Blogger: Mary Keeley
Let’s face it, all things Christmas are demanding our attention, and rightly so. You’ve worked hard at your writing career this year, and it’s time to enjoy your accomplishments and put the year’s unfinished goals aside for now. Unless you have a contractual deadline to meet, give yourself permission to adjust priorities for the Christmas holidays.
Easier said than done, you might think, because writers are told they need to write every day. But this season is different. There is purpose in Christmas downtime. 
Remember the many times throughout the year when your family supported you by doing the laundry, accepting microwave dinners with a smile, running your errands, all the while understanding your semi-attentiveness while you were researching or writing. And what about relatives and the friends in your real life who have been relegated to the back burner too long. This special season is your opportunity to gift these VIPs with your full attention and love.
Here are a few suggestions to help you unplug without disconnecting completely.
- First, clear your head. Step away from your computer and, dare I say, away from all things having to do with books and the publishing industry—except our blog, of course, but only briefly.
- Indulge in your favorite Christmas movies without feeling like you should be doing something more productive. This IS productive. It will help you to wind down so you can give yourself fully to those who are most important in your life.
- Visit an older relative, friend, or a lonely person in a retirement home and listen to them reminisce about life and Christmases past. You might be the best Christmas blessing they receive. Chances are their stories will ignite book ideas that perhaps wouldn’t have occurred to you otherwise. Jot them down to think about after the holidays.
Don’t discount the many ways unplugging from your writing life for this short period of time will return a blessing to you too. I guarantee you’ll be excited and eager to get back to writing in 2016, free from nagging pinpricks of guilt and remorse over lost opportunities. Your need to be fully in the moment with your real life, whether consciously recognized or not, will be satisfied. And your heart will be light, having fully given your gift of time and love to others. What better way to be obedient to God’s Word and thank him for his unspeakable gift of Christ.
Embrace your Christmas downtime. You have permission.
What do you do to switch gears and focus 100% on the important people in your life at this time of year? What is the hardest part of unplugging for you? What Christmas traditions are important to you and your family?
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Hi Mary,
Thanks for the encouragement to slow down and enjoy the season of Christ’s birth. I love that you mention visiting a retirement home. I recently learned about a woman at our local retirement home, Wesley Village. Her family hid Jews during WWII in Germany. The Nazis stormed into their home before the Jewish woman had time to hide. They explained she was the cook and housekeeper. The Nazis decided to take over the home and the family continued the charade for months. If I wrote historicals, I’d write her story.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!
Jackie, so often we feel guilty taking time away from our work, right? But occasionally it’s the most effective way to get refreshed and invigorated. I can’t think of a better way to give back to loved ones and start the new year.
Someone should record that woman’s story before it’s too late. What a rich piece of history.
Great advice for most, Mary…but for those with PTSD, Christmas may not be the most wonderful time of the year. It may be a tunnel which ends in a bleak escape – or all too often, self-immolation.
* There are a lot of reasons; the stress of ‘you SHOULD feel happy’, the pressure and demands of frivolity, the overt sentimentality of music and movies (while listening to “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” I once threw a large chair through a window, because it reminded me of friends who would not be home for that day, or any other).
* Perhaps the biggest reason may be surprising – the season’s transience. Combat veterans can know loveliness, and the knowing that the brightness and love that are both physically and emotionally a part of this time of year will be summarily consigned to the Boxing Day rubbish tip are more than one can bear. Maybe the Killer Angels of Shaara’s heart and of all times stand post at the manger all year ’round, and maybe the true Spirit of Christmas burns like a tracer through the heart, through the year. And why can’t everyone else understand that Love is really all that matters?
Oh Andrew, your story of the chair and the window reminded me of our houseparenting days (almost 40 years ago). One of the “juvenile delinquents” in our care pitched a rock through a thermopane picture window in an angry outburst–over a girl, as I recall. Rules were that he had to pay the damage out of his allowance, and I told him we’d be raiding his wages till he was 40. I advised him that the next time he was so upset to seek out the smallest basement window he could find and heave a rock through it. Similar satisfaction, less restitution. I do hope that young man has handled the ups and downs of his life with the same grace you have, Andrew.
Andrew, I can’t begin to feel the depths that those with PTSD experience. I understand from personal experience with a dear relative, that the superficial frivolity culture has made of this holy season can pile stressful demands to be jolly when there is no jolly to be had. You highlight the point that we need to be attentive to what each loved one needs, and for some that means simply focusing on the true joy of Christ’s birth, saving lighthearted frivolity for others.
