Blogger: Rachelle Gardner
As an agent, I spend a lot of time talking writers through the obstacles and difficulties — both tangible and emotional — of a publishing career. We make important decisions together and solve problems.
One thing that persistently thwarts a writer’s ability to stay positive and optimistic is the tendency to see a set of facts and then construct a “story” from those facts — a story that isn’t objectively true.
Like a set of blocks that can be used to build an infinite number of structures, a set of facts can be interpreted in numerous ways (although with the facts, some interpretations are correct and others aren’t.)
Here are some examples to illustrate what I mean:
Scenario #1:
Fact: An unpublished author has been querying agents for a couple of years with no success.
Story: “I’m a terrible writer and will never be published.” Alternate story: “The publishing industry is full of idiots who can’t recognize a good book.”
More positive and probably truer stories: “I haven’t yet hit my stride as a writer,” or “I haven’t yet found the right outlet to publish my work.”
* * *
Scenario #2:
Fact: A published author is notified that their publisher doesn’t want to renew their contract.
Story: “My writing career is over.”
A better story: “It’s time for me to talk with a trusted adviser (my agent), see if we can identify the reason for this change, and come up with a new plan for continuing my writing career.”
* * *
Scenario #3:
Fact: An author has received news from the agent that a publisher has agreed to buy their book; but a month later, there is still no contract.
Story: “The publisher is going to change their mind! I’d better panic!”
The true story: “Publishers sometimes take an unreasonably long time to generate a contract, and once the agent receives the contract, the negotiation process can take days or weeks. There is no reason to panic. It is exceedingly rare for a publisher to make an offer on a book, then pull the offer before contract.”
When faced with a set of facts, we tend to tell a story that’s negative rather than positive. Perhaps we’re trying to keep from getting our hopes up.
We also tend to construct a story that confirms something we already believe — or at least suspect is true. Since virtually all writers suspect they’re no good and will never find success in publishing, be aware that your tendency will be to create a negative story that confirms your probable lack of success as a writer.
The fact vs. story test can be applied to countless situations. If you find yourself frustrated about the path you’re on or something that has happened, simply ask yourself: What are the facts of this situation? And what is the story I’ve constructed? Could there possibly be a different story that is more true than the one I’m believing?
If you find yourself making up a negative story because you honestly don’t know a truer or more positive story, take the time to think about it, ask questions, do some digging and try to find a better answer.
What false stories have you constructed for yourself lately? What were the facts that led you there? What’s a better story you can tell?
Tweetables
When faced with a set of facts, we tend to construct a story that’s negative rather than positive. Click to Tweet.
What false stories have you constructed for yourself lately? Click to Tweet.
I am a story teller. It is so easy to build a story that ascribes unkind motives to others. God has shown me how to build a story of grace, to be generous in my assumptions about other people. It costs me nothing but a bit of imagination, and the payoff is wonderful. I like them better, and I find that they often live up to my happier expectations.
That’s what I like about this blog–the insight into everyone’s story. I see joys and struggles, perseverance and encouragement, success and do-overs. I see stories of grace.
This is so wise– “I am a story teller. It is so easy to build a story that ascribes unkind motives to others. God has shown me how to build a story of grace, to be generous in my assumptions about other people.” — and something I needed to read this morning. Thank you.
Beautiful, truth-filled words, Shirlee!
“I don’t have proper balance.” I keep thinking that. The facts: I don’t enjoy cooking, but I never really have. But I’m not putting enough time into it. I’m not putting enough time into keeping the house clean. Though it’s clean and can be straightened in a matter of minutes, I’m definitely not what I used to be. In other words, I’m not solely that homemaker that I used to be. When everyone is watching a movie together in the evening, and it’s not very interesting, I’d rather be reading, writing, or editing, and my mind may be deep in a story plot. Where I used to enjoy taking walks, I have to force myself now. I think I have an internal battle going on, and I need to work it out. Maybe I need to pull the reins a little tighter, but I think I also need to go easy on myself and realize that life has different seasons, full of different interests. And it’s okay to enjoy the moment and where I am today. It’s okay to change.
Shelli, it is good to figure that out at a young age. We are always changing, but we can choose to assign a negative or positive judgment to that change. It is not about perfection, but about the heart.
