Blogger: Rachelle Gardner
1. Use a generic greeting (To Whom It May Concern or my favorite, Dear Sirs) or address it to the wrong name. (Our names are Janet, Wendy, Rachel, Mary, and Rachelle. There are no “sirs” here.)
2. Say in your query that there’s never been a book as amazing as yours since The Holy Bible — yours will be the single most life-changing book I’ve EVER read.
3. Forget to include a Starbucks card. (I’m KIDDING, okay? I do not accept bribes. Except maybe chocolate. But no, just KIDDING. Really.)
4. Check on the status of your query daily. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
5. Slide your proposal under the bathroom stall at a writers conference. (Though this would be considered a kind gesture if the agent’s stall happens to be out of toilet paper.)
6. Slam the publishing industry in your query. Or explain how your book will save publishing. Or talk about all those terrible books out there, and how your book is the answer to all of that.
7. Pitch 27 different book ideas in the same query and ask the agent which one she would like to represent first.
8. Submit projects that we don’t represent, explaining that you’re certain we will change our minds once we see how brilliantly your techno-fantasy-historical-noir-romance-memoir is written.
9. Pitch a hackneyed plot we’ve seen a thousand times before and fail to include even one tiny element that makes it feel unique or fresh.
10. Say in your query that you realize the agent has a blog but you’ve never read it because after all, you’re a serious writer and you just don’t have time for that kind of thing, you’re too busy writing and all that. (LIE, people, seriously.)
Okay, your turn. Let’s title today’s comments Ways to Annoy a Writer. Go for it.
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I laughed so hard when I read number 10. Doesn’t lying come naturally to writers? Well at least it should to those of us who write fiction. Why would a writer hand over his/her ms to an agent he/she knows nothing about Yikes! And bothering an agent while on the toilet. Gross!
Here is how to annoy a writer.
Tell a writer who is Canadian that Canadians can’t write.
Ask a writer to work for free even though your company can afford to pay the writer.
Suggest that the writer buy a lottery ticket as he/she is more likely to win the lottery than to get published.
Finally, say that writers like J. K. Rowling can’t write, but not be able to back it up with any real evidence or examples. Get off the I hate you because it’s cool bandwagon and get an opinion of your own!
“I want to be Alberta bound!”
As if we Canadians only write 1000 words and 900 of them are “eh?” and the other 100 are the theme songs from Friendly Giant and Mr Dressup.
Ask “any news” every time you see us (thus reminding us how long it’s been since there HAS been any news), as if there’s a possibility that we suddenly “made it big” and forgot to mention it.
Constantly send us advertisements or blogs you found about how to self-publish or better yet publish with this house that “charges a really reasonable rate.” I appreciate the thought, really, but it’s kind of like telling me, “you know, you’re never going to make it traditionally.”
Oooh! Love these! I have a friend who keeps sending me links and telling me about people he’s heard about who have self-published. I guess we’re getting the “smile politely” training we’ll need when we make it big. Right?
Here are my thoughts on this post:
If, as an agent, you decide my work is right for your agency then please do your best to help me get my stories published…don’t just push me aside for someone you consider more important.
Be honest with me. Help guide me by showing me weaknesses in my work so that I may continue to grow as a writer. I don’t expect you to do my work for me, but constructive comments are always appreciated. YOU are the industry expert and I can learn from you!
As a writer I will do my best to not “stalk” you with daily phone calls, emails, text messages, smoke signals, etc. but if I DO have a question, please pay me the courtesy of a timely response.
Agents work very hard for their clients. Good writers put their best efforts into each project. Open communication on both sides goes a long way to making a successful business relationship.
Thanks, Rachelle, for all you do for the writing community!
Donna L Martin
http://www.donasdays.blogspot.com
donasdays@gmail.com
http://www.donnalmartin.com
Here’s a few I’ve already heard and thought for sure I’d get a few books published before it happened.
#1 I want to write a story about my life, any suggestions: hint, I want You to write my story.
