Blogger: Rachelle Gardner
I was out hiking the Manitou Incline here in Colorado — it’s only a mile to the top but has a vertical gain of 2,000 feet (aka: steep). Then it’s a 4-mile hike on a gentler trail to get back down. A nice morning’s workout.
I got to thinking about all the ways I try to get out of my comfort zone, do hard things, conquer challenges that scare me. I purposely push myself to my limits and beyond sometimes, because it reminds me that I can always do more than I think I can.
I learned to scuba dive because I was afraid of the ocean—as a California girl growing up body surfing, I was tossed by the waves and sucked into the undertow one too many times. Becoming a scuba diver didn’t take away my fear but it always reminds me of how attentive we need to be to details—they can mean the difference between life and death.
When I was around 30 I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane at 12,000 feet, just because I knew it would scare me. For months afterwards, I kept telling myself whenever things were hard, “I jumped out of an airplane. I can do this.”
Sometimes I ski on black diamonds even though I’m not really good enough; I’ve taken rock climbing lessons although I doubt I’ll ever climb a real mountain; I’ve been whitewater rafting five separate times on Class III and IV rapids, which scares the daylights out of me every time. I like to do challenging hikes and runs, although I haven’t run a marathon and I doubt I ever will.
In all of this, I’m always seeking that moment when I come to the end of myself, when I no longer have the strength or the courage to go on. That’s the moment I have to reach down inside and find reserves I didn’t know I had. It’s also the moment I have to open myself up to the strength from outside of me, the courage from beyond, the reserves that only God can provide when there’s nothing left of me.
And in pushing myself to my limits in physical endeavors, I’m always trying to prepare myself for the real-life moments where I’m going to come to the end of myself. The times when parenting is hard or work is hard; the times when tragedy hits, when grief overwhelms, when despair crushes the spirit. In those moments I want to already know what it means to come to the end of myself and then find out… there’s More.
I can do this.
In what ways do you purposely push yourself beyond your limits? What happens when you come to the end of yourself?
Sue Harrison
I took up scuba diving for the same reason, Rachelle. Challenge. In addition, I’m a wimp AND a klutz, but every time I’m in the water, a little nervous before I first breach the surface in order to see and join a world of wonder, I begin to praise God for all the joy He has in store for me if I just relax and follow Him into the unknown.
The new novel, the new friendship, the next journey. God is there.
Richard Mabry
Hmm. Not sure how I feel about having an agent who jumps out of airplanes, scales mountains (well, in Texas it would be a mountain), SCUBA’s, skis black diamonds. Please, while you’re pushing yourself beyond your limits, be careful. Lots of us need you.
But you’ve also reminded us that we, as writers, need to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. Thanks for that.
Jessie Richard
I never tried skydiving but I have tried paragliding once last year. To answer your 2 questions -(1). In what ways do you purposely push yourself beyond your limits? I have pushed myself beyond my limits all my life since I was young. I managed to escape an underprivileged background by working hard in school ( awarded scholarship and went abroad to study). Even now I am still doing a few things that are beyond the usual limits to make full use of my life time on earth so to say. (2). What happens when you come to the end of yourself? When I was younger I felt tired easily, I wanted to cry, to worry and to give up easily but now as I am about to turn 35, I draw strengths from prayers, from the feeling that as you explore deeper into life, you draw closer and closer to the heart of God because when you overcome all the obstacles and sorrows in life you rely on God to sustain you. Life will pass away, dreams will expire, but God remains as the beacon of light forever to all of us travelers through this life.
Wendy Paine Miller
Love, love, love this post! “The reserves that only God can provide.” Amen!
Thrilling way to live, so full of trust and surrender.
Stuff of life.
~ Wendy
Wendy Heuvel
Wow, Rachelle! Your post is more timely than you know. I’m facing a big challenge tomorrow, but I never thought of looking at it from this point of view. This has been very encouraging for me. Thank you!
Rachelle Gardner (@RachelleGardner)
I’m glad! Challenges are always good and growing experiences.