I find that it helps to know that I am at the place where God has placed me, and all I need to do is look around me. I will find a way to serve and a way to bless others. If I do that, I don’t let the rest of it bug me.
By the way – it is good for the rest of us to know that you are human. You are, after all, our daily cupcake of sweetness!
“You are, after all, our daily cupcake of sweetness!”
Isn’t she, though?!
Aw, Sheila, Jennifer, thank you. You are all family. I can’t wait to read your words and advice, perspective each day. I am in a place where God has placed me … I love that. Writing is like a cupcake of sweetness, too … I’m so loving this place I’m in … and want to delve into it with hands, fork, and spoon, guilt free! 🙂
“I also need to go easy on myself and realize that life has different seasons…”
Yes, you do. And you must remember that as your little sailboat tacks between Shelli Before and Shelli Now, that the whole Littleton crew has to see, accept and then adjust to the new direction.
And that is not a bad thing. When my kids started to see the work I put in to writing, they met a new person. They didn’t just see “Mom”, they saw “Mom the Writer”. One night, one of my sons hovered around me as I worked and started asking questions. It was interesting and really sweet to see him come to the realization that his mother, who until then had a very defined and predictable life, was suddenly flying off to New Mexico to visit abandoned prison camps and talk to Native Americans.
That his Mom climbed fences to get into…places… was never once on the family agenda.
And that was the day I think he realized that his Mother was not all that he thought she was.
Sometimes, change means removing the safety of what we cling to, and taking a leap.
That’s sweet, Jennifer. I love hearing about your son’s interest. As my little sailboat tacks between the Shelli Before and the Shelli Now … I love that. Goose bumps. 🙂
Shelli, I suspect most of us are trying to find balance. Don’t look too closely at my home. There are dust bunnies and piles throughout the house. That garden I keep saying I’m going to start? It’s currently laying fallow. I think, when we begin walking the writing journey, our priorities shift. Family still comes first, but in our determination to carve out time, other things slide. 🙂 At least that’s my reality.
I completely agree with you that there are times to go easy on ourselves. Life has a way of forcing us to choose perfection or grace. I’m learning to choose grace more often. And I love your closing line: “And it’s okay to enjoy the moment and where I am today. It’s okay to change.” So true!
Jeanne, I used to always try to have the house really clean on Fridays, so the weekend would be free. Now … Saturday mornings seem to be a nice time to clean. Everyone’s home, it’s not a good writing time, etc. 🙂
Shelli, I tell people that I am a woman of many talents, and cooking isn’t one of them (my husband told the youth group that my cooking is “adequate;” he is right). The way I see it, I have given my daughters-in-law a gift: when my sons say “this isn’t the way Mom used to make it,” it is a compliment.
Oh, Shirlee, you have made me smile and laugh out loud! I love that Beth Moore openly and unashamedly claims that she can’t cook, though she has a few things she can make well. That is freedom! Freedom for me. 🙂 “Adequate” … that had me rolling, Shirlee. And I can make some good food, a few good things … but I just don’t like to. 🙂 And I do love to bake … but I get stifled on that cause no one needs the calories. Pooh!
Rachelle,
Thanks! Just last week I quit writing. I decided to move on – no more spinning my wheels, pretending I was something that I was not.
Then my daughter sat me down for a good pep talk. When it was all done, I was back at the keyboard, pushing on.
As my husband said, “Well, you didn’t reeeaaalllly quit.” (I did apply for a job – now I am not sure what to do if they call.)
Pretending to be something we’re not. We must all think that at one point or another. I know I have. Or reaching for something I’ll never touch. 🙂
Sheila, I’ve decided to quit writing. Many times. 🙂 But somehow, God always encourages me somehow and I’m drawn back to it. 🙂
Glad to find out I’m not the only one whose ‘quit.’ Also glad that you didn’t reallly quit, Sheila. Keep going!
*who’s quit, not ‘whose’ quit. Oh my, I feel like I just failed the 5th grade. 🙂
Sometimes I find myself thinking, “Thirty-seven is too old to try to build something like a writing career.” I’ve got three kids I homeschool and I travel quite a bit. Life is jam-packed, and now this. I feel like I should have gotten started fifteen years ago.
Nonononono! Do not go there!! I started at 48 and kick myself at least once a week for not starting sooner.
If all you can do now is less than you want to be doing, at least you’re DOING it!