#2 You don’t work, right? (As if writing a book, and taking care of my family isn’t work.)
On #2: when people take it as a hobby and treat it as such (can’t you write when you have company?), or a guest knocks on your office door at 11 p.m., “time to go to bed,” as if they live here without understanding that writing doesn’t have normal office hours. LOL.
Oh yes, as a SAHM, I get the question you listed in #2. 🙂 I ignore them, knowing what the truth is as a mom and a writer.
On #2, I love, “Since you’re home all day, you have plenty of time to serve on this committee/drive my children around since I WORK/make a hundred phone calls for this project/chaperone the middle school dance.” Uh, no, I don’t.
Winter — yes, even literary agents get those!
Number 2 makes me so mad!
LOL. When writers guidelines are confusing and contradict previous pages making my job more difficult. LOL. That isn’t you guys. It was a publication.
My kids keep wondering why I’m laughing out loud. This post was hilarious, Rachelle. I think one question that bothers me is, “You’re starting over? Again?!” Um, yes. Because writing=re-writing. Non-writers don’t seem to understand that concept. 🙂
Jeanne, non-writers are pretty much clueless about EVERYTHING in the writing and publishing world, right?
So true. 🙂
Oh man! My kids just came to see what was wrong because I was laughing so loud.
My favorite is when I say, “honey, I finished my revision today.”
Thoughtful reply? “What? Again? I thought you finished months ago…”
This one is so tough for me too, especially if I haven’t seen someone for a while. “What chapter are you working on?…Really, only Chapter four? Weren’t you working on that when I saw you last?” Yes, that was the original draft. This time I’m re-writing after several edits. Thanks for indicating I haven’t made any progress; ot sometimes feels like it to me, too 🙂
I’ve written and deleted three comments, all based on true-life experience (and none of them involving you, Rachelle, or your colleagues at Books & Such), because I don’t want to slam individuals in the industry in public. Come to think of it, doing that is one way an agent can annoy a writer (as well as vice-versa).
Thanks for your words of wisdom. Even if it doesn’t work as a bride, chocolate is always a good ice breaker, though. 🙂
Putting on my former writer hat, I loved this comment:
“What have you written that I might have read?”
And Wendy, isn’t it annoying when someone you just met – particularly someone who has probably never read a Christian book in their life – says, “What authors do you represent? Any I might have heard of?”
I was halfway out the door to get the Starbucks card before I read the just joking part! Thanks for the tips. I enjoy your blog and yes, I actually do read it.
Hahahaha! Item 5 is a HOOT!! If a writer has the nerve to do that, their manuscript SHOULD be used for toilet paper. What annoys writers? Interruptions. Blank sheets of paper that I stare at just blinking. A flying cockroach that got into my house last night. But not agents or publishers. They’re part of the dream-come-true process!
1) Can you write something for our church project (for free of course) and then someone decides after the research and time you spent writing not to use it at all for that church project.
2) I write technical documents for NASA and people outside of my company ask me if they can see examples of my technical writings. A few reasons why they can’t:
a) Technical documents are controlled. If they need to see it, they would need the clearance or be granted the permission.
b) Technical documents can be very boring. Not as exciting as a bestselling novel or nonfiction.
c) I’ve seen equations that would make your head spin. Understanding the Rosetta Stone would be easier.
3) You can’t make a living off of your writings. (Depends on what you write. I’ve done well with tecnical writing and continue doing well with technical writing. If I sell my novel someday to a publisher for even a small amount of money and someone reads it that will reward enough.)
4) Technical writing is not real writing. (Fools, you don’t know the paper trail that is required to get anything up to the Space Station.)
5) You shouldn’t try to be a writer.
Rachelle, I love your blog today. Sorry to vent but you did ask.
I loved this!! Especially 2 and 4.
Oh, my goodness, Lori!
