Blogger: Rachelle Gardner
Lately I’ve had several conversations with people wondering about the value of social media. There are so many upsides, but we wonder… do the disadvantages outweigh the benefits?
♦ I’ve heard people joke about their perfect yet largely fictitious Facebook personas. Many of us are expending valuable energy creating whole lives and personalities for ourselves online—not that we’re making things up, but we’re carefully curating what we want to put out there. I’m beginning to wonder what this might be costing us in terms of both time and mental energy.
♦ Many people are using social media to promote their beliefs—religious, social, or political. It seems to create an environment ripe for conflict. And even when there’s no conflict, it can feel like an assault if you’re scrolling through your feeds encountering nothing but passionate rants, one after the other.
♦ More and more, our social media presence can be used against us. Readers criticize authors for spending too much time on Twitter when they’re supposed to be writing that long-awaited next book. Authors criticize agents for writing too many blog posts and tweets rather than responding to their queries. An editor may post about taking a vacation, but heaven forbid somebody out there is waiting for an answer from that editor—how DARE they take a vacation when they owe me something?
♦ Lately it seems even the most innocuous comment can incite scathing insults from complete strangers. The extent to which people lose their filters when interacting online is downright scary. Nobody has ever criticized me to my face — or even directly in writing — as cruelly as I have experienced on social media.
No matter how carefully we manage our social media presence, we can run into problems because of it. There’s a downside to being so “transparent” online, as misleading as that apparent “transparency” is.
What do you think? Have you experienced this from either side? Have you responded negatively to someone’s Twitter post because you don’t think that person is spending their time doing what YOU think they should do? Have you had someone criticize you because of something you said on social media?
Are we all just too available and open for criticism here?
TWEETABLES
Does social media leave us over-exposed? Agent @RachelleGardner wants to know. Click to Tweet.
“More and more, our social media presence can be used against us.” Thoughts from agent @RachelleGardner. Click to Tweet.
Image copyright: auremar / 123RF Stock Photo
peter
Rachelle, you have a delightful way of presenting topical stuff in an open-ended way. Whether consciously done or not, you do stimulate a lot of thought and often seem to highlight more ambiguous issues that are, to my mind, the bigger, albeit less obvious issues. Anyway, you make a good point. I do personally avoid, as far as possible, anything that is contentious and I avoid known minefields (e.g. gender issues, eschatology, contentious doctrines, etc). I like to inspire and challenge, but I weigh up what I am saying to avoid being provocative. I love a good debate, don’t get me wrong, but there is a world of difference between a constructive debate and a slanging match. I have had my moments with contentious souls and I work with them to a point, but then I invoke Paul’s principle by having no more to do with them and I do so with a gentle “agree to disagree” and a quiet de-linking of the relationship. However, I do that more to protect what I am trying to achieve than to save myself from personal stress. My public will pull away if my sites become hotbeds of contention. Indeed, a news site with massive readership, recently took the step of removing comments, because trolls had ruined it for all, but they balanced that by allowing formal articles that have to then compete against others in the same subject realm, to eliminate rants. Bottom line: I learnt long ago that God is rarely in the extremes, almost always in the balance. I know you are not advocating “no social media activity”, but your cautions are fair and challenge us to find the right balance between “a presence” and “too much of a presence”.
peter
I might add that I have met those rare, elusive souls who somehow keep rising above reproach. I have met them in business, church, social media and in the public discourse. They never hit back (that just takes the bait and brings on the opposition), they never publicly criticize others (I so, so try to avoid that – being in disagreement does not mean I am right or that I have a right to change others), and they avoid contentious issues – yet are effective, courageous and always able to win over their detractors. Its a great skill. I have met others who are forever on a mission to push a point, to change the world singlehandedly, to take on those who aren’t doing it right (as though they have that right) and who inevitably come across as having all the goodies – they lope from trouble to trouble and for all their passion, generally don’t progress much. Therein lies the difference between an effective and non-effective social media strategy. I was more the latter and still tend to feel emotional so often have to rein it in, but I am finding more and more, that less is more. The more we push our position, the more it pushes us away and the more we engage, the more we get drawn in. One other thing that I think is invaluable – be nice to people. Love your audience. Show appreciation. Acknowledge their views. Affirm them. It costs nothing to be nice to them, but it pays well.