Y hermana, bienvenida a ma vida loca. 😉
Gracias. 😀
Hannah, I think that all the time, too. Hey … I’m 46! It’s kind of nice to think that the journey God has had us each on, through the years, has led us all to this point in time together. We’ve met. Right here on B&S blog.
That’s true and I’m thankful for that. God knows better than I do.
I will be 37 next month and I have 3 kids (all boys) we have a lot in common, except that I almost did start 15 years ago, it is actually 14, and have been rejected so so many times. But I am so glad that I am writing. Keep hanging in there. This dream is worth fighting for!
I think one good thing about starting all this later in life is that, A). I’ve lived a little and have some experience behind me, and B). I’ve realized that *what I do is not who I am*. My identity is not, primarily, that of a writer, or even a wife or mother for that matter. My identity is that of a sojourner. I follow Jesus. That’s who I am, that’s the realest, truest thing about me. No book contract is going to change that. Now, I’m going to continue to work at this writing thing, for sure, because I like it, and because I believe I have something to work with. But not because I have to. I don’t. Jesus has already given me what I need for this life and the next. This is what I remind myself when I start feeling weird about the whole writing journey.
It’s easy to get caught up in the “should have” cycle. But we can’t rewind our lives, we can only press onward. When I start thinking I’m behind the curve in starting a career, I imagine another writer who is maybe in her sixties saying to herself, “I should have started fifteen years ago.”
There are plenty of people who achieved their creative goals much later in life than average. Don’t let that negative voice ever tell you that you can’t be one of them.
Hannah,
The feeling that you should have started years ago is no reason to think, “Thirty-seven is too old…” There are some careers where age is a deterrent, but writing is not one of them. What counts is belief in yourself and perseverance. Also, a belief that God gave you something to say and you are the one to say it.
I am 50+, and have been writing off-and-on for quite awhile, though only recently have I been writing for publication. My dream was to write The Great American Novel and make a lot of money. I subscribed to a writing magazine, and reality knocked on my door. I realized my dream wasn’t likely to happen. I believe God changed that dream to this one: to affect my world by writing devotionals to show how and why faith in God matters. That dream is already coming true: The Upper Room, a devotional magazine, accepted a devotional I submitted, and printed it in the current issue. The magazine would like more. The exciting thing for me is that God is working in my little world. I asked some co-workers to read it before I submitted it. I don’t know where these co-workers are spiritually, but I believe the devotional had an impact. They had an interest in it because they work with the person who wrote it.
I am glad I didn’t get serious about writing for publication earlier. When I was younger, I didn’t have any interest in matters of faith. God has given me this little niche, and I am happy in it. It may be that down the road, He’ll change things–that’s up to Him.
Rachelle, One of those scenarios is mine, as you know. Thanks for being there for me. And thanks for sharing this.
My glaring weakness is that I sell myself that I’m exercising patience when I’m procrastinating. Storylines come easy, research is an asset, characterization is based on good psychology, and dialog seems rich. But to no avail. My impatience to send something off to an agent when it’s half-baked and in dire need of expanding and polishing leaves my work a novella instead of a novel. In other words I’m satisfied with 45K words instead of 75, which it should have been. When the rejects come, I crawl back into my inner safety zone and lick my injured ego. Problem is the realization that I’ll never change.
John, I think I often have the opposite problem. I keep wanting to add a word here and there. 🙂 That word count adds up fast.
I’ve continually told myself I’ll never have a good enough platform to snag the interest of an agent or publisher. But when I presented my book contract at Mount Hermon, I was pleasantly surprised to find some interest and learn that my slow and steady work on platform building shows. Thank you for your encouraging words, Rachelle, that remind us to consider a positive slant when our mind tries to go down a different path.
That is encouraging for all of us, Gayla. Thank you.
Hi Gayla,
What a beautiful name!
Never let the enemy kill, steal, or destroy your dream. Congratulations on your book contract! That’s huge. 🙂
Thank you Cynthia. I get a lot of comments about my name. 🙂
I just re-read my comment and it should have said “book proposal” not book contract. I’m hoping for a book contract!
Hi Gayla,
What a beautiful name!
Never let the enemy kill, steal, or destroy your dream. Congratulations on your book contract! That’s huge. 🙂
For years, I told myself I wasn’t creative enough or good enough to actually write a book. I lacked creativity and the knowledge to know how to write well. So, I didn’t even try.
