning it, when it’ll be used as evidence against?
* For a writer, the analogy would be friends or family who offer consolation like, “Well, writing is hard…the publishing game is so difficult…you’re really got to have connections…it’s OK to fail…you’ve done your best…” And so on.
* Again, it’s well-meant, but how much more helpful would be, “You’ve got a valuable message, and a strong voice…you’ll get there, I KNOW you will…”
* And the most important, if followed-through…
“HOW CAN I HELP YOU?”
Shirlee Abbott
What I CAN do always trumps what I CAN’T do.
Norma Brumbaugh
I find it disappointing w hen I read Christian authors who let their discouragement with the low money, low recognition and hours of (unpaid) effort write a blog piece that is, in essence, a whine about the unfairness of it all. Some are successful in my book…but they are not as successful as those with big name recognition. They are looking at that, and they feel they are wasting their time. But are they? My take on it? We have a calling. Just like a missionary, we are to be faithful to that calling, whether we see the results in this lifetime or not. We must keep our gaze fixed on Christ and all will be well. It helps to have a group of praying friends to support our efforts. That way, we are less likely to throw in the towel when the going gets rough.
Becky McCoy
Yes! Eternal perspective is so important. A great reminder that we don’t always get to determine or measure success in our lifetime.
Rachelle Gardner
Yes Norma, the funny thing about resilience is that it’s often built in the aftermath of discouragement and whining. 😉 You are so right – keep our gaze in the right direction!
Jennifer Zarifeh Major
18 years ago, I sneezed and the long and short of it is, the force of the sneeze combined with my bad posture resulted in the rupturing of the tissue between L2 and L3.
I instantly lost function in both legs. I was 6 weeks pregnant. There was nothing anyone could do, other than chiropractic work, and physio therapy.
The spinal nerve damage was so bad that I still cannot feel most of the surface of both legs. Both feet have serious nerve damage.
Some days, the pain is so bad, I cannot walk, or breathe.
I refuse to let that event stop me from living.
If people heap on the pity, I simply say “Thanks, but I can walk.”
Life often demands more from some, too much from others, and far too little for the precious few who think a flat tire is absolute hell.
Choosing to remain resilient is like a step along a path. Add those steps up, and you’ve gone farther than you thought possible.
Rachelle Gardner
Jennifer, you are the very picture of resilience. Thank you for your story.
Kristen Joy Wilks
This is very interesting because I just attended a writing retreat in October that pretty much focused on this. What is our motivation to write? Who are we and how can we bring our passion to the page. It was with Mick Silva and was wonderful. Really made me think and pause in my writing. I think it is important to make sure that this piece of ourselves that we are throwing out into the sea of humanity for others to see is something we want representing us, our lives, our hopes and dreams and values. which for me might mean that the heroine has to have her grandmother’s dead cat stuffed in 2 days or lose her home…but even amid the humor, there should be some of the more serious side of me as well, my passions and hurts and triumphs among my silliness. I think when you put your passion to the page, tweaked for your audience and what they want too, you will be resilient.
Rachelle Gardner
Kristen, you’re so right, resilience is closely tied to our motivation. Glad that retreat was so helpful for you! (I’m a fan of Mick’s 🙂 )
Jenni Brummett
It’s not a mistake that I started to write again at the same time a whirlwind of emotional pain entered my life.
Some days I find it very difficult to meet the deadlines I’ve set for myself when worry blindsides me. But more times than I probably even realize writing has saved me. It’s highlighted truth as I walk with my characters through their own struggles. It’s made me more compassionate to the pain others carry. I’m grateful.
Wendy L Macdonald
Jenni, I can relate to this, “It’s made me more compassionate to the pain others carry.” Writing is so much more than words on a page.
Shelli Littleton
Yes, Jenni … writing can be so healing even to ourselves. 🙂
Rachelle Gardner
Sounds like resilience to me. 🙂
Cortez Law III
I echo the words in this article: “So the way you develop resilience is to go back to your values and your purpose, again and again.” For me even now, reading this article and commenting on it is a part of that. Oh yeah, the rest of that paragraph isn’t so bad either. Thanks, Rachelle.
Rachelle Gardner
Thanks, Cortez!
