Blogger: Mary Keeley
When it comes to author interaction on social media and within online groups, we need to be discerning. Positive interaction can attract followers faster and lead to a favorable reputation. As important as attracting our following is, we’ll have better online relationships by using respectful online etiquette. Let’s have an interactive conversation today about examples that reflect on us positively or negatively with our network connections. I’ll start us off with several examples and guidelines.
Appearances matter
On professional sites like LinkedIn, I’ve had requests to be added to my network by salesmen for companies having nothing to do with my industry. I delete those as soon as I see them because the apparent motivation seems to be a desire for access to my list of connections for their own business purposes rather than networking within the publishing industry. I won’t take the risk for me or for those in my network. Appearances matter, and this sort of activity leaves a negative impression. 
Integrity Matters
If you have pitched projects to agents at conferences or your agent has submitted your latest proposal to publishers, you’ve confronted the importance of platform and reader following. The competitive edge that imposing numbers of followers and social media activity affords has prompted authors to devise creative ways to grow their numbers. Some have resorted to purchasing followers. Others have tried to increase their numbers by following lots of other people indiscriminately in hopes the others will follow them in return. Editors have come to realize the hard way that five- to six-digit social media numbers don’t guarantee super-size sales numbers. When the expected sales don’t materialize, those impressive social media numbers render an artificial impression, which damages the author’s chances of a future book contract. Integrity matters.
Respect for an author’s brand matters
While the convenience is alluring, sending private message requests to other authors, with whom you have no personal connection, asking them to “Like” your author page is poor online etiquette.
Authors need to protect their author brand and respect that of other authors. When an author within a group automatically adds the other members to another group, he or she tampers with the fellow members’ brands. This practice puts them in the awkward position of having to delete themselves if the other group doesn’t mesh with their brand. Show respect for each other by obtaining permission from fellow group members first.
Your turn. When have you been on the receiving end of poor online etiquette? When have you unknowingly practiced poor social media etiquette? Do you have additional guidelines to add to this list?
TWEETABLES:
Appearances and integrity matter. Here are three guidelines for online etiquette. Click to Tweet.
Taking shortcuts to increase social media numbers may backfire for authors. See why here. Click to Tweet.
The Blessing of Everyday Tasks
When tempted to step over the line on social etiquette, I picture myself explaining it before the throne of grace:
“And you thought this was a good idea, why?” the Creator of the universe asks me, full knowing the answer.
“Because I needed bigger numbers,” makes me sound (and feel) about five years old.
That’s a powerful image, Shirley. God is the father and we are most definitely the children.
Great perspective, Shirlee! I love that reminder of accountability.
Wait, there’s a line?
Shooooot.
Maybe I should get my vision checked?
😉
Shirlee, as is so often the case, your mental image is grounding and memorable. Thank you.
Mary, great post. I get bugged by people who I follow on Twitter (after checking out their feeds), and I get a direct message that says something to the effect of: “Please like my facebook page too!!” I don’t request people to like my pages unless I know them and have at least something of a relationship with them.
*I’ve also had people I don’t know “Like” my Facebook author page and then ask me to like theirs back. Maybe I’m rude, but I don’t like them back unless we begin interacting more online. I feel pressured when people do this, and I don’t like that.
*I appreciate what you said about respecting an author’s brand.This makes so much sense!
If someone friends me, I check them out. If their wall has 35 people saying “thanks for friending me”, all in a row, with zero posts? I don’t.
I also don’t accept requests from men I don’t know, especially if they’re US Army generals stationed in Borneo. Only they’ve spelled it “Boarneeoh”.
And the home businesses?? I’m fine to support my friends, but, ummmm, but not writers who spend every waking moment promoting something else.
Yep, I’ve learned some of these lessons the hard way, Jennifer. And I’m all for supporting friends, just not everybody who’s looking for someone’s name they’ve seen . . . once and wants the click, or the follow, or whatever.
Jeanne your examples are exactly what I’m referring to. I no longer feel a shred of guilt that I’m being rude by not “liking” a person back in these instances. Those people who “Like” me without interacting any other time only want my “Like,” not my online friend connection. In truth, they are the rude ones.
Mary:
Thank you for this post. I think that social media has blurred the lines of professionalism because we’re all “friends” who “like” each other. And in a community such as Books & Such, it takes awareness and then effort to separate the relationships from the commercial endeavors.