Then, a few years ago (in my mid-forties, I’ll add), God sparked within me the vision for a story. A dear friend pointed me in the direction to begin learning craft. She came alongside me, encouraging and teaching me. And, I became connected in places like this one. This has made a huge difference in my life.
My husband and kids support this journey, even though it sometimes means I’m not as available for certain activities. It’s the hardest journey I’ve ever taken, but also one of the most rewarding. There are still struggles and lies I have to combat, and your post today gives the keys for doing this.
Thank you.
Long story, and several (very sad and painful recollections) deleted comments later…here it is…
I belong.
I belong.
And…I belong.
I have earned the right to say I am a writer.
Because I write.
Nobody’s handed me anything, I worked to claim that title.
And I worked very hard.
I’ve learned not to give up, because it’s not the fall that hurts, it’s the landing in the dirt. The pain and disappointment of looking up and seeing the stricken faces of those I love as they realize I got that far up the mountain, and then quit.
The regret and wasting all that effort, time and money to just bail?
When I am weary, it’s best to anchor in and then look down and see how far I’ve come, and let myself rest. That way, I can remind myself how far I’ve come, and that I am strong enough to keep going.
God does not give us the right ropes, only to cut them halfway and laugh as we free fall to disappointment.
Amen and amen.
Jennifer, you could not be more right.
All of us could do well to remember that writing is what makes us writers, not sales, awards, etc.
Writing.
So beautifully said, Jennifer.
So true, but with so much rejection in our lives as writers and with so much to learn about the craft it is easy to think that our writing sucks. And lets face it, at first it did. Who am I to say that it doesn’t now? We tend to wait for an outside source to let us know when we have passed that milestone into the “good writing zone”. That’s why getting an agent or a contract feels so important. We need someone to let us know if we are moving forward. Good warning, Rachelle. It is valuable to take a step back and wonder if we are telling ourselves a tale.
Several posts this week have been prompting the ‘who am I?’ question. When I hear a negative answer, I struggle to convince myself that it’s my Inner Critic responding, not God’s voice.
I’ve been writing for much of my life (and it’s already a long life — you 40+ year olds are just babies), but not striving very hard for publication. At times the I.C. taunts that I’m not a serious writer, I’m just dabbling, a hobbyist. It doesn’t matter what she says, however, because it can’t deter me from writing. I love writing. I’m a storyteller and, published or unpublished, I’ll continue to write. If nothing else, I’m stubborn. LOL.
I haven’t been called a baby in so long. Thank you, Carol!! 🙂 Yes, that inner critic can be brutal. 🙂
Tweeted and shared.These are words so many of us need to hear, and hang onto. Bless you for writing them.
Rachelle,
Thanks so much for your perspective. It is so easy to fall for the negative, false stories, than to search for the truer ones.
We are talking about life today. I had to laugh, I could relate to the ongoing thread of comments. I’ve had my challenges, my youngest daughter was born when I was 42, somehow I survived the confusion of a career, being trust into single parenting of five children when she was three and the others were 11, 15, 17, and 19. It was a hard go, dealing with rejection and divorce, managing a struggling teaching career, leading women’s ministry, and always wishing at becoming a writer “someday.” Well, the “someday” came with the gift of vanity publishing…I learned tons and said good-bye to tons ($$$). Life teaches us. Negative messages are crippling, but positive messages (with God’s help) sustain our equilibrium. I like the balance of ideas in Rachelle’s post. It gives perspectives where I get confused. Wonderful.
Oh, I’m so guilty! And the thing about being a writer is the tendency to do this in multiple areas of life.
The story that some would have me believe is that I am fading fast, and need to accept that reality.
I was never much good at accepting reality, and I’m gonna blow through the pain and heartbreak like it ain’t there. Ducemus – we lead!
So good to see you back, Andrew.
Thank you, Rachelle! As I read this post I realized that I didn’t just need this message for my writing life; I needed it for life in general.
Excellent article – Right on!
And I know this because I’ve lived this writing life for more than twenty years and I’ve told myself all of the fictional tales laid out above and then discovered the true story.
These days I’m more relaxed and feel more comfortable working while waiting on the Lord. He knows what’s ahead and why. I can trust him.