Dale Rogers
I tweeted you not long ago about how much fun you have, but I didn’t know the root of the reason. I used to push myself physically and mentally to challenge myself to achieve. (I over did it some- times, which didn’t always turn out well.) Now I’m striving to publish my novels, not just to do something I’d never done, but for a much deeper reason: Writing is fulfilling, and part of my life
Leanne Fournier
Hi Rachelle,
This is a beautiful post. Your words “I’m always seeking that moment when I come to the end of myself, when I no longer have the strength or the courage to go on.” resonate so much with me. I have been paralyzed by claustrophobia much of my life and many other fears and am doing just as you are. I’ve recently begun attending sweat lodges as part of my own spiritual journey. While many amazing and wonderful things are transpiring for me because of this, one additional “win” is that I’ve overcome my claustrophobia. It’s amazing what a “body” can do when we put our trust in God or the Creator to guide us to do more. I’m learning to listen to my heart and my spirit more than my head although reason does occasionally need to prevail! Again, thank-you.
Jeanne T
Wow, amazing. You’ve done the things I haven’t been brave enough to do yet (especially jumping out of a perfectly good airplane). I did ski a black diamond. Once. Because I took a wrong turn. I made it down without any broken bones but a very wet backside. 🙂
I guess one way I am pushing myself beyond some of my limits is by writing. I never thougth I would/could write. I’ve learned such dependence on God and I’m leanring to cling to his truths rather than the lies that come with the disappointments this path provides.
When I come to the end of myself, I get still, pray and journal to push through whatever it is that brought me to the end of myself. God always strengthens me as he moves me beyond myself into the person he’s creating me to be.
Jeanne T
Wow, amazing. You’ve done the things I haven’t been brave enough to do yet (especially jumping out of a perfectly good airplane). I did ski a black diamond. Once. Because I took a wrong turn. I made it down without any broken bones but a very wet backside. 🙂
I guess one way I am pushing myself beyond some of my limits is by writing. I never thougth I would/could write. I’ve learned such dependence on God and I’m leanring to cling to his truths rather than the lies that come with the disappointments this path provides.
When I come to the end of myself, I get still, pray and journal to push through whatever it is that brought me to the end of myself. God always strengthens me as he moves me beyond myself into the person he’s creating me to be.
You’ve challenged me to consider trying some of the physical feats that have held me back. Thanks for that.
joan cimyotte
I push. I’m just not a daredevil. “The end of yourself” sounds like being depressed or dead, plain old given up, or washed up, a has been.
I like to think about opening new doors. Sometimes you have to let go of the comfort zone. One of my characters just jumped out of an airplane. I can imagine skydiving.
Tiana Smith
Thanks for the repost Rachelle – it’s always a good reminder 🙂
Jennifer Major
I used to do all the INSANE stuff when I was younger. And taller. Yes, I said ‘taller’. I came off a horse at a full, hard gallop and landed on my forehead. In that moment, I lost almost 1/2 an inch of height. And gained a new respect, nay, LOVE , of cow manure. Fresh, viscous, impact absorbing cow manure. The same accident took away my courage on horses forever. I’ve rocked climbed, snorkeled (no scuba, sorry), hiked and may I say it? I had 4 babies. No sky diving because, umm, NO. I’ve also ruptured a disc and lost another 1/4 inch.
I have played soccer at 13,500 feet and felt as my heart wondered who pulled the plug. I’ve hiked up a 1000 foot goat trail at 13,000 feet and stopped every 3 steps to breathe. Then rested as a Quechua man carried a full sized generator up without stopping. Any insane physical challenges now involve off-road mission work.
The most dangerous thing I’ve ever done is raise those 4 babies and seen one become a prodigal. The kind of child that says “oh, that’s nice” when I told her that there wasn’t any breast cancer. The one that lied and told people that we kicked her out. The one who was annoyed on Easter Sunday morning at the ex-friend who was in church. Annoyed? How is one annoyed when she should perhaps notice WHY we’re in church? The one who cries and tells me that the boyfriend hasn’t worked in 10 months.
My heart aches for the one lamb who is wandering. My Lord and I sit together at the end of my rope. And wait. We shoot the breeze, we chat about life. I know how much I can take, so I balance my time between here and back up at the top, where the 3 boys carry on quite nicely, pretending she doesn’t exist. I know that when I come to the end of Jennifer, that Jesus sits there and is ready with the Kleenex and the experience to deal with whatever is coming. Because at some point, we have to untie the knot and watch it unravel some more.