Wendy L Macdonald
I love this timely post, Rachelle.
One of the ways I developed more resilience was through a decade of infertility. Using EPTs was a lot like checking your e-mail for a response to a submission.
Last night one of my sons and I were driving around town so he could practice up for his second driving test (failed the 1st one over small stuff). We discussed how failure can strengthen us. It’s important to point out that he was the one speaking words of wisdom. I was gleaning from the research he’d done in response to his own situation. We agreed that the recent “failures” we’d both experienced were stepping stones to maturity if we reacted with courage and resolve rather than self-pity.
When victory does come, it’s going to be good. I remember the EPT test that announced my firstborn’s existence. Sweeter than sweet.
I can’t parallel park anymore. My son’s a pro at it. Sure hope I never have to take another driving test. Yikes! I’d rather write.
Blessings ~ Wendy
Shelli Littleton
I love that, Wendy. Something similar happened to us … on the parallel parking. The poles that my daughter (and I) had practiced on were moved–re-positioned–the day of her test. It really threw my daughter for a loop. The take-away … we need to be able to persevere regardless. 🙂
Rachelle Gardner
Such an important conversation Wendy – how failure can strengthen us. Only if we intentionally use it to grow, however! We could also choose to let it weaken us.
Karen Whiting
Resilience is another word for creativity. I change things up all the time. I also know that Abraham knew his calling to be a father but waited many years for it to happen and even tried to force it his way (we’re still living with the consequences of that). I’m thankful that in changes and resilience with creativity my book for boys found a home after eleven years (and getting a co-author) and ended up better than I had envisioned it. So, don’t give up if God called you.
Rachelle Gardner
I like that connection between resilience and creativity. Great way to look at it!
Luisette
I have felt disappointments and felt on occasions that I was pursuing a wrong dream until I had to bring it to Jesus. And the Lord asked me if I was writing for Him or for fame and publishing houses. I had to think deep and readjust my priorities. Have self-published 14 books since then and perfectly happy. Want to move to the next step now, to be published but I am afraid of all the rejections probably. Good to read your piece! And be prepared to bounce back! Great prospect. Thanks.
Rachelle Gardner
Luisette, we never know whether we have resilience – or have a chance to build it – until we put ourselves out there. You can do it!
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
When you run into a solid wall across your path, resilience can be the decision to take another route to another destination.
Rachelle Gardner
Oooh, I love that, Andrew.
Janet Ann Collins
I’d love to make a lot of money with my writing, but I learned that a newspaper article and book I wrote each made big difference in the life of someone who read them. That’s why I write.
Carol Ashby
I think patience and resilience are two sides to the same coin. The best way I’ve found to develop resilience is to experience setbacks and even failures. Muscles only get stronger when you work them. I worked for years as a research scientist, and there is a very good reason it’s called re-search. The first experiments often don’t work the way you expect and sometimes they don’t work at all. Then a major course change is needed. When you’re working at the cutting edge, you’re bound to get a few cuts. Then you analyze what when wrong and try again in a new way or a different direction. I always tell my kids they haven’t really failed until they quit trying.
When I entered last year’s Genesis contest, I learned I was writing in the archaic omniscient narrator style that publishers don’t want. Major setback? Well, yes, but the three plots are sound so I’m just rewriting everything in the limited third person that’s the style of the day. Resilience comes partly from recognizing what is good and keeping it as you work to replace the not-so-good with something better. Sometimes someone telling you that what you’re doing isn’t what the market wants is a real gift. I want the novels to touch people at a deep level, and the new style should do that better. I’m very thankful for the honest opinions of the judges.
The driver that now pushes me past frustration with setbacks is knowing my stories have the potential to inspire someone wrestling with how to remain faithful to God and even with whether to believe when choosing Jesus above all else carries high-stakes consequences. I truly believe God called me into writing these types of stories a little over two years ago, and I’ll keep plugging away until I figure out how to get them out where they can serve their purpose. When God calls, He trains and equips. I need to accept what He uses to train me, and keep on working unless He withdraws the call.
Shirlee Abbott
“Re-search.” Thank you, Carol. You doubled the meaning with a single hyphen!