One of my pet peeves is people who add me to lists without my permission. To control my brand, I have to control (as much as I can) where it/my name appears. Adding me to a list, especially repeatedly (yes, it happens) means that the chance of my every interacting with you is very slim. I view people who take such liberties as highly unprofessional, and perhaps unethical.
Although marketing and advertising has changed with the rise of social media, the basic etiquette in your post still exist, although in different formats.
BTW, Mary, I should have clarified the list issue. Adding someone to a list without that person’s permission is an implied endorsement. That’s the problem with unauthorized list building. If my name appears on a list, then anyone seeing my name on the list assumes that I endorse the author’s work.
Authors who add my name repeatedly smack of desperation and deception. (I always immediately delete myself when I get notice that I have been added.) My impression of these authors and their work is harsh.
Thanks for adding this clarification and the reasoning behind it, Norma.
Oooh. Norma, thank you for sharing that. I’d made a Twitter list recently, adding my favorite people, hoping it would help me keep up better with my friends and writers I esteem. I’d heard it was a good thing. I didn’t realize it could be offensive or harmful to another. That’s why I love this site.
Shelli, I believe that if you follow people on twitter, then you see all their posts anyway. And no one who knows you would be offended to be included. My comments about lists specifically refer to including people with whom you have no relationship. Thanks for making me clarify. (And you can add me to your lists any time. You and your work are amazing.)
Aww. Thank you, Norma. ❤ And I see what you mean. I saw on Twitter, you can make a list private or public. I wonder if private is better so that not everyone can see who is included.
Twitter lists are different. You don’t need permission, and the other person isn’t bothered by them at all – ie: you don’t get notifications, etc. I love lists to manage my Twitter feed. I use private lists only because I don’t want friends feeling left out if they aren’t included 🙂 After I followed over about 500 people, I couldn’t possibly keep up with my feed, but there are certain accounts I never want to miss. So I have those on lists – and I read those list feeds daily. It saves me gobs of time.
I cannot stand it when people add me to stuff!!
NLB, Not only is adding people to your mailing list without their permission unethical, it’s ILLEGAL. Here’s a link to an excellent overview of U.S. federal CAN-SPAM Act, regarding sending out unsolicited emails: https://www.ftc.gov/tips-advice/business-center/guidance/can-spam-act-compliance-guide-business
I thought it was, based on long-ago classes in intellectual property, regarding mailing lists. I don’t think it is in situations like FB lists and such. Nonetheless, it’s aggravating, and I appreciate you confirming the mailing-list issue, Laura.
Well said, Norma. I so agree.
Oh, dear. I never considered my lists on Twitter to be anything that would offend anyone. All my lists are private lists so no one sees them but me, right? And I only add people who follow me and I follow back. And I only use the lists to keep the tweets straight. I’ve never understood how anyone can see anything on Twitter by just using the feed. I’ve never considered that anyone who added me to a list was doing it for any other purpose either. ??
Recently I’ve been helping advertise a new Bible study. And someone keeps writing ugly things about the author on my post when I do. I delete the comments, because I don’t want something ugly about her on my page. I’m struggling with how to feel about this. Will the person do this every time I post something about the Bible study? I’m beginning to feel like I can post. You know? How should this be handled professionally? Ignore it?
(I’m playing Mary here. Forgive me!) Rise above it, Shelly. Keep being your lovely self. And block the person from commenting. I don’t know of a single hosting platform that won’t let you block someone. (There’s the chance that the person will come back under another name.) Tolls are everywhere.
Thank you, Norma. And I meant to say up above that I am feeling like I “can’t” post. You are so helpful. 🙂
I find the public display of ugly attitudes about those authors with whom we disagree tantamount to school-yard bullying.
I would delete that person’s remarks, and block her/him.
Do not let them win. Or cause divisions in the body of Christ.
Right, Jennifer. Refusing to interact by deleting and blocking such rude behavior will hopefully discourage people from continuing eventually, while also allowing the rest of us to maintain God-pleasing behavior.