I do know that something as simple as a stranger’s smile, given sincerely, can brighten a lonely person’s heart for a long time.
Andrew, your transparency wrenches my heart. Thank you.
Andrew,
I do not have PTSD, but have experienced depression at Christmas. There was such a disconnect between what I was feeling inside and what the culture was doing.
* God pulled me out of that pit, and things are much better now.
One thing that helps is realizing that “Emmanuel”–“God with us”–means Jesus comes alongside all of us–those who do all the things associated with Christmas in our culture, those who do them but whose hearts aren’t in it, and those who can’t bear to be around it, because of broken spirits and wounded hearts. Jesus is willing to be with us in whatever condition we are in.
Hi Mary! My husband is in professional theater. This is the first year in about eight years that he’s not in a show during the holidays. I decided just before Thanksgiving that I’d take about a month “off” from serious/scheduled writing to enjoy our little family’s time together. As a matter of a fact, we’ve already fit in all of our extended family visits. From now through New Year’s our plan is simple and relaxed. PJs and hot chocolate. Movie nights. Board games and giggles.
I don’t think anyone ever says, “Gee, I wish I hadn’t spent all that time with my loved ones.” 🙂 Thanks for the great reminder. Merry Christmas!
Oh! If you need board game ideas I am the person to talk to. The Hunky Hubby owns over 200 board games, including some that our 3 boys enjoy as well as those terrible 11 hour epic games that melt your brain. So yep, I am that person you should ask if you are looking for a good game. I’ll just hop on over to the dinning room wall…which is completely covered in games…and take a look. OK, tangent over!
How fun, Kristen Joy! I’d love to hear a few of your favorites. My daughter is seven.
Hmmm…right now they are loving “Zooloretto” where you build your own zoo and “Forbidden Island” where you try to keep the island from sinking and “Snorta” which is a very fast card game with little barns and animals and loud farm animal sounds. They also like “Castle Panic” where you are trying to save the castle from attacking hordes of monsters (they are drawn in a cartoony fashion and not too scary) and of course “Fluch der Mumie” a german game (you can find the rules online in English) where one player moves a mummy around on one side of a vertical board and the other players move their adventurers around on the other side looking for treasure. If the magnet piece that is the mummy comes to close to you, it snatches up your adventurer and they go to the pit of doom. They also like “Forbidden Desert” and “Pitch Car” and “Takenoko” and others…there are so many others. Can you tell the Hunky Hubby is a little addicted? These can all be found online. Boards and Bits or Amazon even. Fun times!
Teresa, that’s a wise investment of your time this year. It sounds totally delightful and is sure to be remembered fondly by all of you. Merry Christmas!
So delightful, indeed. Thanks, Mary!
I always get everything out of the way that has to be done, so I’m completely available for my family. And then something crazy happens, my brain goes into over-drive. And if I don’t get my thoughts down, at least on paper, it feels like I’ll rupture. But I limit my writing time. I wrote one scene this morning, while everyone was asleep. Just 500+ words, not enough to cripple my family time, but enough to get the words out of my head and still make small steps of progress. And then I try to stay in the moment and wait till bedtime to ponder the next scene. So I keep my journal by the bed. *Traditions? Last night, we had the Lord’s Supper at our church. Beautiful service. That’s something I’d love the girls to remember each year. And we just celebrated my mother’s birthday … that always makes us stop and pause to spend special time with her, too.
And I love that most every evening, we watch a Hallmark Christmas movie together. 😉
Shelli, you sound like an organized wife and mom extraordinaire. Your prioritizing them allows your creative thought to flow freely in the times you do have to write? Merry Christmas!
One thing I would suggest in visiting someone who’s alone is that there should be some continuity in the relationship…it shouldn’t be just a charitable ‘seasonal’ visit, especially not when encouraging them to share memories.
* Keeping memories alive may be nice, but if, in the cold light of January, the visits and the sharing stop, the pall of loneliness that can descend may be well-nigh unbearable.
I agree! Share a meal or a cup of coffee. Offer to pick up groceries during a snowy week. There are lots of ways to keep in touch, and we should remember to do that.
Good points, Andrew. Also, make sure people know that you want to be with them because you like them and are interested in them, not because they’re you’re Good Deed at Christmas (or anytime). Nobody wants to feel like someone’s Good Deed.
Exactly, Jenny. Thanks for adding that important point. Merry Christmas!
Good reminder, Andrew. When the normal pace picks up again in January, a frequent card or note to a lonely person you visited can go a long way toward filling the gap when you can’t visit in person.
