Blogger: Rachelle Gardner
One thing I’ve learned from years of working in publishing is that this business can severely test your patience. Let’s look at some reasons people are often impatient; what’s harmful about being impatient; and what you might do to develop more patience.
What are some reasons you might you be impatient?
• You want something very badly and find it difficult to wait for it to happen.
• You have high standards that can translate into unrealistic expectations.
• You are highly intelligent or an above average writer (corroborated by outside sources) leading you to believe you shouldn’t have to wait for others to recognize your superiority.
• You’re not good at delayed gratification.
• You have a certain amount of arrogance.
• You don’t take the time to understand other people’s processes, i.e. why some things take longer than you like.
But why is impatience a problem? Can’t it help me be more successful?
• Impatience makes you a poor listener. Most people who are impatient are not good at receiving feedback. Therefore, your opportunities for learning, growing and becoming a better writer, or better at anything, are reduced.
• Impatience keeps you from taking in as much information as you could, even when it’s readily available. You may tend to skip over information that could help you, in your haste to get to “results.”
• Impatience born of arrogance makes you devalue others’ opinions, lessening your ability to learn from them.
• Impatience can make you annoy others by your constant checking in. Are we there yet? Is it done yet?
What are some strategies for reducing impatience?
1. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself about your expectations and how realistic they are.
2. Recognize that impatience can alienate you from others, and usually has a negative impact on relationships and career.
3. Ask some trusted friends to let you know when you’re behaving in a way that signals impatience; pay attention to what triggered it and work toward acceptance of those situations.
4. Keep busy with other things you can focus on when you’re waiting for something to happen, to reduce ruminating that leads to impatience.
5. Think about the differences between waiting, eagerly anticipating, and being impatient. Can you reframe your impatience?
6. Cultivate mindfulness and living in the present. Savor today, even while anticipating something you want to happen tomorrow.
7. Give yourself the time you need to develop new skills, rather than jumping ahead in search of a quick result.
Do you struggle with impatience? How do you deal with it?
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
I tend to lean on The Bard –
“Why then, lead on.—O, that a man might know
The end of this day’s business ere it come!
But it sufficeth that the day will end,
And then the end is known.”
– Julius Caesar, Act V, Scene 1, lines 133-136
Shirlee Abbott
While you’re quoting Shakespeare, a children’s ditty plays in my head:
“Have patience, have patience,
Don’t be in such a hurry.
For when you are impatient,
You only start to worry.
Have patience, have patience,
For God is patient too.
And think of all the others
Who had to wait for you!”
(as usual, Andrew, your thoughts are so much higher than my thoughts)
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
Love the lyrics, Shirlee!
* And the part about worry brings up a good connexion to impatience. The direct root of ‘worry’ is the Old English ‘wyrgan’, which means ‘to strangle’.
* To me, that’s what impatience does – it strangles the life out of the present.
Jeanne Takenaka
I KNOW that song! 😉 I sing it to my kids (and to myself, on occasion) when they need the reminder. 😉
Nicholas Faran
Patience. Wait a minute, I need some of that RIGHT NOW!
I would say I was, externally, patient. Internally, however, I am pacing the floor, getting anxious and mumbling under my breath ‘why haven’t they finished yet?’.
The times when I have had to accept patience is necessary in my writing project include accepting that it really will take me a while to write a first and subsequent drafts when fitting around work and family. Next is having to wait for my beta readers. The urge to check in with them often is so strong, but I have to remind myself they are doing of a favour and it takes me a while to read a book.
The results, if time is allowed, are always a much improved manuscript.
I am in that position right now. I have four people reading my third (and final?) draft. I asked them to aim for three months, that was just over two months ago. While waiting I have drafted my query letter and synopsis. I heard back yesterday from my professional evaluation that they are good to go. I have decided my agents and am all ready for submissions to begin. Now I am just waiting for my beta readers comments. I am itching to do those minor edit corrections so I can get on with that next stage of waiting.
In the meantime I will attempt to get outside, enjoy our unseasonably good weather, read and continue to plan my next novel. I should probably also work on my website. Basically, keep occupied and try to leave timing up to God.
Shelli Littleton
Yes, definitely stay occupied. 🙂
Rachelle L. Gardner
Interesting distinction between your external and internal impatience. I think I am that same way!
Kristen Joy Wilks
Ah yes, I started my first full length ms. when I was pregnant with my first child…I’ve realized that if I’d given in to the very real temptation to focus my hopes and dreams all on writing that I would have whined away all those beautiful childhood years with my three boys. My oldest is 12.5 now and I still haven’t sold that ms. but there have been other fun and amazing successes and over 12 years with my beautiful children.
Jackie Layton
Kristen,
You are wise to appreciate the time spent with your children. My youngest just got married, and I’m not published yet, but I wouldn’t trade one minute of the time I invested in my boys.
Rachelle Gardner
Sounds like you’ve been VERY patient. 🙂
Jackie Layton
Rachelle,
Your post came at a perfect time as many of us are looking toward ACFW at the end of the month. I can’t help but wonder what my next step will be if nobody is interested in the story I pitch.
King David is usually my inspiration when I feel impatient. That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle, but he waited so long to become king. At least I don’t think I’ll have to hide in a cave on the road to publication.
Thanks for sharing today!