Rachelle Gardner
Peter, thanks for the compliments and I appreciate your wisdom here! Like you, I love a good debate — but a “good” debate is rarely to be had on social media, is it? I believe, like you said, that God is in the balance.
Becky McCoy
I haven’t had any negative responses, but I’m feeling like it’s only a matter of time as my following grows.
*That said, I keep my posts (both on my personal and professional pages) focused on encouraging people to live authentically through good times and struggle, so I hope that my posts are connecting people, not dividing them.
Shirlee Abbott
Interesting questions, Rachelle, ones I ponder often.
* Add the goal of a wider social media circle to the goal of keeping my time on social media within limits (so that it doesn’t take over my life). What I get is a nanosecond of connection. Can hundreds of nanosecond-relationships outbalance 20 minutes spent on a hand-written note to a dear and distant friend? Or a phone call? Or coffee at the diner?
* The goal of my writing is to draw people into an intimate relationship with Christ. Can that be done in the flash of a FB post? Does the forum contradict the message?
* Jesus spent three years out of eternity in ministry on earth. He taught the multitudes, and yet he always had time for the face-to-face encounter. What would Jesus do? Would he blog, tweet and LIKE?
Becky Jones
Rachelle, thank you.
And yes.
Social media so often sap us. Leave us over-exposed and overwhelmed and exhausted.
We were not built to be celebrities, to be brands…I know that we, as writers, are supposed offer a branded voice and a consistent kind of content, but the truth is, no one can live up to her own hype. We ourselves are not our books and not our brand, at least not totally. And to have to be vulnerable 24/7, and accessible, and intelligent and insightful and full of must-read content at all moments is impossible, and maybe even a bit vain and presumptuous? To think we always have something to say? To not curate our thoughts and select the best of the best of the best to build others? We need to ask this: are our souls really built for platforms? What havoc does attention and popularity and crowds have on our hearts? Didn’t Jesus always retreat from crowds to find stillness? Why do we think we need to robo-tweet, to be perennially available and funny and witty?
I keep seeing booming fresh voices rise, and rile, and revolutionize, and then gain a large and cushy audience–the hallowed platform–and then so many of them do this: they they turn on the spigot and start selling e-courses and, literally, even discounts on dish soap. I have seen voices that so thrive on political controversy and picking at loose threads that they must always maintain an undercurrent of anger, because that’s the brand: roving reporter crusading for content. They are fraying the church with their sideshows. Building a circus of secondary-things. Surely this says something not about these great big people, but about how new media threaten to tame is and water us down, sometimes even hijacking our first loves.
Really.
They deaden our ability to be real and dimensional and honest with others. With ourselves.
I think these are questions that need to be asked and asked and asked again. Thank you for starting a conversation here, especially among writers. I can’t wait to see what others write.
Dave
I think retweets are often the biggest source of disappointment for me in terms of professionalism. People quote others that they would never quote in real life. A friend of mine kept liking posts on Facebook that were actually linked to an anarchy group. Sure, it took a bit of effort to realize that, but did she really want that three-degree relationship?
I did send one e-mail to an agent (not angry, just voicing disapproval) that I thought a specific retweet source was unprofessional. They were supposedly humorous tweets that belittled a subset of women using curse words. Hardly appropriate for someone representing children’s authors IMO.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
I used to think that the freedom people felt to attack online was a function of perceived anonymity, but it seems to be something else…the perception that an open mike to a potentially unlimited audience confers almost a responsibility to make oneself heard. And it carries over into personal contact
* Not too long ago, in a Christian setting, I expressed the fear and sorrow that are shredding my soul and character under personally trying circumstances. Sometimes you don’t ‘get through this’, to paraphrase the title of Max Lucado’s new book. There are things out there that will destroy you.
* For this, I received Christian Chastisement, that I should focus on the glories of the life to come, and not feel sorrow for what is left behind. Maybe I deserved this for being weak in faith, and in showing doubt through tears and desperation.
* I can understand, I think, the wherefore of the answers…that it was perceived as bracing, and it gave these individuals the chance to witness their own faith (which begged the mean-spirited question left unsaid, Wanna trade?)
* For all that, it was surprising, because I did not need correction at that moment. I needed a friend to stand at the foot of my cross, and hurt along with me.