For me, I’m all done unplugging. The least 2 weeks consisted mostly of audio-books, 1 book with visible words, and typing whilst propped up on 3 pillows and a heating pad. I am seriously DONE with not doing anything.
I did manage to do some baking in the last few days, mostly because we needed to get Out of Town Son’s Christmas package FedEx’d to his somewhat faraway location.
13 pounds of cookies and squares, and 2 pounds of chocolate chips. Yes, chocolate chips. The boy needs his vitamins.
And I did send lemon squares, so, like, that’s basically a fruit.
Our nearest family is a 16 hour drive away and we stopped doing that trek a long time ago. We see Hub’s family every summer, so, not seeing them at Christmas isn’t so hard. Not seeing my family is much harder, but I’m thankful for Skype.
Ahh, tradition? Well, we sort of have something we call The Major Family Feast after the Christmas Eve service. It is a serious, all out, ‘tell me in time and I will make or buy it and wear stretchy pants’ meal.
One year though, we left everything in the fridge. Why? John, my sweet darling husband, called from the grocery store in a slight panic. That man NEVER panics EVER. (We’ve got four kids. Did he panic in the delivery room? Nope. Not once.)
“Honey!?!?! Lobster is 4.99 a pound! People are going nuts!”
($4.99 Canadian is roughly $3.99 American.)
He got *some*. It was ridiculous. The kids were so full, they were groaning.
We still speak of that night in reverent whispers.
😉
Is that price for lobster expensive or cheap? Were the people rioting in anger, or because they thought they would not get any?
* And WHY did you not call me? I have not suppressed a riot in YEARS!!!!!
It was a Canadian store thus, “pardon me, excuse me, SO sorry…may I have 10 please?”
All one has to do to suppress a Canadian “riot” is clear your throat and ask people to use their inside voices.
Regular price is 8$-$11 per pound.
What you did for out-of-town son makes my heart so happy. 😉
Jennifer, I’m amazed at all you accomplished while you were down for the count in extreme pain. You are an overcomer for sure, and the most prominent ingredient your son will taste in those 13 pounds (!) of cookies is LOVE.
What a lovely post. It’s always good to have someone tell you downtime is okay.
We are taking out annual trip into NYC this weekend. The girls are bringing a couple of friends, which will be a new experiment. With a book or two in my bag, I plan to be unplugged enough that I won’t be online except once a day to make sure all is well.
Cheryl, I remember your mentioning your family’s annual trip to NYC last year. It’s good to hear the tradition continues. Different setting, away from the normal routine, helps to unplug and focus on family. Have fun!
Thank you! This is the second post I’ve read in two days that addresses a writer’s need for down time during the holiday season. I admit that I left the first draft of my second novel unfinished at the beginning of December due to international travel, family visits, and, well, the needs of three busy middle schoolers. But I’ve felt guilty about it, obsessed that I’ll lose my sense of direction–just angsty, in general. But I just can’t seem to get back into it right now (at 80,000+ words I still don’t have an ending). I’ve decided to blog a little, write one poem per day (as is my habit), and read good books this season, instead of worrying. It’s hard, but I need to step back in order to be present in these moments. I have to trust that I can stick my toes back in to the novel pond come January. Thanks for the permission.
I love that you’re stepping back and doing other things you enjoy—writing poetry and reading good books. 🙂 I may be just the tiniest bit jealous right this moment at the thought of doing that. 🙂
I love, “Stick my toes back in the novel pond…”
Hannah, it sounds like down time for mind, body, and spirit is exactly what you need right now. Don’t feel guilty. When January comes around, you might be amazed by how fresh and recharged you are. Embrace and enjoy your down time.
I so enjoyed your post, Mary. And the benefits you name are definitely true. 🙂 It seems like each year I do things slightly differently. This year, I’m taking a blogging break so I have that time to devote to my family.
*I have a project I really want to finish, but with hubby traveling, there hasn’t been time. I’ve tried to spend extra time with my boys. I had to determine in my mind that this project simply wouldn’t be done by my deadline . . . and be okay with that.
*We decorated our tree early this year since hubby would be gone when we normally do it. We’ve enjoyed the lights and decorations around the house. With the boys on Christmas break, we’ll be playing and baking (as per their request!) and relaxing together.
*Two movies we watch every year are The Muppets Christmas Carol and The Nativity Story. We pop up popcorn and enjoy each movie together.
Jeanne, it sounds like you’re doing well at letting go of self-imposed deadlines to be flexible and fully present with family. How can we resist when our children–and grandchildren, I might add–request special together activities. A blessing indeed. Enjoy your playing-baking-relaxing-movie time together.