I look forward to the day when we can wind it back up.
Christine Dorman / @looneyfilberts
Thank you for sharing this, Jennifer. You, your family, and the “wandering lamb” are in my prayers.
Jennifer Major
Thank you.
Cheryl Malandrinos
Praying for you and the one that has wandered. I think the toughest part of being a parent is allowing our kids to make their own choices, when our experience and love tells us to try and keep them from making mistakes.
Lisa
I always appreciate your words, Jennifer.
Nicole Miller
During the spring and summer I ride my bike home from work (10 miles) and each day, it pushes me to the point of breaking. Usually, the first mile is tortuous. I want to quit, call my hubby and demand he take me home.
But somehow, after that second or third mile, my legs loosen, my adrenaline resurges and I sail home. Even in the wind and rain, it is a satisfying journey and I’m somehow filled by the time I reach home.
Overcoming this each weekday somehow prepares me for the next day. I think my writing life is like this – the first mile is somehow the hardest. But we must push through to those next few.
Love this post!
Christina Berry
You do it because you’re awesome, Nicole, inside and out!
Kathryn Elliott
Holy moly, Rachelle! I’m beginning to wonder if you have a cape and tights under that sensible agent garb. 🙂
I volunteer once a month with our local Hospice. One of the directors, a walking buddy, suggested I consider the organization’s therapy dog training for our Labrador, Maggie – apparently Mags has the right temperament. (They’ve never seen her around a hamburger.) A few phone calls and a barrage of interviews later, Maggie and I are halfway through the training and loving every minute.
Lindsay Harrel
I love that you capitalized “More.” That More is always God. Always. He puts something in me that gives me that extra oomph. And a lot of times it’s motivated by precious friends who give the encouragement I need, or a verse that reminds me that God is with me and never fails me, that even when I’m dangling off a cliff, He never lets go.
Christine Dorman / @looneyfilberts
I agree, Lindsay. God’s love is what gets me through when I feel I’ve come to “the end of me.” More than that, God helps me through each day and each moment. I don’t know how atheists cope. I could not get through the day without God’s help.
Michelle Ule
I read Edith Schaeffer’s book The Tapestry 29 years ago and was struck that everytime the Schaeffers had to make a choice, they took the more difficult one.
Laying on the couch that day, I said, “Lord, the next time I have to make a choice, I’ll take the hard one.”
An hour later, with me still reading the book, the hard choice came through the door and all I could say was, “okay.”
I astounded my husband. “You will?”
Did I have a choice? “Sure.”
And it made all the difference. 🙂
Sarah Thomas
Yup, yup. When I have a choice I can generally recognize the right one because it’s harder!
sally apokedak
Oh, I know exactly what you mean.
When I told my mom I was going to marry the broke quadriplegic man instead of the rich lawyer, she wept. “I just want you to be happy!” she said.
I said, “Mom, sometimes the easy way is not the happy way. Sometimes the hard way is the happy way.”
I have no regrets.
Dave Clark
I wanted to make one parachute jump. I made 538. You can talk about getting over personal fears all day but what I found far worse is many things here on Mother Earth: bureaucracy, incompetence, inability, distraction, timidity, many interactions I need to have with others to get things done but finding constant simple and basic failing in others. After moving 120 mph in the sky, accomplishing many things of sense and worth here on Earth is a glacial process. Sorry to be a (bad pun) downer.
Meadow Rue Merrill
Hardest thing I’ve ever done? Getting on a bus in Uganda with a two-year-old abandoned child in my arms on my way to Kenya to get permission from the U.S. Embassy to bring her home. Even harder? Laying that child to rest in a cemetary a year ago when she unexpectedly died in her sleep from complications related to cerebral palsy. Harder still? Trusting that God was still in control.
Christine Dorman / @looneyfilberts
Meadow, I can’t even begin to understand how painful this journey has been for you. Know that you are in my prayers.
Jennifer Major
Bless you and your family Meadow. May God rain peace and joy on you all.
