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Avoid These Lines in Your Query Letter

Blogger: Rachelle Gardner

I was going through my current batch of query letters, and while many of them are very good, it reminded me how difficult it is to write a strong pitch. You have to accomplish so many things in a concise format: introduce your book in a way that the agent wants to read it; give just enough information about yourself to be helpful; convey a bit of your personality; avoid query landmines and clichés.

I understand it’s not easy. I never reject writers for making one silly mistake in a query — I sincerely assess whether the book being pitched looks interesting to me. But as I was going through my current batch, I found most of the same kinds of “sigh worthy” lines that I’ve been seeing for years. Try not to say things like this:

• I’m certain this memoir will be a huge success!

• My book will make readers laugh out loud.

• All those other Christian books are getting it wrong – but my book gets it right.

• I have published five books with PublishAmerica, all of which have been listed on Amazon.

• I  am writing a fiction novel.

• Have you ever wondered…?

• Several agents have already passed on my book, but had positive things to say. Here are excerpts about my book from three other agents’ emails.

What is the hardest thing about writing a query letter? Have you made these (or other) mistakes?

 

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  1. Loved this, Rachelle! Circumstances make it doubtful that I shall be querying again (but you’ll be the first to know if I do, upon checking your inbox), and that’s OK. Had a good run. it’s been fun.
    * In retrospect, the hardest thing about querying was that I didn’t trust my voice; I tried to put on airs, to make everything compelling in a couple of paragraphs instead of just saying, “Hey, here’s what the book’s about, and here’s the hook that I think will make people want to read it.”

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  2. * I’m sure mine have been as bad, or worse. After so many years in the corporate world, it’s easy to lapse into “business-ese” when writing a letter. (Take the previous sentence, for example.)
    * So I try to think of my query as a letter to a new friend. It makes it easier to share everything you’ll need without adding the clichés or cringe-worthy bits.

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  5. I think the hardest thing is the uncertainty. In a face-to-face you want to be personable. In the query, professional yet have the subtle reminder of that first meeting. Every sentence is painful to write because you second guess every word. Does it do the job you want it to?
    I didn’t commit any of those in mine, but now I’ll need to go back and read through it…again.

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  6. I have certainly written queries with “Have you ever wondered” and “imagine if your father were made the Decoy King overnight and then you find out the job is more dangerous than the chief eunuch let on” kinds of things in them. But I don’t think I ever sent them. I read blogs and heard not to … even though it was really hard to believe the info as I do love my “imagine…” sentences. Sigh. I seem to do better pitching at a conference … perhaps everyone does.

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      • I bet you’d enjoy a conference pitch, Jaxon. It’s talking one-on-one about the book you love with someone who’s goal is to find something or someone to take on in a fruitful working relationship. You read each other’s responses and tailor what you say to that, just like in a regular conversation. I think that’s much easier than crafting a 1-page letter that captures the essence of your book and your own unique qualities as an author in a way that triggers a proposal request.

  7. Query letters are HARD to write. Making one professional, unique, revealing my voice, memorable, informative . . . all on one page. It’s tough.
    *I think the trickiest aspect of writing a query letter is getting my “voice” into such a short letter in an authentic way.
    *I’m curious, Rachelle. Is there one aspect of a query letter that agents tend to read first or place a higher value on?

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  9. Queries are scary, but fires are horrifying. I’m glad to see you back in your slot, Rachelle. Wendy has done a magnificent job of holding down the fort. Still praying for you all and your families and hoping things are a bit better.

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  10. Once again great blog content with many comments that confirmed the importance of knowing how to handle words in the manner the situation calls for, in this instance a query letter. I’m so personable I think I could have a tendency to not be professional enough or rambling on. My brain is such a big think tank, that it takes time tp formulate just the right words in concise language. It does take time, with reading it aloud multiple times and revisions as needed. Thank you Rachelle for the post.

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  12. Waiting for a reply. Really, it’s harder waiting three months for an answer than work. Put yourself on a Do Not Call list and wait for an answer.

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  13. I’ve made at least two of these mistakes. I’m too embarrassed to admit which ones. The important things is I’ve learned from my mistakes, and I’ve gotten better. At least I hope I have.

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