Blogger: Wendy Lawton
One of the questions we often get asked is about the appropriateness of gift giving to agents, editors and the publishing team. I always say it is up to the individual. If you love giving gifts and want to use it as a way to say thanks I can attest that it is always appreciated. But if gift-giving is a chore and leaves you feeling uncertain, then it is not for you. I can’t think of any professional who expects gifts. I have received some unforgettable gifts from clients, like the four pairs of exquisitely knitted wool socks I received from Camy Tang over four consecutive years or the gorgeous appliquéd, quilted wall hanging I just opened today from DeAnna Julie Dodson. (Photo right.) Gifts from the heart.
Many years ago I wrote a looong article that appeared in several magazines about what constitutes the perfect gift. (You can tell how long ago by the fact that I had children at home doing dishes!) I thought I would excerpt some parts of it here since we are one week from Christmas and some of you are trying to finish up Christmas shopping. Writing related? Not exactly, but hopefully it’s helpful.
So what makes a perfect gift?
The intent behind the gift is paramount. The apostle Paul knew that the secret of giving lies in the heart. He said, “Every man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:7 NIV) If your gift reflects a duty or carries the expectation of reciprocity, it can’t possibly convey cheerfulness.
A gift reflects the giver as well as the person receiving the gift. The perfect gift celebrates something shared. My friend, John, shares my love of gardening. He raises hybrid daylilies as a hobby. A cardboard box of bareroot daylilies shipped all the way from his Michigan perennial beds to my California garden, was an unforgettable gift. I unwrapped the plastic and damp newspaper surrounding the roots and tucked them into the soil near my window. Every summer when they bloom, I think of John.
A gift need not be overly expensive. An overdone gift is awkward for the recipient, often causing embarrassment. Simplicity is always tasteful. Jacob described the perfect gift in Genesis 43:11. What could a nomadic shepherd give to a sophisticated Egyptian ruler? Jacob chose pristine fruits and nuts, spices and honey—delicacies of their land. Simple and homegrown, but just as appropriate then as they are now.
A good gift affirms. Our youngest daughter is an exceptional artist. We provided her with a drafting table for her room, instead of the traditional desks we gave to the older two. A desk would have worked just as well, but the drafting table says that we recognize her talent and stresses her individuality.
The perfect gift considers the recipient’s circumstances. Luther Englund, a hospital chaplain, and his wife, Elvira, bake small loaves of bread and use collected baby food jars to can homemade pomegranate jelly. Every year at Christmas he takes a jar of jelly and loaf of freshly baked bread to each man in prison nearby. Chaplain Englund understands that a taste of home helps ease the loneliness of the holiday. The gift may be small, but the act of concern is priceless.
Don’t overlook a gift of your time. Our daughter’s job is to do the dinner dishes each evening. Her brother’s most recent Christmas gift to her was a certificate for two of her dish washing chores. Because she knows how much he hates this task, she values his gift. An afternoon out for a young mother or a morning ride through the countryside for an elderly relative, has value that goes beyond material gifts.
Consider a living gift. When two friends first came to see our house they each brought a tiny redwood tree as a gift. We planted those evergreens and named them after the givers. Those have been joined by other redwoods on our ranch, but it’s fun to point out that the tallest two are Betty and Mary. As the years go by, we enjoy a growing reminder of friendship.
A gift of memory can be a treasure of lasting worth. My mother created a book of remembrances, Bits ‘N’ Pieces, for each person in our extended family. She compiled genealogical charts, family lore, photographs and stories. It took her more than a year to complete, but we will savor this gift for a lifetime.
If you want to give the perfect gift, offer a gift that grows out of relationship. It takes listening and planning. Sometimes it requires a commitment of service or of time, but after the gift wrap and ribbons have been cleared away, it is the gifts of the heart that remain.
How about you? Any gift giving tips?
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
Already got perfect gift. Christ died, I live.
'Mac' MacCullough
Hard to ‘beat’ that, Andrew.
I can but try to do what He commands
& ask for more forgiveness when I come
short sharing His gift.