Lisa
Meadow, a woman of God like you teaches me to keep moving forward with grace and trust. Thank you for sharing.
sally apokedak
so sorry for you…and yet, so happy that you are still trusting that God is in control. Thanks!
Denise
What a bittersweet story. Not understanding God’s plan makes it hard to trust. You made such a difference in her life and I hope you hold onto that tightly. Blessings and peace to you.
Tim Barzyk
One thing I do is just continue to slog through. I may come to a point where I feel like stopping or quitting, but I don’t, I just slow down…sometimes a lot.
I might not be AS productive, but at least something is getting done. Eventually the feeling passes and I’m back on track.
Inside strength…outside sources of strength…I think they’re there, but that doesn’t always raise me to 100%.
My main motivation is that no matter how tough things might be, or how *bad* I might feel, I know that I’ll feel worse if I quit.
Light Sakpere
I just got a ”twist” in my life’s journey today – i was going in one direction wen suddenly this ”twist” came – a change from that direction. Wether it’s temporary or it’s going to b permanent i can’t tell but my trust & confidence in God haven’t change – 4 this i’m glad. The bible says ”In all things give thanks,” mind u, it didn’t say ”4 all things…” cos som thing r from d devil. & again ”all things work 2geda 4 Gud 2 those that love God…” I’v accepted ds twist, i surrender all 2 God, my peace is intact! Cheers!!!
Cynthia Ruchti
This reminds me of the old hymn’s lyrics, “When we reach the end of our hoarded resources, our Father’s full giving is only begun.”
For several years, when I face something beyond me (translated, every day), I “hear” the words brave-and-bold bouncing off the inside of my skull. And I move forward.
The outcome is always spectacular when I choose the option that requires courage.
Donna Pyle
I just soaked in your words here today, Rachelle. I share your adventurous spirit and love trying new things just to find out if I can. Jumping out of airplanes is NOT on my list, but I checked off rafting down the Grand Canyon on the Colorado River two years ago. What a thrill! Only in trying those challenging tasks do I find when the “I can” ends and the “He can” begins. It’s a wonder-filled place full of reassurance, trust, and security. I think life would be predictabe and boring indeed if we only tried what we can accomplish in our own strength. Can you say, “Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy!”?
Christine Dorman / @looneyfilberts
When I was in my twenties, I started having panic attacks. It got to a point where it was difficult just to go out of the house. Sometimes it was difficult just to be in the house in my skin. Simple things like going to the grocery store, going to church or sitting through a whole movie felt nearly impossible. But refusing to be crippled by fear, I pushed myself to do things even when I knew that I would have a panic attack as a result. Of course I got counseling, but it was God who gave me the grace to push beyond my fear and go out and not only do what I had to do, but to go out and live.
Although I still get anxiety at times, I no longer have panic attacks, thank God. At times I will notice that I am doing something (like enjoying a walk through an art museum) that I wouldn’t have been able to get through years ago without panicking. And I say to myself, “Look at you! See you can do it.” The panic attacks taught me a lot about trusting in God. I know with God’s help, I can do anything. That has helped me to move myself, all alone, from Kansas to Florida (driving used to be my biggest panic trigger and this was a 1,200 mile trip by car)and take care of both of my parents through terminal illnesses.
Bottom line: with God’s help, I can deal with anything.
Jennifer Major
That is so true, isn’t it? When the King of Heaven holds your hand and cheers you on, anything IS possible.
Christine Dorman / @looneyfilberts
Very true.
sally apokedak
Good for you! Panic attacks are soooooo horrible. But God is so faithful to give his peace to guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus when we are at the end of our strength and lay our requests before him with thanksgiving.
Christine Dorman / @looneyfilberts
Thank you for the affirmation, Sally, and yes, my peace is in Jesus.
Blessings!
Gabrielle Meyer
All I can say is thank you for these words. I know I’ll be pondering them for a while.
Cheryl Malandrinos
What a wonderful post, Rachelle. When I saw Colorado and Manitou, I smiled. I’m writing an historical set in Colorado. The travelers are on their way to Florissant.
You’re much more of an adventurer than I’ll ever be. Stepping outside my comfort zone is usually limited to reading books outside my usual genres. 🙂
Lisa
Sometimes it hard to push yourself alone. Every summer, for three years, my girlfriends and I have completed a sprint triathlon. We work together to train late in the evening after our kids are in bed. I wouldn’t have crossed the finish line on any without them.