Jeanne Takenaka
Andrew, I am sorry people felt the need to chasten you for being vulnerable about “where you’re at.” I’m sorry they missed the intent of your words, your heart.
Becky McCoy
Isn’t it unfortunate that people forget God created to experience a full range of emotions? *Unfortunately, people don’t know how to comfort grief (of any kind) unless they’ve experienced a deep loss themselves. I’ve been trying to figure out how to address this (gently) on my blog and am stuck. The number of unhelpful comments that come from helpful intentions is astounding.
Becky Jones
Amen, Becky. Amen. It’s a club with such a steep entrance fee. 🙁
peter
People will always judge from the outside until they walk the same road. Its easy to be idealistic until it happens to us. I too am sorry you got a backhand on this. I think people express themselves remotely because they feel they are more likely to get away with it and can assemble the thoughts supporting their idea, better – it emboldens them. Its not the bravest approach and it rarely does much good, but I see the same nonsense in emails – which is easily diffused by picking up the phone or having a meeting.
Shirlee Abbott
Alongside this, Andrew, is the pickle of short quick responses without the benefit of body language. I read other people’s posts with a preconceived tone that may well be inaccurate. A comment typed with a gentle smile may be read as a smirk. I write humor that the reader doesn’t see. I read sarcasm when the writer is pouring out pain. I re-read some of my own posts and think, “that didn’t come across the way I intended.” But time has slid by and explaining the faulty post would only draw more attention to it.
* I love my internet friends. But I so wish I could sit down and share a cuppa with them (a la Shelli and Jennifer – I enjoyed your face-to-face almost as much as you did).
* You may not see us there, Andrew, but you are surrounded by friends at the foot of your cross.
Shelli Littleton
Andrew … you are loved.
Norma Brumbaugh
Jesus was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief.
-People need to be validated, not chastised for being human.
-Our voices are amplified as we go through the fire of circumstance. Andrew, you are wrestling with the heart of the very essence of living, those times when it’s not easy or kind. Yet you carry on. The critiscm is denying the reality that Christians struggle, and we struggle with hard questions i.e. Is God good. What we believe and what we experience may clash at some point. As we grapple with this collision on our heart, we will find truth in the end. The refiner’s fire purifies. The truth is, we can’t grow if we don’t struggle. It’s part of the human condition.
-When Christianity is used as a club or a scold, it loses its potency and impact. That is one reason so many are repudiating it. We must be real and genuine for the message gets compromised if we fail in this area.
-Now, I hope I have not offended, been too opinionated, or said too much. I confess to a little reacting after reading your (Andrew’s) comment. !!!
-Always know, Andrew, your friends here are in this thing with you, as much as we can be. Bless you.
Jenny Leo
“The number of unhelpful comments that come from helpful intentions is astounding.”
So true, Becky. I’m sure many have come from my own mouth (or keyboard).
Andrew, I’m standing there with you, too.
Rachelle Gardner
Oh Andrew, I hear you. And I cringe because I know what you say is true. While other “trolls” out there will be cruel just because they can, Christians will troll in their own way by trying to set you straight, disallowing your own human suffering and struggle in favor of a platitude that will never help. I’m so sorry that has happened to you. I hope that we, in this little blog community, can stand with you and hurt with you.
Jackie Layton
Andrew, we worship a big God who loves us enough to allow us to be honest about how we feel. You are a wonderful witness to many you cross paths with. You only deserve to be loved. Jesus said the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbor as ourselves.
By the number of comments here, I think there are plenty of us standing at the foot of the cross with you and hurting with you.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
Jackie, to you, Rachelle, and all who have offered support and prayers – not really well enough to say more than a sincere ‘thank you’. And perhaps that is all that needs saying. This is what community is all about.
Jeanne Takenaka
Not to sound all pious, but I try never to respond negatively in a public forum to someone else’s Facebook post, tweet, or blog. The reason being 1) I don’t always know the person in real-life, so I don’t know their full circumstances, 2) I consider it unprofessional to tear down someone else in a public setting like that.
*I have not (yet) had someone respond negatively to one of my Facebook posts, a tweet or a blog post. But, in this climate of “tell all, no matter what,” I’m sure it’s a matter of time.