Richard Mabry
Rachelle, Contained in the list (and it’s an excellent one) are two key words that lead to lots of grief for us all–“unrealistic expectations.” The book publishing cycle is the same slow one it’s been for decades. But the computer age has made us all expect microwave rapidity in everything we do, including responses from an agent or publisher. Your list is a good one for dealing with the current process.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
* The real problem with impatience is that it’s a circular process, breeding upon itself, and circling ever-closer to its object and blanking out everything else. If you’ve ever flown an aeroplane you will realize that in a tight turn, you can only really see things on the inside of the turn; the view outboard is so terribly restricted.
* That said, one metaphor I use is that of the famed Antipodean Concentric Bird, which flies in ever-decreasing circles until it disappears up its own…well, you know.
Shelli Littleton
Waiting in writing is much like stages of grief, it seems to me. It wrenches you, then you go through an “it doesn’t matter; it’ll be okay” … but it really does. But I do think the wait eases the rejection or possible rejection … some. No, it doesn’t. 1. Shock–I can’t believe I sent that! 2. Denial–I sent that? No. 3. Anger–Why did I send that?! 4. Depression–I sent that. Waa. 5. Bargaining–Will you ignore that? I didn’t mean to send that. 6. Testing–What can I do about the fact that I sent that? 7. Acceptance–I sent that. 🙂
Jeanne Takenaka
I’ve been evaluating why I get impatient. I think the two biggest reasons, for me, are that I don’t give myself enough time to do something/be somewhere. Then, when someone else needs to do a part of the project, or drives 10 miles below the speed limit in front of me, I get impatient. I need to give myself enough time to do the project/get where I need to be so I’m not stressed out in the process.
*The biggest thing I keep remembering is that God’s in charge of my journey—writing and life—and His timing is perfect. I’m learning to lean into Him and trust His timing for things to move forward.
*Great post!
Shelli Littleton
Yes, I’m the same, Jeanne. Give ourselves time. Love that reminder. 🙂
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
I think that impatience might be, at least to some degree, a conditioned response.
* If you listen to music with harsh and angry lyrics, you’re likely to become angry. If you listen to gloomy and fatalistic ‘goth’ music, you’ll become somber. And if you listen to disco, you’ll start wearing polyester bell-bottoms and gold chains and asking people about their sign.
* I found several years ago that if I switched from listening to classical music to listening to contemporary, I would have a hard time switching back; it was is is the wiring of my brain had been altered to achieve and NEED aural gratification at a higher speed. It was possible to reverse the process, but it took some amount of discipline…and time. It could not be rushed.
* So, the question – are there things we can do in our lives that will reduce the impatience we feel? Some thoughts –
> Set up an intricate jigsaw puzzle, and work on it as time permits. You can’t force the pieces, but the pieces CAN force you to become more patient (if you don’t dash the blasted thing to the floor in a fit of rage)
> Practice walking meditation, walking while clearing your mind. I always used the image of a pond on which the ripples died away, leaving a perfect reflection of a clear sky. The aim is not to become receptive, but reflective in the literal sense, because a mirror can only give back; it takes nothing into itself.
> Keep the fact of your own death firmly in mind; all the things in your life will come to pass, and it will always be too soon, but never, by God’s grace, too late. A cover illustration for Harper’s Weekly done by Frederick Remington, “The Frontier Trooper’s Thanatopsis”, illustrates this beautifully. Here’s a link to the image if anyone’s interested –
http://www.printsoldandrare.com/remington/009frem.jpg
* ‘Thanatopsis’ was a poem written by William Cullen Bryant, probably in 1811 when the poet was seventeen years old.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
And if you’d like to read ‘Thanatopsis’, here’s the link –
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanatopsis
Peggy Booher
Rachelle,
Thanks for a good post. As with many of the posts at Books and Such, the thoughts can be applied to other areas besides writing.
*Your fourth tip, “Keep busy with other things you can focus on when you’re waiting for something to happen, to reduce ruminating that leads to impatience.”, is one of my go-to ideas for dealing with life. My mind tends to wander to the negative if I don’t give it something else to focus on, something I can do even if I can’t achieve what I want now.
* I learned the value of this when attending classes at a community college 30 minutes from home. Before the start of each semester I drove to the bookstore to purchase the books. Sometimes the bookstore didn’t have the textbooks in yet. After the first time that happened (and I got so aggravated!) I planned other errands to do in that same area on that day. When the situation came up again, I didn’t get upset because my time and gas wasn’t wasted on just one thing that didn’t work out.
Lisa Jordan
I do struggle with impatience at times, but I’m trying so hard to be more patient and more present. At times, I think impatience can be born by what’s at stake in a person’s heart. For example, a writer waiting on a contract may be dealing with financial issues and the advances can help pay the bills. Or a mom getting impatience with children may be craving support and sanity. Great strategies that I will be taking to heart!
Billie Jauss
I believe impatience can also be a result of not knowing the timeline of publishing. If I was more aware of the timeline I don’t think I would be as impatient! The learning curve is steep!
Jennifer Zarifeh Major
Since accepting the fact that I am NOT God’s gift to writing, it has been easier to be patient.
Also, since I have kids? Summer is a crazy time for us. So it’s hard not to be distracted from all the ME stuff, and enjoy forgetting about things that drive me nuts.
Shelli Littleton
You are a great writer, Jennifer. 🙂
Jennifer Zarifeh Major
Awww, thank you!
Valo Lankinen
“What are some reasons you might you be impatient?” I lost it right here. You damn opatience whores do not even know how to write in proper english. Fuck you! If you make a page, please write at least correctly. Thanks. Fuck!