Shelli,
I’ve been dealing with a similar issue on a Christian apologetics Facebook Page that I write content for. The haters are out in force right now (likely because my client is running Facebook ads to promote their content). The client has asked me to delete comments that overtly promote other religions, use accusatory, hate-filled language. Of course, then those “deleted” comments people start sending hateful private messages. You could message the person privately and ask them to stop, and let them know that if they refuse, you’ll ban them from commenting on the Page. This, to me, seems like a professional first step. After all, you own the Page and are the publisher. You get to decide what content appears on your Page. If someone wants to post ugly comments about someone or something, they can set up their own Page and try to solicit “likes” from other haters.
Good suggestion, Laura.
Thank you, Laura. 🙂
Andrew, I’ve told you this before. You may have become the darkness, but to whom? To those innocents you saved, you were, and are, their bright light, their angel of mercy. You ‘came heavy’ and flew them away from certain death.
I doubt any of them will forget you. How could they?
If there aren’t people like you to run into the battle, we’re all doomed.
Great post, Mary. Thank you for writing this.
* I endeavour to make my online and personal etiquette congruent, and to always live by this maxim from Sun-Tzu –
“The general who advances without coveting fame and retreats without fearing disgrace, whose only thought is to protect his country and do good service for his sovereign, is the jewel of the kingdom.”
Ohhh, nice quote!!
That will stay with me for a while.
🙂
Beautiful … reminds me of … “dwell in the land, and do good.”
Andrew, these are honorable guidelines we can use as a compass. Thanks for sharing.
Mary…the thanks go to you, and to everyone on the Books and Such Staff, and in this community. I’m going on 96 hours of pure hell – bleeding and pain that are not going to stop – so please, forgive the awkwardness of my words. Going to be honest as a bullet, blunt as an entrenching tool, sharp as a Fairbairn-Shykes dagger.
* I am not, and never was, a good man. I’ve done things you have not dreamed of. You can’t have nightmares that bad. War is hell, said Sherman, but I embraced it. I became the darkness, to deliver the innocent from its grasp. (Please remember that – 22 combat veterans kill themselves daily, and I have looked down that path. Often.)
* And yet…I have found a measure of hope and humanity here. I thought myself lost, but in this place, and with the people who lend their grace to the community ‘voice’, I have found hope that the Almighty can turn the worst into something approaching the best.
* It’s not about writing, Mary. It’s about the Christian community, and Books and Such may well have saved my soul.
* I will see God before you do. And I will tell Him, first and foremost, of the work that you have done here, in His name.
* By God, I love you all.
* The tone may be maudlin. The sentiment is not.
Andrew, your words minister to all of us in this blog community. They can’t come from a man with nothing good in him. Quite the contrary. War is war. War does not make the man. The guilt common to all of us, when matched up against God’s perfect character, magnifies the immensity of his unconditional love. I pray you feel this love over and above all the pain.
Ugh! I sent a reply to your comment and it ended up in Shelli’s comment stream…
Ahhh, adding people to groups.
While it is funny, it was realllllly annoying…I was added to a Facebook group by a lady from my church. Fine. Okay, I’ll just NICELY ask to be removed.
Why? Because, people, I do not knit.
I don’t knit, I don’t regularly think about learning to knit, and ?? I have arthritis in both hands which makes writing my name with a pen a challenge on the best of days. So? Knitting?? Uhh, NO.
So, I decided to be all stealthy and just remove myself.
And before you know it, I was back in the group. Wow, Tinkerbell was busy that day.
So, I removed myself, again.
And the next day, bloop, back in the group.
I belong to a few private Facebook groups and one group found this particularly funny. So of course, they’d PM me all kinds of knitting patterns from the ’60’s. Thaaaaaaaaaanks.
Nothing like support, eh?
So, I very very Canadianly PM’d the finger happy coordinator and asked her very nicely to remove me, like, for good, from this group. Her response?
Oh, and did I mention the majority of the group were seniors? Ya, thanks.
Her very nice response was along the lines of “Oh, we thought you’d be interested since you’re such a nice person…blah blah blah…”
Way to stick it to me.
So, what was the group? The Prayer Shawl Knitters. Yes, I felt like a flaming sinner for not wanting to “help”.
At what did a beloved family member give me in April, after my FIL’s memorial service? From some ladies at her church?
Yup.
A beautiful prayer shawl. That was prayed over. By faithful knitters.
I knew God was on His throne, mildly smirking at me as I sat in that chair and thought “Wow, You do have a sense of humour, don’t You, Lord?”