I would LOVE to interview you about writing tech stuff for NASA. I write a blog called “Rocket Science for the Rest of Us” about the space industry, and I’d love to share with my readers some of the lesser-known behind-the-scenes work that goes on. Any chance we could “talk?”
I’m very flattered. Let me get back to you.
I’d like to “pin” this post on my “Makes Me Smile” board! Loved the post and LOVED the comments! What a great way to start the morning. Hope you all have a Tea-riffic day.
Do people really TELL YOU they haven’t read your blog? Seriously people. Just don’t mention that at all.
Ask the writer, “When is your book going to be a movie?” “When are you going to be on Oprah?” Or the polar opposite, “How nice that you have a hobby you enjoy so much.”
Or, I know someone who could do the cover for your next book. Um…my publisher does that.
You’ve experienced every single one of these, haven’t you? Multiple times. There are books you could write about these. (Hmm, pitch to an agent “10 Ways to Annoy a Literary Agent”?)
Wow, first on your personal blog and now on this blog…an open forum for writers to complain. 😛
I’m not really annoyed with this as much as I am finding it difficult, but there can be just so many varied opinions about the same book. I hate that there’s no way to please everyone, but such is life, I suppose.
These have already been mentioned, I think. But for the sake of redundancy…
“I knew you would be able to drive for the field trip, since you don’t work.”
“Hasn’t that book been published YET?!”
“When your book comes out, you’ll give me a free copy, right?”
and
“Are you still working on that book?”
Yes! I get ALL of these. Especially, “Isn’t it published yet?” and “Are you still working on that?”
Groan to the free book request. Most friends and acquaintances realize I don’t have boxes of freebies to give away just because my name’s on the cover. But once in a while someone will say, “Hey, can you get me a copy of your book?”
Oh my goodness, yes!!! During my rejection letter years, I felt like I was 9 1/2 months pregnant – “Haven’t you had that baby yet????”
And the free books….sure, if you give me free food from your grocery/free medical care from your doctor’s office/a free kitchen remodel…
How to annoy a writer:
For an agent to have inaccurate information on their website as to what they are looking for. In preparing for one conference I did my homework and picked out my #1 coice for an agent appointment (not a B&S agent), based on the genres/types of books listed on her website. I got the appointment, and after I pitched she basically said, “Why did you pitch that to me? I only represent books for women.” Her website did not contain that bit of information, and I wasted my time and hers.
So true!
You..aren’t done yet? How hard can it be?
My favorite way to annoy an editor is to address her or him as follows:
Dear Editor Type. This reduces an editor to a generic, almost mechanical entity. If I’m really, really, not looking to publish, it’s straight for the jugular: Dear Editor Sub-Type.
Not you, of course, Rachelle, but agents who
bark their orders concerning exactly what they
want as if writers are bad children.
The things I love (read: detest passionately) to hear when I say I’m a writer are:
1. How much money do you make? (No one’s business but mine, last time I checked).
2. Do you have a job? (Why yes, I have a DAY job, but thanks for assuming that writing isn’t a job in and of itself)
3. [when told I write sci-fi] Why don’t you write a real book? (So those things on my shelf are zombies?)
4. You’ll be giving away lots of free copies, and I’ll have one right? (Sure, let me kill my revenue before I gather it, thanks.)
1.
Twit-“What’s it about?”
Me-“A Navajo man and a white woman”
Twit-“Why?”
Me-crickets.
Why NOT?
Mr Darcy was already taken, as was Tarzan and Luke Skywalker. Of course those PLAUSIBLE ideas are already taken. So I guess I’ll see what’s at the bottom of the barrel.
2.”Why don’t you write about Esther or Mary, or the other Mary, you know, it’s better for a Christian to tell a story from the Bible.”
I believe God already did that. And yeah, *no one* has tried to re-write those in the last 2000 years.
3.”Do you think it’s good to rob your family of your precious time?”
No, but I bet yours wouldn’t mind. (oh my! I wrote that in public!)