Community strengthens my heart. My readers are some of my best cheerleaders. They always tell me to never give up and keep going.
Marian O'Brien Paul
I lived in Manitou Springs from 1968 – 1972. I never climbed the incline but we hiked all over the mountains with two kids in tow. A beautiful place.
Janet Ann Collins
This post and the discussion are so helpful I’ll save the page for future reference. Thanks to Rachelle and everyone who shared.
Michelle Lim
What a fabulous blog, Rachelle! Sometimes life is beyond our own courage or strength, but in our weakness He is made perfect.
You have an amazing sense of adventure! Love that you will push yourself to the limit.
I have pushed myself to the limit in different ways, but will skip the mountain climbing…LOL. When I achieve one goal, I set the next one a bit more difficult.
One time I went to a workshop where Susan May Warren said you could write a book in a month. I didn’t believe it, but decided to give it my best shot.You know, she was right. You can write a rough draft of a trade length novel in a month. Be prepared to edit, but it can be done.
Thanks for the encouraging post!
Denise
Pushing myself beyond my walls…. where to start. I got a motorcycle when I was 38 and two years later went on an 1800 mile ride including the ‘going to the sun highway’ in Montana which should be named ‘probably going to die highway’ because of the sheer cliffs. As a teen I learned to fly not because I loved it but because I was afraid of dying if I didn’t know how to save myself if needed. (had a dad willing to fly drunk) I got into therapy when my anger brought me to a breaking point even though I was terrified to face myself. Took my kids to swim lessons and got in the water with them because I didn’t want them to fear the water like me. (two near drownings) God has held my hand the entire way and probably carried me more of the time than I’d like to admit.
Brandy Vallance
Great post, Rachelle. I’ve done the Manitou Incline . . . once. Afterward I was hurting for a straight week. Whined about it for two. I love how you casually said, “A nice morning’s workout.” 😉
I try to push myself with writing and usually gravitate toward subjects that scare me or aren’t easily reconciled. Which, of course, aren’t easily reconciled and produce a lot of 3 am writing sessions, tearful utterances of “Why???!!” and far too much tea to be sensible. I try to make myself vulnerable, which no one likes, but I know that’s where the power in the story is. My goal is to ask the hard questions about life and more specifically, Christianity. A quote I have in my office is, “We write best what we need most to understand.” That’s been true for me. I have a lot of questions.
Lately, as I’ve been traveling with my husband to different churches for his ministry work, I’ve been thinking about how so many people put God in a box. And about how so many believers are content with just a religion vs. true Christianity.
I wonder what we would experience or how we would be changed if we took our mental limits off what we thought God could do. Or what we could do in Him, fully alive. There’s a daily battle to be fought and we are desperately needed for such a time as this.
I recently read The Resurrection by your client, Mike Duran. I was really impressed with his premise because I think he explored the above subject. Most of the modern church is content with the way things have always been and wouldn’t want anything truly supernatural to show up.
So there’s another place I’m trying to push myself–in what’s always been familiar to me and what’s really true. I’m pushing off into unknown waters, excitement growing as each wave takes me further from the shore.
I went to Costa Rica with my husband for 2 months partly because I didn’t want to (I’m more European inclined). So, for that reason, I figured God might have something for me there. And He did. I learned a lot.
The same thing’s going on with me learning Spanish right now (2 hours a day via Skype). I’d rather learn French or Italian. But I’m doing it to help my husband, and because it’s like your airplane door. I’m jumping to be able to say that I can. I never want to be stuck in my ways, or afraid to explore.
And when I come to the end of myself, as I often do, I know that He is with me–the One True Living God. And you’re right, Rachelle. There is always more.
D.R. Ransdell
For me pushing myself to the limit means traveling to a place where I can’t speak the language or even read it. The first time I went to Asia I was sure I would get stuck at some police station at 2am when I couldn’t find my way back to the ryokan. Instead I discovered that I could–and should–do Asia. By now I’ve been to Japan, Thailand, China, and Sri Lanka. Many more challenges await me.
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