And I KNOW His answer was “Yes. Yes I do.”
Demographically, I would have linked you with the the Prayer Shawl Knitters group immediately, Jennifer. Although I have serious reservations about you possessing a pair of knitting needles. (Okay, now I’m running out of my office before the computer explodes.)
Sucks in breath all shocked-like.
Sputters.
Gasps.
“I am ONLY 53!!!”
*
*
Well played, Madam. Well played.
*
(Umm, I also have a set of spears in my garage. From the Amazon.)
.
Jennifer, funny story. I love the visual image of the sweet seniors knitting prayer shawls and engaging in their own Facebook group…persistently. But it illustrates how a misperception of you, the not-senior-age author, can germinate among potential readers to skew their impression of you and your author brand.
Perhaps the best etiquette guideline is simply this –
“And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”
* There are those who will hearten us, and those who will offend us; but Grace sees no difference.
I’m constantly reading inappropriate emails, FB posts, and tweets to my husband under the category “Authors Behaving Badly.” I could write a book…say, not a bad idea! I’ll add you all to my FB group! And you need to like my new page “Authors Behaving Badly”! After all, I liked YOUR page. And you need to read my book for review because you do have a few followers on Twitter and a blog, even though it has nothing to do with my topic whatsoever. And retweet my tweets about my book – I post them every five minutes for your convenience. If you love God, you’ll do it.
Just to be clear in case there’s any doubt…yes, that was sarcasm.
HAHAHAHA!!!
“If you love God, you’ll do it.”
I despise those.
The follow thing that gets my goat is when someone follows you, you follow them back, and then they unfollow you! Needless to say, I unfollow them back.
Yes!!! How rude is that? “I only want you for your follow. I’m not actually interested in you whatsoever.”
Sarah, you nailed it. I’m still laughing. The sad thing is that people who do these things must not be aware of the damage they are doing to their own image and brand.
This isn’t really about etiquette, I don’t think, but your post does relate to something I’ve been wondering. On Twitter, I get followers (like everyone does, I’m sure) that tell me the person doesn’t check Twitter messages but I can swap pictures with them at another site. Yea, right. Anyway, I never follow those or similar kinds of folks, but I’ve been wondering if I should block such folks or just ignore them as I’ve been doing. ??
Sylvia, if it were me, I’d block those folks right quick. Sounds like phishing.
That’s what I thought, too, Andrew. I just wasn’t sure if blocking would affect my site more than it would there’s.
Sylvia,
Swap pictures? Ooh, creepy. I can understand someone telling you they don’t use Twitter and sending you a link to a social account they’re active on. But swapping pics? I agree with Andrew; sounds like a phishing scam. I suggest continuing to ignore or blocking them.
A lot of those appear to be, um…”dirty pictures” as we used to say. On Twitter, I block anyone who asks to swap said pictures – or who posts them, asks me to buy followers, or posts in a certain language with the translations talking about swords and death to infidels.
Also, those who overtweet, use bad language, or only tweet about their books – I don’t block them, but I don’t follow them back either.
Sylvia, that sounds downright creepy. I agree with Andrew. Block them.
I’m so glad I posted this. I don’t usually need “permission” to do anything–ask my parents–but this social media thing gets complicated sometimes and I always feel like I’m ten steps behind everyone else on what to do and what not to do. But now I feel like I have permission to block people! Sad isn’t it? 🙂 Guess where I’m going as soon as I hit Submit?
This is such good advice. Nothing turns me off more than someone complaining and putting down others. I hope everything I post encourages someone. If I can lift up one person’s spirits, then I consider it a blessing. If I unfriend someone, it’s usually because they post inappropriate language or seem negative. If someone rants about poor service at a drive-thru, it gives me the impression they are spoiled.
Shelia, I’ve never seen or heard an unkind comment from you. You are a great example for us all. Lately, God has been showing me how even the tiniest verbal slurs are incompatible with his character, which I’m trying to reflect. Social media can be a breeding ground for bad behavior, but we can counter it with good behavior.
Oh, thank you for this post! Sometimes I feel so alone when I see the numbers increase for others, yet downcast at the thought of some of their methods. Yes, I’ve received my share of requests to like someone’s page when I don’t know anything about them or what they’re really about. I’ve also seen author friends accept friendships from obvious strangers who have nothing to show on their About page.