"Mac" MacCullough
Thnx Wendy Lawton for a fine list that covers a lot
of ground with generosity & imagination.
Crystal Caudill
What a beautiful reminder in an age of gift cards and the push for bigger is better. I have a lot of friends and family throughout the country (and a couple in other countries). The best gift that I can offer them is s handwritten card. I often include specific prayers for them and a Bible verse I have picked out that reminds me of them. Depending on whether they share my humor or not I will also cover the back of the card with corny jokes. They are simple gifts but it fills my heart to do it, like I am getting to send a piece of me to be with them over Christmas. Honestly, those are the gifts I prefer to receive. Of course if they want to add to my personal library, I am always absolutely thrilled. ?
Merry Christmas, Wendy and all. The Books and Such community has been such a wonderful blessing to discover.
Shirlee Abbott
An old article, Wendy, but wise. I smiled at the image of Mary and Betty towering over the other trees.
* An exchange student from South Africa joined our family for my senior year of high school. A seedling sprang up in the yard from a random treasure buried by a squirrel. May father staked it, nurtured it and named it our “Pam Tree” in her honor. “After all,” he said, “it’s some kind of a nut.” Our Pam tree shades my mother’s patio now, a symbol of decades of love and laughter shared across the continents.
Angie Arndt
These are great tips, Wendy. Thank you! I agree that the “rightness” of the gift grows out of the relationship. Since we give gifts, following the tradition of the Magi, to those we love, honor, and respect, I believe gifts for agents, editors, critique partners, and mentors are especially appropriate.
* Here’s one tip: I’ve found that listening skills and a great memory (or handy-dandy notepad or smartphone app) are especially handy. They are the best ways to learn and remember what will touch your “gift-ee’s” heart.
* Merry Christmas!
Angela Carlisle
You’re so right on the value of listening, Angie. Passing comments that the receiver may not even remember mentioning can lead to a treasured gift to-be if we only take the time to truly listen.
Nicholas Faran
Gifts. I love gifts, both giving and receiving, though I love giving more. Unfortunately I am also hindered by the gift of indecision! I can spend hours mulling over items. The trouble is I want each and every one of them to be perfect. I cannot do “That one will do.”
Gifts for agents. I hope that one day I can come back to you on that 🙂
My life is creeping back up from its lowest depths. The future is looking brighter. I still have a way to go on my journey, but it’s so much better than it was that I have been able to return to my WIP and finish that first handwritten draft. It is interesting how God works as there are elements in this story that echo what my future now looks like. I can write it with so much more knowledge and experience.
And He has now put in my mind to write a book directly of my experiences so that it can be of help to other fathers who find themselves treading this path.
God has been gracious to me and a rock in times of trouble. My faith has been tested and it has held firm with strong foundations. I can go forward knowing that nothing else really matters, only His love and His sacrifice.
My gift to all at Books & Such and those reading this is to wish you all a very Happy Christmas.
Carol Ashby
So good to see you here again! That’s a gift to all of us.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
Nicholas, so good to see you here! You’ve been MISSED!
Carol Ashby
The perfect gift for someone who has close enough to everything? Something from Samaritan’s Purse, Compassion, or World Vision catalogs for someone somewhere in the world who has so much less. My husband is getting a goat this year. I do have a real gift for getting his goat the rest of the year as well.
Elizabeth Bohan
I love this post Wendy. I love to give gifts, especially, to those who aren’t expecting anything. I am sensitive, careful, and creative in my giving, and really like all the various suggestions you gave in the post. Of course, I love to give to my husband, son, soon-to-be daughter-in-law family, and close friends as well,
and to the children of my heart who call me Momma B. For me it is a gift that is shared–something particular for them that reflects my knowing of the things they enjoy or need, the joy of giving, and giving just because I love and care for them–no need to reciprocate. My husband is a giving person as well, but lets me do the choosing. He takes part by
saying, okay, or sure, or, “Who’s that one for? “
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser
If you know someone who’s caring for a terminally ill husband, one gift that would be just perfect is getting together with with some friends to chip in and buy her a Spa Day, with the added bonus of someone offering to hang out with her spouse, if necessary.