4.”Why do you think you are qualified to write this story?” Because I said so. 🙂
When somebody tells you that they are a writer, roll your eyes (or raise your brow) and say in a condescending tone “Oh, you’re a writer are you?” – we just love to see that reaction.
I love that look! It makes me feel all warm inside. 😉
“You write historicals? I’ve got some ideas for books like: a Revolutionary War story, a Civil War story and a WWI story. Now if you ever use any of those ideas, you’d better give me credit.”
Hahahaha! Can they get more vague? And selfish?
You can guarantee to annoy this writer if your argument for why women are under-represented in SFF magazines and anthologies is: Nobody’s being sexist; it’s just women can’t write as well as men.
For Rachelle, other agents have told stories of receiving annoying proposals that arrive covered with glitter glue, or addressed by hand in red crayon, etc. Any annoying tricks like that you can share? 😉
As for annoying the writer, yes, this week I experienced once again the person who contacts me in hopes that I will write up her life story and thereby make “a lot of money” for both of us. Sorry, probably not unless your name is Donald Trump.
Rick, I don’t have many of those stories anymore because I haven’t accepted snail-mail submissions for years! Email only. For me, the funniest ones are the queries I receive at least once a week, the ones that say this will be the most important, life-changing book I’ve ever read, and that the author has found entirely BRAND NEW revelations from scripture and the world will never be the same once everyone reads about them!
I’m still working on my novel–4th draft in 3 years, each immeasurably better than the last and so far beyond my earliest scribbles that, aside from the names of the characters, it’s unrecognizable. The only person who isn’t being supportive is the one who read the earliest scribbles and decided I don’t write well at all, and will tell me so when he thinks I should be cleaning the house instead. See, I need to “get my priorities right.” THAT bugs me.
Still not convinced #3 really belongs on this list. If you have to tell us twice you’re not serious, you’re probably serious.
Besides, #3 is the only one that gives me a fighting chance!
I don’t do anything annoying (my husband might disagree). However, I do have a question. An editor for a publisher asked to read my manuscript. If they want to publish it, do I then look for an agent?
Big topic… most agents have blogged about it at one time or another. This will answer your question:
You Have an Offer
I used to think it was just a joke that people would corner editors and agents in public restrooms or push mss under the doors of toilet stalls. But I actually saw someone doing that at a Christian (!!) writers conference. It’s hard to believe anyone could be so rude.
Janet, you’re not joking? Somehow, I doubt that method would make any agent flush with excitement…
LOL! No, I’m not joking, but you are.
#1. After actually asking about my writing (!) and listening to me excitedly describe my concept (!), ruining the wonderful feeling of finally being taken seriously by wrinkling your nose and saying “That’ll never sell.”
If that’s gonna be your reaction, just don’t even ask, Doghouse Guy. 😛
Also, hearing about video games for the 100th time from an overexcited six-year-old while trying to remember where I left off when I had to stop and deal with a diaper emergency yesterday… The talking… it never stops… it never even changes – where do I shut off the endless loop function on my child?
Okay, Paula, have you been listening in on my “discussions” (one-sided) with my 12-year-old gaming nut? Oh, wait… that probably doesn’t give you much hope, does it? 😉
Paula, I know you don’t want to hear this, but enjoy that endless loop, because some day you’re going to miss it. Spoken as a mother of young adults (17 and 19).
Make sure you get grown up time. Nurutre your creative juices. Hang with your besties.
I agree with Marian, one day this will chattering and diaper duty will all be a memory. Without getting too personal, I give up 5 years of my life to go back and guide my daughter down a different path. I’d even give up writing.
I don’t address an initial query to any agent using their first name, unless it’s someone I know. I’m sorry to hear that a query to Ms. Gardner is inappropriate.
It might also be nice if agents posted a short list of undesirable/unwanted romance tropes to their blog or website. Considering the fact that even the most cliche plots continue to sell at a rapid pace (secret baby/marriage of convenience, for instance) it’s good to let potential submitters know in advance those queries are not welcome.