*I have had someone question my comments a couple times, which opened up dialogue between us. That can be very different from the scathing comments I’ve read on others’ posts, etc. And, it’s a much more respectful way to dialogue a difference of opinion.
Richard Mabry
Rachelle, Great points. Your observation, “Many people are using social media to promote their beliefs,” is spot on. And if you want evidence of the moral decline of America, read the “comments” that follow a story espousing a viewpoint different than that of the commenter. Thanks for sharing.
Elissa
I do not yet have a social media presence. I know I’m supposed to have one. I’m just not one to jump on a bandwagon when I don’t know where it’s going (or what tune to play).
*
I think some of the social media issues are caused by the newness of it all. Humans have had millennia to develop face-to-face social interactions, several hundred years to work on interactions through letters, and just over a century to decide on proper telephone etiquette. All of these have evolved and changed with individual cultures, of course.
*
The world wide web is actually that, and connects many different cultures and outlooks with few filters. Add to that anonymity, and it’s no wonder there are clashes. Eventually, we’ll figure out the best way to conduct electronic interactions. Until then, all we can do as individuals is strive for courtesy at all times and hope it rubs off.
Shelli Littleton
That picture is perfect. I had relatives that actually lived that way. They stayed secluded in their home and peeked out the blinds. Seriously. All I know is that we can’t live in fear.
Sarah Bennett
“No matter how carefully we manage our social media presence, we can run into problems because of it. There’s a downside to being so “transparent” online, as misleading as that apparent “transparency” is.”
This is the crux of the problem for an emerging writer or someone just wanting to write for the love of the craft. It’s the double edged sword of building a platform: get a website, blog and blog often, consistently keep your social media sites up-to-date. For someone who hasn’t been published, it’s like playing chicken with the publishing train, hoping an errant comment doesn’t derail one or both of you. To build a platform online, I have to be available and open to criticism. And it can be a cruel world, even among brothers and sisters.
The upshot is two-fold for me. First, I learn the process and what is expected in this career. Secondly, I have to be able to handle rejection and criticism. Enjoyment of a particular book can be subjective. I adore reading Tolkien while others loathe his long-winded approach to world and character building. I also have made a personal decision that if what I have to comment isn’t nice, then I abide by the childhood saying: I don’t comment at all.
peter
Sarah, perhaps that might be where a source of problems. There is a way to be out there without being too vulnerable. I think God celebrates that, as we are afforded the armor of the Spirit to guard our hearts and minds. There is a sweet-spot in this that is elusive, but worth finding. I can’t really tell you what it is, not even sure I have it myself, but its the kind of intuition that enables great sportsmen to seem unforced and with all the time in the world. Personally, I have been vulnerable, but very selectively so. I was always advised to bare my soul to those that I trust, not just to anyone. This is all more art than science, more caught than taught, but without mistakes you will never get it. Thus, I advocate the same as I do with writing – keep going until it starts to make sense – and it will – you will tip if you persist, but only if you learn the lessons on the way.
Carol Ashby
Where I worked with a security clearance, we were encouraged to minimize our social media activity and exercise great care in what we did post. We were to avoid anything that might invite misinterpretation or express opinions contrary to policy. As an author, I see that I need to shift my attitude about my level of activity but obviously not about content control. While an author Facebook presence is mandatory, I’m thinking it might best be used to redirect readers to my website, where I will have much more control over what gets posted. What are your thoughts about Facebook more as a landing site that redirects to a website than the real conversation point itself? Is that even possible?
A more important thought of a theological nature: If we’re going to be faithful witnesses for Jesus, there are times we can’t hold back from saying and writing things that will upset some people. We’re always supposed to speak the truth in love, with “in love” being absolutely essential. But even when done gently with gracious expressions, i.e., in love, some will be offended. The Gospel naturally offends people who are not ready to believe in Jesus as savior. I can see where trying not to upset anyone who might be a potential reader could lead to compromises in faithfully sharing the Gospel. I never want to do that, even for more Facebook “friends” and greater book sales.