Exactly! I’m definitely planning on enjoying family time. I think the game of RISK might be included in that. 🙂 Though the boys don’t know it yet. 😉
Mary….thank you for confirming this. I haven’t been writing at all! Guilt? You bet. But I also have decorated my house, made breads and cookies with my daughter, watched sappy Christmas movies with my husband, been to Christmas concerts in the nearby small town, and have even drank some too sugary Eggnog! In other words, I am enjoying the season. Even my 17 year old has come out of his room and sat by the fire with us! I decided after Thanksgiving to give it all a break. I thought the agents (who must be waiting breathlessly for my manuscript) are equally wanting to take some time to enjoy he SPIRIT of the holidays. And there is a spirit to savor. My writing is still there. My novels are still good. Nothing is changing…except I am creating moments to remember, and maybe even to write about! Merry Christmas!
Elizabeth, what a great example. It’s so important to create those warm family times that draw teenagers to want to spend time with the family. Unless we have deliberate down time, those spontaneous opportunities can be missed.
Love these, especially the suggestion to visit older people and listen to their stories. Sometimes those close to them are too busy to listen, or have heard the stories so many times that they tune them out. And they don’t have to be old! People young and old carry stories inside, and listening and showing interest is a wonderful way to bless someone.
Amen, Jenny.
Hmmm…I guess I don’t really unplug for the holidays. I don’t think I’ll write Christmas morning, although sitting in the silent house next to the tree with my coffee at 4:00am while the snow gently sifts down outside sounds just perfect. Although, that is exactly what I am doing now…it is 10:00 though. The Hunky Hubby and I will be up too late wrapping presents on Christmas Eve for me to get up that early on the big day…except to put in the turnkey. But the way that I give my whole heart to my family over Christmas is that I write at 4:00am and forget about writing while they are awake. If my Mom and sister-in-law want to stay up past 9:00 and watch a movie together I will do that with them most likely…but pretty much, I write. I agree with your reasons for taking a break though. Christmas is an important time to give to our families and concentrate upon them. I’ve managed to be able to do that and still get into bed by 9:00, so that is my plan. But you have encouraged me to quite possibly make a few exceptions over our 2 week break from school. A romantic movie with Christmas cookies and my husband or time with my Mom is certainly not wasted. Important and vital and real. These things must be cherished just as much as a good work ethic.
“These things must be cherished just as much as a good work ethic.” So true, Kristen. You are one of those highly disciplined writers who can accomplish both simultaneously and do it well. Do you ever feel the need for down time so that you can recharge your creative mind?
I didn’t mention my huge pile of laundry…but I don’t write if I am attending our yearly writer’s conference or if I have a special date with my Hubby or on Christmas day or on Vacation! We went camping for a week and I didn’t write even once, I read good books late at night with a flashlight while swatting away mosquitos, but didn’t write.
A caveat–and this is sort of a tangent–but while extending friendship is lovely, try not to assume that just because someone is “alone” (i.e., not surrounded by family and activity the way you are) that they are lonely and in need of rescue. A quiet life is not necessarily an empty life, and it is disrespectful to assume that someone else’s way of observing the holiday is inadequate. They may be perfectly blissful spending the day with a good meal, a crackling fire, carols on the stereo, and a tall stack of books. (Ask me how I know…). 🙂
Cigars and Pit Bulls…don’t forget the cigars and Pits!
Sounds blissful to me too, Jenny.
Great post, Mary. I learned, years ago, that our family, people in general, should always be considered our first ministry. Wise writers taught me to schedule down time, family time, and, most importantly, time with God every day. In order for me to write productively, time with God has to come first. 🙂 I also learned that if we write with consistency we won’t mind dropping what we’re doing so we can make sure our family knows they come first. I consider down time necessary year round, and commit to scheduling down time as much as writing time. Some of my best ideas have come when I was enjoying life and resting in God’s presence.
Lots of wise advice in what you said, Xochi.
I love this, Mary! I turned a manuscript in in November and, knowing freelancing opportunities always slow down this time of year, I made up my mind to enjoy the holidays. Like you said, I’d spent several months locked in my room ignoring my family, and when I did spend time with them I was usually distracted.
I’m so glad I did this! I went shopping with my sisters and parents without feeling guilty or needing to rush home, spent more time with friends, and poured my creative energy into crocheting ornaments for people who have blessed my life this year. Yesterday I helped my niece make a Yule log for French class and enjoyed feeling fully present and relaxed.
I now see that my brain needed a rest after writing a book that required reliving painful memories. When the new year begins, I’ll be ready to dive back in to writing!