* Caregiving can easily become careworn; I used to be able to do Barb’s nails (did I hear immoderate laughter?), trim her hair (I have a bowl that fits her head…just kidding), and give massages. But those days are gone, and I know that she misses the feeling of being cossetted and cared for, herself. Caregiving…helping someone bathe and dress EVERY DAY, for instance…can make anyone feel like a back-of-downstairs servant, one who will never again have her day in the sun.
* And for the patient? Well, I recently got the perfect gift from a member of this community; Carol Ashby did the work to put ‘Blessed Are The Pure Of Heart back on the market (and she had previously Kindled “Emerald Isle”!) I couldn’t have done it; this comment has taken me three hours to write, and the work she did is far beyond me now. She’s saved my writing legacy, and inasmuch as it’s awfully sad when you put work into something and can’t complete it…she’s healed my heart.
Shirlee Abbott
The perfect gift. Thank you, Carol. I speak for all of us.
Elizabeth Bohan
Can’t agree more on your recommendation for caregivers. I’m going back to my sister and brother in laws the 23rd and part of the 24th then driving home to my hubby, son and his fiancee to celebrate. Since She’s been so I’ll, she was unable to really do much, so as best as I can I’m bringing Christmas to them. My hubby can’t come since he works keeping the streets drivable and Minneapolis is hosting the Super Bowl, no on streets gets vacation, but he will have Christmas off,, unless if course it snows. Also, I have a dear friend, my last roommate before I was married. She became a window twelve years ago, and single mom to a 1, 4, and 7 year old. Today they are 13, 16, and 20. I am Auntie Betsy to them. My friend has had it rough losing her husband to cancer, they raising three special needs girls. If you know of someone like that, be it single mom or dad, please provide a care break for them, or a gift certificate so they can eat out somewhere, since it’s a rare treat. I especially love giving to April and her girls, and my dear husband is always so open hearted in helping them during the year too. We need to give like God.
Sounds like Carol did just that for Andrew. One thing is she is so capable, all you have to do is visit her website on all things Roman. That is a priceless gift, and I’m sure it had to be quite a gift as well to you, to be the one to read Andrew’s words, his workmanship.
Many blessings to Books and Such staff and all of you who visit this blog site.
Kathy Nickerson
This is fantastic. Thank you. “a gift that grows out of relationship.” That is the secret, isn’t it?
Janet Grant
One of the gifts I received this year that gave me special pleasure showed how much the giver “listened” to me earlier in the year. I had posted a photo on Facebook of a grape-colored, beautiful leather backpack that I had purchased on Levenger. My client commented on my post that she owned the same backpack.
Behold, this Christmas I received from her a matching grape Levenger wallet. Turns out my client had bought the same wallet for herself when she purchased her backpack.
I love the gift, but even more I was touched that my client would make note of my purchase and decide to buy me the wallet as a Christmas gift.
Shelli Littleton
These are wonderful ideas, Wendy. We have a family member who grows daylilies, as well. He works to create new varieties, and this last year he named his first two after our girls. So there is a “Katelyn Grace” and a “Karalee” variety registered with the American Hemerocallis Society. That was a very special gift. * I’m hoping to do an Instagram giveaway this spring. I had planned to do one sooner, but I have a hard time coming up with special things to give away. I asked opinions on giveaway ideas, and the sweet Laura Frantz mentioned a handwritten note with dried flowers tucked inside. Maybe from our rose bushes. Those simple things. Special things.
Julianna Deering/DeAnna Julie Dodson
I’m so glad you liked the Christmas quilt. I could never do enough to thank you for all you’ve done for me for so many years.
Merry Christmas and God bless!
Norma Brumbaugh
Words of validation and appreciation mean a lot to me. Life has a way of beating us up, and then someone speaks or writes words to us that make it seem worth it. For me, their words minister like a balm to my soul. I love thoughtful gifts, too.