OT- I don’t have anything ready to send yet, but now I want to mail a Starbucks card to an agent as an anonymous joke/thanks for reading slush 🙂
Holy moly, that’s hilarious! Thanks for the giggles Rachelle. However, I was curious. Would a Starbucks card really work?! 😉
Okay ~ how to annoy a writer:
– Oh, you don’t have a real job. You’re a writer.
– You have time to do it because you’re at home all day.
– Seriously. Write this up for me really quick.
– Hey, you’re not doing anything…
Probably should add comments about weight and age in there. Something like, “I think we can really work well together since you look so much like my grandmother … before she lost all that weight.” Ouch!
I’m too much of a newbie to get annoyed yet – it’s all exciting and fun! Sent my proposal out this week to agents and already got my first “nibble” – i love it!
Plus my #1 strength in the Strengthsfinder book is Positivity so it takes A LOT to get me annoyed but research shows that it’s definitely possible (just ask my husband). 😀
Things that annoy me as a writer:
1) Running out of coffee
2) Instant assumptions of fame and fortune upon publication (fingers crossed, though)
3) Running out of coffee
4) Twitter’s omnipresent subconscious summons
5) Assumption that interruptions are okay; after all, I’m “just” writing
6) “How many words do you have to go?” instead of “Where are you in the story?”
7) Running out of…never mind
8) Them: “Ooh, I’d love to read it!” Me: “Okay, but only if you give some feedback.” Them: “Definitely. Absolutely. I’d love to!” [Insert black hole here]
9) Lack of time
10) Writer’s lack of respect for agents 🙂
Apparently the number “eight” with a parenthesis (my previous post) turns into a smiley face with sunglasses. Now I know.
Tim
scienceforfiction.com
I have to try that, I just have to!
“8”
(8) (8) (8)
Um… didn’t work for me.
Maybe this will work:
8)
Alrighty then…well at least I spell hello on a calculator.
It bothers me when agents and editors won’t put their names up with the guidelines for submission, so you’re forced to address it to an unknown entity.
Hmm, I had no idea anyone did that. How annoying.
I get: “I have a story for you.” One woman told me about this bizarre dream she had where goats were killing everyone, and expected me to jump on it for my next novel. I thanked her, and told her it was a lovely idea. One woman told me I should write about her clients. Um, no thank you.
Goats? That’s already been made into a movie. With sheep, though. (“Black Sheep”-2006)
I loved this list. I’m sure my husband thought me mad to chuckle so loudly while reading, but I don’t care.
#5 should never happen in real life! In a movie, possibly. That would be the ms that gets left behind in the stall.
How to annoy a writer:
#1. Your entire family knows you write, and you write well, but are constantly recommending to family and friends, in your presence, that they know this writer who would be ideal to help them with their paying project, and that writer isn’t you.
#2. Co-workers/acquaintances have mind-blowing story ideas that you should write and they should make money from. “You write the book and I’ll be in charge of dealing with the movie rights.” No thank you. The only people who will benefit from my hard-earned success will be my husband and children.
#3. “Oh, you’re a writer? What do you write? Anything I’ve heard of?” (Someday, I hope so!) “What do you write? Oh. Fantasy and sci-fi. Are you trying to be the next Stephanie Meyer or J.K. Rowling?” (Nope, but kudos to them for encouraging children and teenagers to read fantasy novels of considerable length.)
#4. My favorite is the back-handed insult. “That’s a nice idea, but it’s not really up there with Vonnegut or Dostoevsky.” -Do you really read either of them? Or are you just throwing out fancy names? This was the one I encountered during college ALL the time, always from the other students in my English/writing classes.
Ugh! Fantasy and Science fiction ARE valid genres! (Read Asimov, for goodness sake.)
I’ve also gotten a lot of the “You should write Christian books. That’s more appropriate for Mormons, you know.” Ha! Tell that to Orson Scott Card or Brandon Sanderson!