I’m leery of liking memes that are making the rounds because I’ve heard that the originator can edit it to say something different and then it seems like all those people who’ve liked it approve. But you don’t even know unless it comes around again. *shudder
Ref the LinkedIn, I’ve recently accepted someone from a Christian organization because my kids were connected with it, but now I’m feeling uncomfortable. The person I connected with seems to be using LinkedIn as a venue to evangelize and fund raise instead of maintain business contacts.
Finally, I’ve deleted myself from several groups where friends have added me without the courtesy of checking first. These types of things not only cause discomfort, but lean me toward hiding in my cave where I’m safe.
I hear you, Anita. You are right to be cautious of those circulating memes. Thanks for bringing that sort of thing up. I advise writers never to “Like” them or forward them because you have no way of knowing how the content might evolve–with your stamp of approval already on it.
Dudes, I’m going to be the Voice of Paranoia. But even paranoids have enemies, and I will tell you that which I am allowed to say.
1) Anything you put online can be retrieved. “Deletion” only looses the ‘heading address’; the content’s still there.
2) Your email is the key to every secure account you have, including banking. Password decryption is a technical problem, and is not difficult.
3) If you become a worthy target, you WILL be attacked. That means that success as an author WILL draw those who would try to find a way to either steal your assets, or – if the motive is ideological – sully your reputation.
* Don’t think that you’re ever off the radar. You’re not.
Hard core facts, Andrew. But we need to be reminded of them from time to time. Thanks for caring enough to be the one to do it.
I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
Thanks for the warning, Andrew. I guess the only way a person can ever be off the radar is to not have any Internet access, not have a car, not have a driver’s license, not have a checking or savings account, not have a job, not have public utilities–to live without modern conveniences and to do everything possible yourself.
I’ve experienced most of the things on Facebook and other groups people have mentioned. I also hate when a member of a group posts something and every member Replies to All with things like “Congratulations” or “I’m sorry.” I get hundreds of messages every day and don’t like to spend my time deleting those.
Oh yes, these too, Janet. I admit to being guilty of these sorts of Replies to All in the past, but I’m correcting my ways. Thanks for adding these to our etiquette list.
I think I read most of the comments. Great discussion. I don’t have an author page as yet. I do follow an abundance of writers and blogs like this one. The ones I follow are usually because I met them at a conference and we had something or someone in common. If I request to be a friend I always send a private message introducing myself and tell of a connection or that I liked what they write etc. Some people I may have followed through others for a year before I request to be friends. Sometimes I want to observe their etiquette before I Friend them.
If someone ‘Friends’ me I do a search to see if they are legit and if we have commonality before I accept. I don’t do LinkedIn because I think it promotes LinkedIn more than its members and it’s another password to keep up with. If you can convince me otherwise I’m willing to listen.
After ACFW an agent Friended me that I had not been introduced to. Because I respect this person and was flattered I accepted. Hopefully their account had not been hacked.
When I ‘Like’ an author’s page it’s because I respect them, their writing and hope I can learn something from their experience. And I love to encourage my author friends. I enjoy sharing their writing with my other Friends. Since my first writing conference in 2010 when I was a newbie, I connected with other newbies. And it has been fun seeing them publish multiple books.
I hope when I’m published I won’t have to ask them to Like me because we already have a relationship.
And yes I’ve had people add me to a group without asking. I take it case by case whether to stay. But personally I’d always ask first. I may be showing my age but I don’t understand the concept of Twitter. It seems you have to have an account to read someone else’s Twitter? Is Twitter automatically public or can you set barriers?
Sorry for the length. May I add I really enjoy your blog page here. Great information always.
Daphne, I am mostly ditto on all this (except for visiting conferences). My personal Facebook is very light on friends (less than 50, good for keeping in touch with old and far flung friends).
You don’t need to sign up to twitter to read tweets. I am regularly following several of my favoured agents by reading their twitter feeds and I don’t have an account yet. It does mean I can’t respond, but maybe that’s a good thing. I also have to read each persons feed independently, but it is possible. I have found it a good way of deciding which agents I think I would get along with and those I wouldn’t.
I’ve read all of the comments on this feed as of the time of my post, but there’s one topic I’m not sure was resolved: lists on Twitter. They are a very effective way to manage your Twitter feed, but they are still considered bad form even if you make them private?
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