Jen Harwood
I don’t like personal social media very much. I don’t need to read most of what people post about their lives. I also think it crosses dangerous lines in vulnerability (why tell people you are on vacation and that your house is sitting empty? Why let the world know everything about your children?). I do find value in social media that teaches me useful things (which is what I try to center mine on). The written word can come across so differently than the spoken word. I’ve had commenters to my blog tear strips off me without knowing anything about me (other than a bunch of assumptions). I’ve had others come across highly critical only to turn nicer when I responded with openness. I think its a place where the fruits of the Spirit can make a difference. We are not to live like the world, and we should not sound like the world on social media – in particular when we are in a competitive environment. There is a uniquely Christian way to use this tool.
Jasen Flint
Great post. I stopped counting the number of agents I eliminated from my query list because of their obnoxious tweets and FB postings.
Jeanette Hanscome
I’m a terrible debater, and I make a point of not getting political or controvercial online, but I have received negative feedback over, of all things, book recommendations. Once I posted a link to a favorite author’s website and, within minutes, got comments from friends who felt the need to warn me and other’s about this author’s theology. None of the warnings were accurate, and these people clearly hadn’t read this person’s work. I went from excited to promote my author friends book to panicking over how awful she would feel if she saw what my innocent post triggered. So I took it down. A similar thing happened when a friend posted a quote by a famous author and I mentioned how much I loved his books. I continue to be careful about which books I recommend on social media, as well as which quotes I chose to put up, like, or comment on. I want to encourage and inspire friends and readers and promote those whose work I believe in. I do NOT, however, want to set favorite authors up for hurtful comments. I figure I’m not helping anyone if I stir up a debate with their name on it.
Maria
Thanks for your post. Social media is a tricky beast. I have found that people can get very nasty, and in ways they wouldn’t do face to face — the fact that it’s virtual seems to give them the “nerve” to put it all out there, and not censor comments. I refrain from anything political or controversial, because people just get very mean. Instead of the debate we hoped to inspire, we get insults, and name calling, and we are disrespected. Yes, we all do curate much of what we post. I’ve heard people talk about the “Facebook lives” and the real lives. I don’t want to complain to the world. I want to focus on the good in my life. Yes, there are challenges and I can talk about those — once in a while. I look at it this way: I really want to put positive stuff out there, and not complain, demean, or chastise. It’s really not productive. If I can inspire one person, if the positivity catches fire, then I’ve done my job. There’s way too much negative out there. I’d rather use the platform for good. People respond to it in a much healthier way than posts that are supposed to spark dialogue. They usually create a negative.
John Wells
I try to be judicious before I press the “send” button. I appreciate the advantages of social media, which enables exchange of information by electronic devices without being face-to-face with whomever. There’s a time and place to use it, and driving an automobile is definitely not appropriate. The problem lies not with the system, but with the people using it. Some like confrontation and some don’t. The anonymous nature inherent in social media emboldens some to post words they wouldn’t dare say in a face-to-face situation, for fear of physical retaliation. It’s this sort that are the problem, but the advantages seem to outweigh the disadvantages, so it’s better to use it and duck out of bad situations. There’s no way of telling if the person using social media is sober or not; that’s why I prefer face-to-face with strangers, and I use it only with friends or people I’ve learned to respect.
Janet Ann Collins
Turning the other cheek is probably the best way to handle hate from other people online as much as in person. I feel sorry for people who need to make other people feel bad in order to make themselves feel good.
Jessica Nelson
Hmmm, great post. I’m not sure…I haven’t had too much negativity but I usually am very careful about how and what I post. I agree that people seem to lose their filters though…Interesting way to think of social media.
Kathy Cassel
I would be happy if anyone left any kind of comment.
Kiki
I finally removed myself from Facebook because of those very reasons and I was feeling upset so often when I read it. My own mom attacked me on FB and a “friend” ridiculed me on a post I made. I could go on. Also, when my life took a turn for the worse I got tired of reading the phony personas when I had so little to offer that wouldn’t just instigate others’ disdain. It’s sad how necessary our society makes it to be on FB to communicate with our desired network because so many use it over media outlets. Even my best friend hardly communicates with me because she shares everything, and I mean everything, on FB so if I’m not there then that’s on me. After the initial withdrawals, I don’t miss FB one little bit. It’s been around three years, ha!
Janet Ann Collins
I’m on social media a lot, but I never share anything personal online – especially not about my family. And I even give inaccurate birthdates when signing up for some sites. Better safe than sorry.