Oh, that was long. Sorry!
Love #4!!
“You’re a writer? Read this and tell me what you think!”
*accompanied by a 40k+ rough draft*
Or as mentioned by a couple others: “I have a great idea for you to write about!”
Oy!
Oh yes, these happen to me all the time!
How to annoy a writer: Ignore them.
Fun comments!
I’m coming late to the party, but here we go…
3 Ways an Agent Can Annoy a Writer:
1. Give me 27 reasons why I really, REALLY need an agent, then tell me that the odds of getting one are about 3,042 to 1.
2. Read my query before you’ve had your morning coffee. LOTS and LOTS of it.
3. Hint that chocolate will influence your decision, then reject me—AFTER I’ve signed you up for a year’s worth of Russell Stover Caramels, Chews, & Nougats.
It’s always helpful to be advised what not to do. Your guidelines are very clear, so it would seem to me that a reasonably intelligent author with a reasonably engaging story should be able to figure it out. I’ve heard it said that agents are eager to find reasons NOT to read manuscripts, since it isn’t humanly possible to consider all the manuscripts that are queried. It’s up to us writers to dazzle and delight in the manner the agent prescribes. Seems simple to me.
I have a good one–when I told someone I wrote romances for the Christian market, they asked, “how do you write all that sex if it’s Christian?”
My response? “Um, I don’t.” Why does everyone assume romance means you-know-what?? Ugh!
Can we slide chocolate under the bathroom stall at a writers’ conference? 🙂
I love this list, Rachelle. It’s a good thing I had finished my tea before I started reading or my poor keyboard would need to be replaced.
There are really only two ways I get annoyed in this business. The first is when you have no idea how long an agent is going to take before accepting or rejecting your work. I like it when websites state clearly if you haven’t heard anything from us in “X” number of weeks, then we’re not interested at this time. Maybe not realistic, but in my perfect world that’s how it would be.
In a perfect world, I would also have the support of my husband for the career path I’ve chosen. He compares my trying to attract an agent to figure skating: no matter how good I am, there is still a good chance I won’t impress the judges enough to win.
Thanks for a great chuckle.
Ways to annoy a writer:
1. Tell me again how I would be so much more successful if I self-publish because JA Konrath knows lots of successful self-publishers. (Advice usually seen in blogs, newsletters, or FB.) Bonus points if you then offer my your sure-fire plan to self-publishing success.
2. Tell me that to market better online, I need to make people like me so they’ll buy my books.
3. I have to agree with you and Debbie–authors who claim that the industry is “against them” in some way (or doesn’t understand them, is biased against their gender/race/religion, etc.) are annoying to other writers as well.
And my favorite author annoying author: ask for critique, then attack the critiquer.
I have a possibly contentious corollary to #1: lecture others on how to be a successful writer when your Amazon catalog is entirely self-published.
Bonus points if the writing blog offering the advice is a painful example of why the blogger was never picked up by an agent/publisher in the first place.
Thought of one more! “You write science fiction? Then you must have read…” Ah, yes, hundreds, maybe thousands, of science fiction writers, and my credibility rests on knowing the 2 or 3 you read.
This is sure a popular topic and the post and many of the comments are hilarious, but 87 of them are enough and I can’t get the unsubscribe link to work. Help!
Sorry, Janet, don’t know how to help! I’m sure the comments will ease up now.
Thanks, Rachelle.
#1 Agents who tell me it’s not OK to pitch my techno-fantasy-historical-noir-romance-memoir. That always bursts my balloon.
#2 Agents who won’t even respond with “no thanks.” I got a rejection that was about that short and was happy to have a response so I could record it in my growing database of rejections. Better that then no reply.
#3 Interruptions. I know this is a repeat from other posts but for me a two second interruption costs me at least forty minutes of writing time. That’s how long it takes me to get re-immersed in the story, keeping track of what each character is thinking, feeling, planning. Then someone comes in and says “You’ve had an hour can you help me with something” AUGHH! yes it was an hour of real time but only 15 minutes of productive writing. And people wonder why some of my best writing is done from 11p – 3a.
Thanks for the chuckle. Right now I can’t think of anything that would annoy me–I’m too amused by all the posts. Have to try the sunglasses smiley face. 8)
It worked. Yea! 8)
OK here are two that people have said to me:
1) Why don’t you send your book to several publishers and then tell them you are taking bids and you’ll sell it to the highest bidder?
2) You should send this to the people that published Harry Potter. They’ll love it.
Such helpful tips. 🙂
Only one thing annoys me. When an agent says, “I’ll call to talk to you about XX” and then doesn’t call, or even email to say, “Sorry, too busy.” or even “Sorry, changed my mind.”
Fortunately, this is pretty rare.
How about asking for a reponse from authors- 10 Ways a Literary Agent Annoy Authors…
Agents who, at a conference, say “Can you send me three chapters next week,” and then take 11 months and two reminders to find the chapters somewhere in their heaps and say No.
The other peeve, not about agents, is critique group members who say, “This is sooo great that I just can’t think of any improvements.” Which probably means they didn’t read the ms coming in.
The most annoying thing to writers is ‘writers’.
I read three chapters for a friend who kept bringing up her novel, and whining that none of her beta readers would give her feedback. She looked at my comments on what I thought worked and what I thought needed improved, and whined that this wasn’t what she meant by feedback. She had no intention of editing or rewriting, because she was writing for herself, not for others or for publication.
Which is fine, until she started nagging others to read, to praise her for being a writer, to offer specific and detailed praise of her writing (her definition of ‘feedback’, as it turns out). At that point, it’s not ‘writing for one’s own pleasure’, it’s ‘nagging others to participate in one’s hobby’.
It never occurred to her that the reason nobody wanted to read was that her writing was terrible–and would remain terrible until she started listening to actual feedback.
(Apologies. Most annoying thing to THIS writer. Love how I only see the errors and typos after posting…)
Non-writing people asking, “how much do you make doing that?” Because clearly, the only reason anyone would ever write anything is for financial profit.
Ways to annoy a writer….
1. Ask for free books. (HIM: You don’t expect me to PAY for your book do you?. ME: Of course not. Now, about my transmission…)
2. Editor: I’ll get back to you tomorrow…. Reality: 6 weeks later, an email.
Whew! [passed that test!] Love the blogs! Don’t always have a reply, but enjoy the exchanges!
TEN WAYS TO ANNOY A SEASONED NOVELIST
1. “Oh my God, are you a writer???? Have you ever been published????”
2. “That Dostoevsky dude wasn’t very good with prose, was he?”
3. “I just got laid off from work, so I wrote my own version of Harry Potter.”
4. “Have you ever sold a million copies of any of your novels?”
5. “How many times have you slept with your agent?”
6. “Do you know what font Hans Christian Andersen used?”
7. “Where do you get your ideas from, God or the Internet?”
8. “Did you go back in time when you wrote about the baroque period?”
9. “Oh, you’re from Scandinavia. Then you must know Stieg Larsson.”
10. “Have you sent your new book to Oprah? She doesn’t have anything else to read.”
God bless the world of letters!
To Whom it May Concern, my book IS the best thing since the bible, when Oprah reads it she’ll love it.(Insert flushing sound here) It’s YA about a unicorn that saves the world – Hunger Games meets New Moon with a Harry Potter feel. Thanks for the insight, I’ll remember the Starbucks card. 🙂
What about sending Hayley Mills to do a rendition of “Let’s Get Together” in front of the agent’s place of business?
#takinrisks
Why don’t you just write more like John Ortberg?
http://www.purevolume.com/maillotfootball/posts/2335334/maillot+de+foot+allemagneboutique foot
What about the relative who says (every time she sees me) “I love your books! But I really think you should write a book about my mother. She did some incredible things, you know.”